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Am I being precious about this?

(34 Posts)
akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 14:52:12

DD, just turned 5 has started Reception this week. She hasn't said much, except that she doesn't like it and wants to stay at home sad but her teacher says she is fine, no problems etc.

However this weekend there has been a lot of putting, dollys, teddies and, well, everyone really onto "The Time Out Chair". So I gently asked her about the Time Out Chair, she has not been on it but named a few other of the tinies in her class who have been (they are mostly aged 4, dd is a September baby and turned 5 this week). When she said who had been, she went really quiet and looked so down and sad.

It just makes me sad really, this obvious fear of "The Time Out Chair". I suppose I have just always dealt with bad behaviour as and when and we all knew where we stood. It seems like the modern day equivalent of The Dunces Cap to me.

I suppose I just need to man up and accept that my PSB (precious second born) is now "out there" and this is the norm.

Just wanted to mull it over really.

SuePurblybilt Sat 10-Sep-11 14:59:41

Blimey, so four or five children have been on the TO chair in their first week? That seems like a lot.

akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 15:03:10

I KNOW! That is what I thought. And its the way her face goes all still and sad when we talked about it.

BelleEnd Sat 10-Sep-11 15:06:39

I think there's a tendency for teachers to be a bit stricter than usual in the first weeks so that the pupils know what's expected of them. My DS fears the time out chair, but because of that it does work.
I don't think it's PSB of you to feel sad about it, but I do think it's good for the teachers to set out the ground rules and enforce them at the beginning of term.

CustardCake Sat 10-Sep-11 15:07:06

It may not be that they've actually been on it. They may have been warned of its use or told as a class about rewards and sanctions. I would be very surprised if 5 children were put in time out in their first week ever at school. It is more likely child A has been asked not to call out for example and the rest of the children have feared this may lead to a time out. I am not saying OP that your DC is telling fibs - just that the issue has obviously been built up into a massive deal in her mind which may or may not reflect what happens as opposed to what she fear may happen

ChippingIn Sat 10-Sep-11 15:07:43

If it wasn't her first year I'd just say to tell her to behave & then she wont get put on it! BUT with it being her first year I'd want to go and talk to the Head (Head of Year) - normally I'd go straight to the teacher, but for this I think you need someone to go and see what's happening & how reasonable it is. I can't see how you'd need a 'naughty chair' in reception - in the first week sad You really don't want her put off school (anymore than she already is!) before she's hardly started. You may find other parents have been in for a word.

CustardCake Sat 10-Sep-11 15:12:48

Chipping - I would suggest going to the teacher to clarify what has happened.

If the teacher say "yes they've all been awful this week and 5 of them have been on the naughty chair already " then go straight to the Head but I am 99% certain what she will actually say is "NOne of them have been on the naught chair. We showed the children their star charts and rewards. There was an incident of biting and we did explain that this isn't allowed and that school rules say we must be kind. If anyone is very unkind they might get asked to go for time out but this is quite rare and of course it hasn't happened in the first week"

I really really think it is highly unlikely that the naughty chair has been used BUT even mentioning it a vague and rare sanction can scare some children so much they imagine all sorts (normally the children who are good and would never get sent to it are the ones who get overly scared of it)

akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 15:16:25

ChippingIn "I can't see how you'd need a 'naughty chair' in reception - in the first week" You know that is exactly what I thought. I will say something I think, not in a whingy way, just explain that dd is worrying about it.

CustardCake She named, names of kids who have been on it, three of them and one of them more than once!

I know there has to be ground rules, I really do, just don't want her worrying about it unduly. She is quite sensitive ( I know ALL parents say that, but she is! grin) and she comes out of there with such a serious face at the end of the day when I pick her up.

cansu Sat 10-Sep-11 15:25:07

It could be that this is a strategy that has been agreed for specific children. My dd (SEN) has a time out place and she has been known to have to sit on it quite frequently. However this is an agreed way of dealing with her behaviour. Other dc will not know the reason behind it and may for all I know tell their parents that my dd is always naughty and is always in time out. I did once overhaer one dc talking about my dd to their mum and it sounded much worse than it actually was!

akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 15:35:32

Yes I suppose it could be. I know there is an ASD child in the class. I have an ds with ASD though and this would never have worked for him, he just wouldn't have co-operated with it so it didn't occur to me that this might be a possibility. Ds had a place he could withdraw to if things got tough with ear muffs etc but he was never put in Time Out.

