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Got the dreaded call from head teacher but...

(14 Posts)
BlueberryPancake Thu 15-Sep-11 11:08:01

DS is 5 and started year 1. Last year, he complained many many time about being constantly chased in the playground. I spoke to teacher about it and she spoke to the boys in question but...

I have been saying to my son that he should try and stand up for himself and say 'don't chase me' and go see one of the dinner ladies. Yesterday, I received a (very embarassing) call from the head teacher that DS has thrown a stone to another boy and hurt him, and DS got detention, no play time for two days.

When I picked him up he was clearly upset, and I tried to talk to him calmly, and after a lot of effort I got to the bottom of the story. Three boys in year 2 had been chasing him, he complained to one of the teachers who spoke to the boys who were chasing him. DS went to sit quietly on one of the climbing frames and one of the boys came over and was shouting at him. DS picked up a pebble and threw it at the boy.

DS got all the punishment. I understand that it is serious, he could have hurt the boy seriously. But, he is the one who got punished by the head teacher and the boys who provoked him got nothing.

DS is really fed up with being chased, and this is only week 2 at school! What should I do?

We decided not to punish him at home because he is being punished at school. We are trying to speak to him, but it's hard because we want to be on his side and make him confident to stand up to these boys. and at the same time we want him to understand that what he did is wrong.

Sorry about long message...... Thanks for your suggestions!

HattiFattner Thu 15-Sep-11 11:13:21

Id speak to the head, explain that the older boys are teasing and chasing your DS and that his actions (while inexcusable) were provoked. Id also ask why, when the boys have been spoken to by a teacher and a dinner lady, they are still allowed to provoke and tease your son. This is just as much bullying as throwing stones, and the head needs to step in and deal with these boys also.

blackeyedsusan Thu 15-Sep-11 12:11:02

as hatti

whenIgetto3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:49:50

we had a similar situation last year with our DS we spoke to the head, explained what had been happening when the older boy was spoken to he admitted his part in it and they were both punished accordingly. The thing to do when speaking to the head is to eat humble pie say you completely agree that your DS should be punished and in no way are you saying that he shouldn't but as the other boy was not an innocent bystander he needs to be spoken to and punished accordingly. The more humble you are the more the HT will be prepared to see your side.

choccyp1g Thu 15-Sep-11 17:00:52

There is a tactic that sometimes works when you don't want to be chased: don't run away.
Obviously if they are chasing with the intention of beating him up this is not a good idea, but generally kids chase for fun, and the fun stops if he stops running.
I have often suggested this to girls who complain about -my- -son- the boys chasing them, but they usually giggle, and carry on running.

choccyp1g Thu 15-Sep-11 17:02:12

Why can't I cross out in an -irritating- amusing fashion.

choccyp1g Thu 15-Sep-11 17:02:26


LynetteScavo Thu 15-Sep-11 17:08:59

You need two little lines, like this --.

Incidents like this happened to my DS several times in junior school. We told him to WALK AWAY and not interact with the person/people annoying him.

Bramshott Thu 15-Sep-11 17:09:58

you need a double hyphen choccypig like this

sugarandspiceandallthingsnice Thu 15-Sep-11 19:33:41

I tell the children in my class to run towards the teacher/dinner staff on duty - that way if they are being chased it is blatantly obvious!

I would have a word with the head - it is unfair just to punish your DS. Does he have a class dinner lady? My dinner lady has a book she writes any problems in, and I can communicate with her too. Note could be made to help your DS if it is not a one off?

I would explain to him that they were not doing the right thing, but that he still made the choice to pick up the stone rather than sit quietly by dinner lady etc. I wouldn't punish him either, think he has had enough at school.

choccyp1g Thu 15-Sep-11 19:44:30

I'm just writing this to test the crossing out
but I'm sure that's what I did the first time.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 17-Sep-11 07:25:23

Definitely make a big fuss about how unfair and wrong it was to punish your son. My son is being bullied again and we have now phoned the police for advice.

clam Sat 17-Sep-11 10:48:19

"Definitely make a big fuss about how unfair and wrong it was to punish your son"

But it wasn't wrong to punish him; he threw a stone which hit another child. The issue is that it was provoked and part of an on-going problem which has not been addressed by the school. The other child needs to be disciplined AS WELL.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 17-Sep-11 11:02:04

I meant when the other child wasn't punished for chasing him.

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