ID twin boys - same class or separate?(9 Posts)
DS started school this term and it's got me thinking about DT starting in a couple of years. Does anyone have any experience with ID twin boys starting school? Were they in the same class or separated?
I know it is a way off but, I'd like to come to the right conclusion slowly rather than making a panic choice at the last minute.
DT look very very similar - I dress them differently so I can tell them apart at a glance! but they have quite different personalities. They go to nursery and will go to pre-school in January together but I've heard 'advice' to split them up for 'big' school so they make their own friends, aren't compared or confused by staff/other children and they learn to cope on their own. I agree with this in theory but I'm not sure doing so young or when they're starting a new school is a good idea. The question then is if not at the beginning then when? Age 11 seems too late and to split them part way through school would mean one of them will have to change classes - not fair.
I'm going round in circles and would value any experience anyone has had.
Some schools mix up classes every year.
Some won't ever let a child change class.
So you may want to find out stuff like this when choosing a school.
Oh, difficult one... we know lots of twins for some reason and the parents have all done different things:
1) Family 1 - DTs (boys) in same classes until Year 3 (Junior school) then split them. The less confident twin was very unhappy/ didn't settle and they moved him into his brother's class for Years 4-6 (age 11). However at 11+ they didn't get into same schools, so ahve now gone to different schools! I think my feeling would be that the confident/ more academic twin is appreciating the break, but the other is struggling without his brother
2) Family 2 - DT (girls) in same class until year 4 (age 9) then one moved into a different class, as she felt very much in the 'shadow' of her brighter sister. worked wonders and twin 2 blossomed.However they also went to different schools at 11.
3) Family 3 - DT (boys). Same school, different classes since age 4. Seems to work well. they seem to have twice as many friends and get invited everywhere!
I think being together is a problem if one really 'shines'? If they are together they will always be 'the twins'.
I think I'd separate at 7 ?
I am a twin, the shy one of the two and I loved being in the same class as my sister during primary. I was desperate to be with her for secondary but I went to a secondary modern school, she went to a grammar school- it was a sad 5 yrs, I coped but she missed me a lot. I then joined her school for 6th Form where we did our A levels together and enjoyed being together. She is my best friend.
DDTs together through primary. Teachers advised do not separate because they were happy and supportive of each other, but had separate friends and activities.
Another DD/DS combo were separated Y3 because boy became discouraged as sister got harder work, flourished apart.
Mumof3, I ignored all general advice in the end - focussed entirely on their relationship. I hope the school will be flexible and do this for you. At school it's a good idea to have distinguising features for other children and teachers, though, eg v different haircuts (to avoid name mixup and 'the twins' labelling). Twins v happy at school - hope your boys love it too.
I'm a one of a boy/girl combo
we were split at reception level because that was the local LEA's policy
did us both the world of good -I was the dominant one and always felt I had to look after my brother, so it freed me of this sense of self imposed responsibility. He blossomed into a quick witted, imaginative child.
we went to the same high school but were different classes until GCSEs and we hated being in the same class lol
there are twin boys in my oldest DDs year who have been split up. Their mother worried at first but it was school policy -the first party that only 1 was invited to was a challenge but they both have their own friends and are treated as indivduals -and are still great friends out of school
I did think most schools split twins now though?
My DTS's have been in separate classes since year one, I wouldn't have it any other way, but all twins are different and by the time you need to choose you will know... What I would say though, I would never send my DTs to a school that had a 'twin policy' each child is different and should be treated as such, just because one set of twins would be better apart it does not mean that the next will.
TAMBA Twins & Multiple Births Association - interesting on these types of issues, just in case anyone hasn't found them.
My ID DTs have just started, separate classes. Very identical at the moment in uniform (and yes, I do get confused.....!!) One is less outgoing but more controlling at home, other is outgoing but tends to defer.
I was fairly sure that I wanted to split them for all the usual reasons, but it is hard to watch the less outgoing one struggle (although they play together at playtime apparently). Whilst I reserve the right to change my mind, at the moment I think it is still the best thing overall - if they weren't twins the less outgoing one would still struggle but I wouldn't have the option of having him 'babysat' by his more outgoing sibling. I do think it is better to split early when everyone in reception is struggling to an extent, and the teaching staff are perhaps more emotionally supportive than they would be with older children.
My BIL & SIL have twins (boys) and they were split but then put back together as the less outgoing one was struggling. I feel a bit sorry for the outgoing one in a way because he seemed to have been cast in the role of looking after his brother. They are not ID though.
it is really hard.... I'm not sure how it will pan out. I had a very interesting conversation with an ID twin who was dominant - they were together in primary but come secondary went to different schools. He was fine but his twin really struggled and then rebelled completely and went off the rails, massive resentment of his twin who he perceived as having dominated him so he couldn't cope on its own. Completely stopped communicating with his brother. They speak now but it sounded traumatic.
The trouble is they are all different!! So it's very hard to generalise.
I do have a fear of them being labelled 'the twins' rather than being called their names which contributes to my desire to if at all possible keep them separate.
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