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wrong school for my dd

(8 Posts)
clutter Tue 20-Sep-11 18:08:27

My daughter is only just 4 but as we are in Scotland she was in local school nursery all last year and is in her pre-school year this year. She was very unhappy last year and it was really hard to get her in but we thought it would get better this year. She didn't really make any friends last year (which i'm sure is normal - although she has lots of friends out of school) but there were a few names that she would mention, however all the girls she mentioned have moved to other schools

This year she has been back for nearly 6 weeks now and has not mentioned a single name and is even harder to get her into class (screaming tantrums etc). Also she is now scared of anyone who comes to our flat whether she knows them or not. I waited last week to see if she looked like she was ok when she got in but she just looked close to tears (she couldn't see me) and sat at the drawing table doing nothing, she was pretty much ignored by everyone (teachers included) and i had to go after 3 minutes.

My husband and I had decided that she needed to move to another nusery or just stay with me for the rest of the year but when i told her this morning she said she didn't like school but that she wanted to stay there and that she liked the water play. What do i do? Go with my instincs and pull her out or leave her there?

Everything was so easy in the summer holidays she was like a different child just happy, easy going and able to sleep.

thisisyesterday Tue 20-Sep-11 18:10:18

she is too young to decide what is in her best interests.

children often say what they think you want to hear.

so based purely on your OP i would say take her out

allag Tue 20-Sep-11 19:59:41

agreed. if you have the option of keeping her at home for a bit with you, or finding another school, I would take her out. Not really worth carrying in an unhappy situation and the last thing you want is to put her off school altogether - the idea of nursery school, if there is any choice over childcare, is surely for them to enjoy it!!!
I was in a very similar situation with my DD and posted on preschool education boards where I got great advice. My DD got a new teacher at nursery and became very unhappy - the teacher was very stern, and DD, who had missed the start of term because of illness, just became very intimidated. She did not complain or scream, but i could just see that she was withdrawing, becoming very quiet and just retreating further into her shell. She had been so confident and outgoing before, but was now being referred to as a "very quiet and withdrawn child" who did not integrate very well. Yet when I asked her, repeatedly, if she liked school, she sort of nodded in a doomed kind of way. Heartbreaking to remember now - but i do agree with PP that they tell you things they think will get your approval. We took DD out for the rest of the year, and just let her play with friends. Her confidence improved instantly, and, having just started Reception, she LOVES school. I am really happy we took her out so if your DD is as unhappy as you describe, just pull her. sorry for the long rant, just all fresh in my memory!

3duracellbunnies Tue 20-Sep-11 20:06:15

I should have pulled dd2 out of nursery or changed her days. She has just started reception in the same school, but a few of the girls are in the other class and she is like a different person. She is telling me about new girls she played with and wanting them back for tea. If there is another place with places, esp if any of her friends go there then I would move her, chances are they will have water play too. For dd2 the staff were great, and some of them in her new class but I think things go on between girls below the radar of most staff. I can see that they can't police whether people play with other children but dd2 was it now seems repeatedly told by 'friends' that she couldn't play with them and she seemed to give up on socialising. If you keep her at the nursery maybe drop her sessions down. Mine have only ever done 3 sessions/week, on the other days we have fun together. A few teachers raise their eyebrows but I reckon they then have all summer to forget about nursery routine, we were always busy, and if anything she has more energy now they are full time thanmany of those who were in nursery five sessions before the holiday. It is awful feeling your child doesn't fit in, but things can change, encouraging play with other friends I think really helped too.

Haberdashery Tue 20-Sep-11 21:05:16

I wouldn't want to leave a child at a preschool where they weren't being engaged and encouraged by the teachers when miserable at being left. If I were you I'd pull her out. My DD had an awful time settling at nursery at 3.3, but the staff were really trying so I persevered. Had I thought they weren't I would have definitely tried some other setting or just kept her at home. She can do water play at home if that's the only thing she'll miss.

Saracen Tue 20-Sep-11 22:59:34

Agree with previous posters. If you have any doubts about whether your daughter would really be happier out of preschool than in, you could first take her out and then watch to see whether she seems to miss it or actually asks to go back.

That's what a friend of mine did when removing her bullied, depressed ten year old from school against her will. Once out, she never looked back.

clutter Fri 30-Sep-11 16:35:23

Thank you all she starts the new one on Monday x

Haberdashery Sat 01-Oct-11 21:11:22

Good luck! I hope she loves it.

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