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How much do you try to influence your DCs choice of friends?

(11 Posts)
MadButMeansWell Fri 23-Sep-11 17:14:43

4yo DS just started reception. We've been really pleased- he can be VERY shy and cried every morning at nursery. Now doing really well, but I have noticed that he is fascinated by a boy who seems to be a bit of a ... character- he really tags after him and has asked if he can come home to play. We also seem to be getting a lot more 'silly' behaviour in the evening. School is very mixed some kids from very nice backgrounds (by that I don't neccesarily mean well to do- just nice!!!) Some from v socially disadvantaged area with all the probs associated with that. Not sure whether to 'guide' him towards nicer kids or let him make his own choices??? Would appreciate thoughts of those with older DCs?

IndigoBell Fri 23-Sep-11 17:26:20

There is no point in 'guiding' him. He'll make his own choice anyway.

noddyholder Fri 23-Sep-11 17:27:59

They find their own way eventually there is no point trying to choose for him

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 23-Sep-11 17:28:59

Never have, never will.

BleughCowWonders Fri 23-Sep-11 17:29:25

Tried loads with dc1 smile - play dates with children of mums I liked! Itn only really lasted in reception then she chose her own friends
Dc2 made own friends, let him choose
Dc3 ditto - makes her own way in life... ( and I grin and bear the mums...)

bluelaguna Fri 23-Sep-11 17:30:50

You can't choose. No matter how much you try to encourage any particular friendship, he will make his own choice re friends.

MadButMeansWell Fri 23-Sep-11 17:38:07

Thanks for the replies- It seems I just need to chill out bit. On the bright side I did not think he would make frinds so easily. At least hes 'coming out of himself' a bot!

MadButMeansWell Fri 23-Sep-11 18:02:12

Need to learn to type! Friends not frinds and bit not bot!

insanityscatching Fri 23-Sep-11 18:30:06

All mine have friends that I like less than others (some far less than others tbh) but neither they nor their friends are aware of my preferences.
We have house rules here that are to be followed even by their friends so any unwanted behaviour doesn't happen here which makes even the most trying friend bearable wink

Saracen Fri 23-Sep-11 23:12:56

With a four year old, I don't know.

With an older child, I sometimes ask my child in a very open sort of way about how she feels when she is with various friends, what she likes best about them etc.

I am hoping that through these discussions she will realise for herself such things as "someone who treats you that way isn't worth having as a friend", "you don't have to stay friends forever just because you used to enjoy each others company", "you'll get into trouble if you hang around with him", "she's OK one-on-one but she's a backstabber in a group situation", "he behaved thoughtlessly but maybe you should give him another chance because you really value his friendship", "she really needs you to be there for her right now" etc etc. I don't tend to SAY any of the above things but she works them out for herself when she talks to me. It has worked pretty well so far.

Mind you, I don't know whether it's so easy to talk to boys about stuff like that!!

WoodBetweenTheWorlds Fri 23-Sep-11 23:55:29

I don't at all. They are her friends! It's my job to bring her up so that she chooses wisely!

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