Oh heck, it's started...'bullying' in reception? What on earth to do.

[Foubijou]

Ds hasn't even started yet, he begins in January, but today he was playing (or so I thought) in the playground with two little friends that he's known (only at school - they are little brothers of ds1's friends) for a few years.

He told me later that they kept saying he couldn't play with them. (they have both started school already) and then they were thumping him repeatedly, or so he says.
It can't have been too hard as he has no bruises or anything but they were leaving him out and being mean.

Is this normal? I remember ds1 getting his head bashed against the ground/some railings when he was in reception by other 4yos but thought that was quite bad really, not normal stuff.

What should I do?

[2BoysTooLoud]

One of the two other boys possibly felt jealous. I have found that 'threesomes' at this age can be difficult. Keep a close eye but don't panic.

[Foubijou]

Thankyou

Maybe they did or maybe they thought now they're 'big boys' he's not their friend any more.

I will keep an eye on them now. I don't like the thought of them hitting him at all, one of them really is quite strong and hits me quite often, hard

[2BoysTooLoud]

Where were the 'hitters' parents? All three of them will need keeping an eye on when in the playground at the moment. Hitting you is a bit surprising and completely not on.
Good luck.

[Foubijou]

Thanks. He hits his mum all the time as well. She hardly stops him, it's painful to watch.
I saw them this morning - first thing her son did was walk right up to ds2 and say 'I'm not playing with you any more'. Lovely. Ds2 has never encountered this before so was completely silent.

I said to his mum, 'I think your ds and mine have fallen out!' She said Oh yes, I saw him hitting your ds yesterday, and as I went to tell him to stop it, other ds got hit by a football so I had to go to him. And then later ds told me your con told him to hit him as they were playing batman!'

I said fair enough...it's possible, but the stuff about 'I'm not playing with you' was totally nothing to do with any game, I saw it this morning.

I hate that this hurts ds2.
We just said 'They will probably get over it' but tbh I'm not convinced.

[Foubijou]

sorry, your son not con

poor typing this am!

[Foubijou]

I know it probably sounds pathetic to mums of older kids - it's normal to them, would still upset ds1 who is 8 but it's happened so many times by then I suppose...but these little ones are only just four. Makes me sad.

[alybalybee]

I would def mention to the teacher prior to your DS starting in the class. I had exactly the same situation with my DS but didn't mention it to the staff not even during his teacher's home visit in September. I was advised by a friend who is a TA to mention it but didn't want to be seen as a fussy parent before he'd even started school. He's been pushed or hit by the other boy a couple of times a week since he started school, he's now into week 5. It all came to a bit of a head yesterday and having had a positive and, I believe, constructive meeting with his teacher and Head yesterday I am hopeful we will see an improvement.

If nothing else I now have a better level of communication between myself and the school.

In retrospect I wish I had mentioned the few playground incidents I witnessed before they started school to his teacher.

I hope you get it sorted soon, there is nothing worse than watching others being mean to one of yours.

[Foubijou]

thanks, Aly. I'm sorry your boy has been hit, and I really hope it is sorted out as of now.

It's hard enough letting them start school but knowing they're going to get walloped as well makes me want to keep him at home forever!

[Matronalia]

This happened when DD started school (she is Yr 2 now). I swallowed down my mummy lion and gave her some phrases to say back and we practiced them e.g.

"Ok I'll go and find someone else to play with"

and I told her if some one hurts her to say loudly and firmly "No. That hurt me. Thats not kind" (and then walk away) and she found out herself that the louder she got, the more it was brought to the teacher/TA/Playground assistants attention and it stopped her from fighting back. It also brought in back up from other children around her to help her out. She told me that now she knows which children are going to hurt her she can stay away from them and play with nicer children.

The two serious incidents in Reception were dealt with very quickly by the teachers. DD was strangled by a boy and he was sent to the headmaster. Another boy did lots of acts of small scale violence until she was too frightened to go to school. We had a meeting with the teacher and she dealt with it very sympathetically. Both times it stopped immediately, DD saw that she had the support of parents and teacher and it doesnt seem to have affected her at all.

We havent had any incidents since and DD is still confident and happy, desperate to go to school every morning. There are always going to be some children who are like this, especially in reception where some children can be very young and the school haven't had an influence yet, and its hard to knwo what is going on and waht the teacher is doing about it. Hopefully they will be aware very quickly and will put methods in place to deal with it.

[AndiMac]

The hitting isn't good and I would hope would get sorted out by school and his parents soon. Definitely mention it to the teacher before he starts.

The "I'm not playing with you" is something I just went through with my daughter and her best friend just last year at nursery. It seems to be more of girl thing, but obviously boys can do it too. DD and friend would play play play, fight, not play, then play play play again. I wouldn't take it too personally, and I would tell your son not to either, if he's at all upset. DD seemed rarely phased by it actually, but obviously wasn't getting hit (the physical things got worked out a year earlier). When she was bothered, I told her she should just ignore her friend and go and play with someone else. They happily go to different reception classes in different schools, so the drama won't continue to escalate, but for all their fighting, they really are still best friends.