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Year 1 DS2 has discovered his beloved big brother (Year 4) is on the playground

(8 Posts)
lingle Mon 19-Sep-11 17:05:54

DS2 (6) is very shy and more like a 4/5 year old in aspects of his social development. He and his older brother are devoted to each other and have enormous fun. He's on the SEN register for social communication.

In reception DS2 was separate from his brother and formed a close friendship with a much more outgoing child, and the teachers felt this was good for them both.

But now DS2 is playing with DS1 (8) on the playground. I'm worried this will make it less likely that he will connect with children - other than the one friend - in his own year group.

I'm torn here - it's natural to gravitate towards your cool big brother - and DS1 says they are both having a great time - he doesn't mind and his friends all like DS2.

But how will DS2 get more experience of wider friendships in his own year-group?

I'm not sure what to say to school- it would feel like a dreadful punishment for DS2 if they were totally separated and might affect his happiness.

lingle Mon 19-Sep-11 17:06:33

sorry meant to say what would people advise?

bushymcbush Mon 19-Sep-11 17:10:37

Let them get on with it I say.

I've always disliked the idea that you should only mix with children in the same year group.

It sounds like your DS2 is making new friends through your DS1. In a couple of years, when your DS1 moves up to high school, your DS2 should have built up the skills and confidence to mix with all ages.

NormalServiceWillResumeShortly Mon 19-Sep-11 17:18:01

agree with bushy.

At no other point in life do people insist that your friends must all fall within a narrow calendar band...

if ds1 doesn't mind (and his friends - meaning that ds1 is not missing out in any way by 'looking after' his brother), and ds2 doesn't mind - let them get on with it.

I used ot hang out with my brother at school, and he was 5 years older than me! it ironed itself out, of course, when he had to leave primary and I was still there. but right up into teenage years we hung out together in the holidays - I well remember wandering around town (daytime!) with him and his friends when I was 13/14 - so he was 18/19, and once I was pub age we would go out together in the evenings too.

it is nice that they are so close.

chocolaterainbow Mon 19-Sep-11 17:30:47

It's lovely to have kids that close isn't it, and your eldest must be a right sweetheart. I don't mean to offend, but I don't understand why your so concerned?

You said DS1's friends like him, so if he's also making friends with DS1's friends, he should still be learning to socialise with kids out of his 'comfort zone' and possibly because they're a little bit older, and with the confidence he probablly has due to the 'protection' of his older brother being aroud, you might find he actually develops sooner/it does him some good?? (although, tbh, I don't know much about this subject, this is just me thinking aloud)

My little 'un has just started full time and doesn't get on well with the other 2 boys in his year (tbh I don't like them either spoilt brats ), I'm happy that my eldest has taken him under his wing.

Maybe, though if your still concerned why don't you invite the boy from DD2's class for tea after school, then they are bound to spend all day at school plotting mischeif planning what they'll get up to? Sort-of push them discreetly back together? And if your still worried, of course speak to the teachers anyway, see what he's like in the classroom, if he's still interacting a lot with the friend he had last year.

Basically, my opinion, they're happy (good for you!), leave 'em to it, but maybe try and include DD2's old friend?

chocolaterainbow Mon 19-Sep-11 17:34:02

ps. I agree with bushy about the age group thing.

and sorry for my lazy incorrect spelling

PhishFoodAddiction Mon 19-Sep-11 17:49:29

I've been worrying about a similar issue-DD1 is in Reception, and DD2 in nursery in the afternoons, and they seek each other out and play together most of the afternoon. It's a free flow early years unit so the children in 3 classes can mix together.

Their teachers have reassured me that both have their own friends too (and DD2 tells DD1 to get out of her classroom when she's fed up grin ). So I'm a bit more relaxed about it now.

It's good that your boys are so close, and if your older DS doesn't mind having his brother around then it seems fine. They obviously enjoy each other's company.

lingle Mon 19-Sep-11 18:02:22

wow what interesting responses! I'm going to go away and think about this then come back

thank you!

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