MigratingCoconuts Sat 10-Sep-11 17:27:39

I too am a bit shock at a naughty chair in the first week of reception. There must be a lot of getting used to the new environment and I can't see how this is helping really.

There must be either some very naughty kids....or perhaps a more subtle way of dealing with unwanted behaviour.

MigratingCoconuts Sat 10-Sep-11 17:29:14

I hope cansu's suggestion is correct!

madamarcati Sat 10-Sep-11 19:46:06

have you never been in areception class? you think they are all little angels even in the first week???

madamarcati Sat 10-Sep-11 19:56:13

and you really can't complain about the teacher disciplining other peoples children!!

SuePurblybilt Sat 10-Sep-11 19:59:47

I have been in a fair few madam and I was surprised at the idea of that many children being put on it in their first week at school. And she's not complaining as such, more concerned about her own child.

akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 20:00:29

"and you really can't complain about the teacher disciplining other peoples children!!" Can't seem to find the bit where I said I thought I could madam.

Not complaining, asking for more information about something that is clearly worrying my child in her very first week of Reception.

Yes, I have been in a Reception class actually, when my ds first started school and he has ASD I stayed and visited many times to help him settle. They did not seem to use the "Time Out Chair" then. It was the same school though a few years ago.

Floggingmolly Sat 10-Sep-11 20:01:32

Ds3's class has a thinking chair, it's just a place to reflect quietly if they're getting over exuberant, not a punishment as such.

akaemmafrost Sat 10-Sep-11 20:02:29

See, thats sweet and nothing negative attached to it but with the same outcome.

sunshinewanted Sat 10-Sep-11 21:52:54

My son was very challenging in his first week in reception. His experienced teacher just dealt with it by missing play time etc. I am not sure of the details but I know when I had discussed with my son he said he was just finding out what he could do!! The boundaries were clearly set immediately and he had a great year with the teacher never needing to call us in or tell us about issues. Yes some of the well behaved girls found her strict at first but at least once boundaries were set they could get on and work without disruption.

In year one he had a NQT and did the same test on her at the start and she didnt set any boundaries and by the end of the year she asked me to ask him to do what she told him!! A totally wasted year. I know which strategy I prefer and which I think is best for the class as a whole.

clam Sun 11-Sep-11 10:22:35

Are you being precious? If I'm really honest, I think that yes, you are. But it's understandable. smile
I think you'd have more reason to be sad about it if she'd been on it herself though.

akaemmafrost Sun 11-Sep-11 10:41:14

I thought I probably was being a bit, she is just so serious about the whole business and that makes me sad. She comes out looking like she has done a 12 hour working day when I pick her up.

catsareevil Sun 11-Sep-11 10:54:36

I would agree with speaking to the teacher about this. If what your DD is saying is true then that is one thing. It might not be though.

madamarcati Sun 11-Sep-11 11:39:20

Wouldn't you rather the teacher enforced boundaries from the outset , than having a year trying to get on top of the challenging behaviour from a few.Have you never heard the old adage 'don't smile til xmas'

clam Sun 11-Sep-11 13:44:51

If you'd said that loads of new reception children had been sent to the Head or put in detentionor something, then maybe you'd have more cause for concern. But this is a "time-out chair," hardly Belsen! She's had a lot to take in this week, starting school, so give her time and space and she'll get used to it all.

daytoday Sun 11-Sep-11 14:23:56

Gosh, my DD would be very upset by explicit use of a time out chair in her first week. She a very sweet girl, naturally a little fearful. My DS on the other hand wouldn't have cared. I would be straight in there - letting the teacher know that this chair is consuming so much of your child's imagination. Exactly as you have posted here. The first few weeks are so vitally important. Children vary so much in what they worry about.

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