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How to help DS2 to deal with his best friend moving schools?

(4 Posts)
deemented Fri 16-Sep-11 20:22:46

DS2 has just turned 7, and is in Yr2.

DS2 has Dyslexia and Dyspraxia and his best friend is Autistic and has just been offered a place at a STF at another school several miles away.

Obviously this is fantastic news for him and his family - he will thrive there, i've no doubt, but i can't help but worry about the effect the loss of his best friend will have on DS2.

We only live around the corner from his friend, and will make a concerted effort to get the boys together regularly, so they won't lose contact altogether, but DS2 has had lots of loss in his young life already (his daddy died when he was three, and my mum a few weeks later) and is only now coming to terms with their loss. I'm worried about how this will affect him.

I don't know, DS2 is a lively outgoing lad who does have other friends, but he is very close to this boy. Am i worrying over nothing? Maybe i'm being a bit PFB... what do you think? And how would you prepare him?

deemented Sat 17-Sep-11 15:24:01


MumblingRagDoll Sat 17-Sep-11 15:31:24

It is so DD has lost no less than FOUR best friends already and she is 7 and just gone into year 3.

She was in a tiny school and lots of kids moved on every year.

It seems bigger if you make it a big deal...I have learned to be brisk. "Oh well...X is going to a school which is perfect for him and you can still be best frends..."

And invite other boys home for playdates starting now.

He WILL adjust and faster than you think. Since you say he has other friends I thik you are being a is full of change and this is just the start of watching your child learn to cope.

I promise he's going to get used to it very quickly.

AChickenCalledKorma Sat 17-Sep-11 22:25:59

I can only speak from limited experience, in that my eldest daughter's best friend moved to Australia in January. They had been absolutely inseparable since Reception, never had an argument, liked the same things, were in the same groups at school etc etc etc. I was pretty concerned about how she would cope.

I would definitely recommend having a chat with your son's teacher and making sure she realises he might need a bit of support. DD's teacher realised she would be feeling a bit lost and made sure some of the other girls kept a special eye out for her. And they did! In fact, there were moments when she had to tell them to back off because she was really absolutely fine and didn't need to be jollied along!

Overall, she was a bit sad from time to time for the first month or so, but not to any extreme degree. There was plenty of interesting stuff going on at school and she quickly slotted into a different group of friends. In fact, I'd say it has been quite good for her, overall, to have to branch out and not rely on one friend quite so much. They are still in touch, by email, but there is no sense of loss any more. It's just quite interesting having a friend on the other side of the world!

In your situation, I'd definitely make sure your son knows that he will still be seeing his friend outside school, and carry on making dates for them to have tea together etc. But be prepared for the fact that both of them might move on and begin to drift apart a bit.

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