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DS hysterical at being left (Reception), please come and tell me it will be fine

(14 Posts)
iphonedrone Fri 09-Sep-11 22:37:40

The TA and I had to pull him off the fence he was clinging onto this morning. He was screaming mummy mummy when I left sad. The school don't seem perturbed at all and when i phone 30 mins later they say hes fine.

But he's already saying I'm not going back to school on Monday and getting upset at the thought of it. He is a really young one, 17th August! and only on half days at the moment.

Please tell me yours did exactly the same and it was fine!

JJ02 Sat 10-Sep-11 09:31:23

My Son started Maternelle in France a week before he turned 3.
4 days a week from 8.30 to 4.45 ( its quite normal over there )
We had the same thing and he was not the only child to do this.
The teachers were fantastic, They just delt with the situation, calmed the children down, and truthfully it took less than two weeks and My son along with all the others was settled into a routine, happy and running into school. It was harder for us mums though. This week my son ( the same child ) started reception here, and couldnt wait to get to school.
Im sure yours will be fine it just takes a short while and he will soon be loving it . Good luck

colditz Sat 10-Sep-11 09:37:11

ds2 did this, and in the end I bought him a very much coveted cuddly toy (Sonic RThe Hedgehog) and let him take it to school every day. That meant he had one of his home comforts there./ It did work

mrz Sat 10-Sep-11 09:41:30

The school don't seem perturbed at all and when i phone 30 mins later they say he's fine.

That is because within a few minutes he will have settled down to play quite happily (honestly). I had one girl who broke her mum's heart each morning until I suggested she walk round the school and peep in the window to see her daughter laughing and playing with the other children. If I'm honest I think she was more upset that she had settled ...

Toomanyworriedsonhere Sat 10-Sep-11 09:44:25

We also had this and it did go away eventually but I had some great advice from here. I think a transititional object from home really helps but the school wouldn't let DD have a soft toy so I gave her a cloth hankie with a lipstick kiss from me and a spray of my perfume on it. It did seem to help.
She's now in yr 6 and still gives me a big hug every morning when I go grin

flimflammery Sat 10-Sep-11 09:51:01

When my son had trouble settling the teacher suggested he bring in a photo of our family in a little frame and put it in his cubby so he could look at it when he was missing me. It did seem to work.
Another trick which worked with my DD was to talk about how she would like to say goodbye and what would happen when I picked her up (e.g. you're going to do things with all your friends in the class, then have lunch, then story time and then I'll come and get you and we'll go home and watch Bob the Builder')

MrsRobertDuvall Sat 10-Sep-11 11:40:44

My ds was fine in reception but every day for the whole year in yr 1 clung to me and wept.
I got to the point when I would kick him off and virtually throw him at the lovely TA as I knew he was fine within a few minutes.
I was on the PTA and would have to crawl past his classroom on my hands and knees if I was in school as he once saw me and rushed out.
In the summer holidays I told him I hoped he wouldn't be like that in yr 2 and he said of course he wouldn't...he'd be a big boy then.
And he was fine.

GloriaVanderbilt Sat 10-Sep-11 11:49:45

Erm, well, only the school knows if he is alright or not. But he might well be fine especially if they are telling you he is.

I vividly remember my first days at school and without wanting to project my own situation onto your child, I was not fine at all, I was really, really unhappy...but after a few days I began to cope.

I coped for the rest of the time I went to school but was never happy, therefore I think if it were my child, I'd want to consider if they are just upset on a shallow level or if there's something deeper and more 'genuine' going on. With ds1 it was something deeper, but he took at least half an hour to be able to function, clinging on to the assistant in tears, and he was never really happy, though this was preschool. (he was nearly/just four at the time and I was very pregnant).

I took him out and we stayed at home with his new brother. When september came I was afraid he would be as upset starting school but he wasn't, he was ready by then. I think it was other stuff going on in his life that made him so unable to cope for a while, and once that was dealt with he was Ok.

Just don't underestimate the feelings they can have.

FWIW if you DO feel he isn't ready yet, you can defer entry till January or Easter for him and the school is obliged to keep his place.

(we are doing this with ds2 whose birthday was in June)

safeintheknowledge Sat 10-Sep-11 11:57:17

My daughter went to nursery and was fine with me leaving her (I was more upset than she was!!), but she did go through a stage where she would cling to me and this went on for around two weeks. It did pass, but I did take it seriously and tried to put her mind at ease by talking about it after school etc

It can be heartbreaking! but it will pass smile

coccyx Sat 10-Sep-11 11:59:43

None of mine ever carried on like that, but have seen it in other children, it will pass

wannaBe Sat 10-Sep-11 12:11:02

My ds went through a stage in reception where he cried every morning.

He'd cried at nursery/preschool so I'd been there before.. I bribed, asked if anything was wrong, threatened, nothing helped. And from previous experience I had learned that the more I pandered to it ie stuck around, the worse he would be, so as soon as he started crying I would just hand him to the TA and walk away. In fact I gave him a choice "ds you can either be a big boy and go in nicely and get to say goodbye to me properly or you can cry and I'll have to just have to walk away." There was nothing wrong, because he was fine when actually in school. It wasn't until the teacher said to him that if he cried the next day he'd just have to miss his golden time that we turned a corner. I aided this by taking him to the shops so we could buy some nice biscuits for him and all his friends to have during golden time. He ran into school that morning and we have never looked back.

Yesterday he started at new school again (we have just moved) and although we had apprehension the night before and some tears because he misses his old school and his friends, I know he will be fine.

Your ds will be fine, and the teachers have seen it all before.

aries12 Sat 10-Sep-11 12:18:49

Give it time and he will settle. It is so distressing for you at the moment. My Dd has similar birthday and went to school at same time. I dropped her off every morning and while she never shed a tear I saw some of her classmates who were totally distressed. I do not htink it is necessarily the young age although it does not help.
Best advice I can give you is try and avoid discussing it too much at the weekend. Keep it light and positive.."schoool is fun..!" Distract him as much as possible ..go to park..do something entertaining...do not spend Sunday preparing or thinking about Monday.
Next, be firm take you Ds to the teacher/door and walk off quickly. Do not hang around or look in the window tempting as though it maybe..there is nothing more upsetting for some children than looking at Mummy waving to them from a window..it also helps the teacher if you are not hanging around..the longer you linger the more your child will cry... I have experience of this both as a parent/observer and teacher.
Children settle faster if the teacher has the opportunity to get their full attention and and get them interessted in something.
Another suggestion is if you are finding it really difficult speak to the teacher, she will understand, perhaps she can give your Ds a "job" in the morning...helper for setting out tables/pens e.t.c. this is a great one for distracting him as long as she does not have 6 other crying infants to deal with!
If he is allowed to take a small toy/car give it to him just as you are leaving or give him something he has to show to teacher.
If there was a friend he could go in with it would also be a distraction...arrange to meet or wait somewhere for other Mum and friend..one who is ideally happy about school!
Finally, this is not unusual, you are no different to many others. All children are different, some take longer to settle into school but the most important thing is they eventually do settle.
Stay calm and good luck..

Saracen Sat 10-Sep-11 22:10:33

I stopped running away from school within a week. I don't know whether I appeared happy. I know that I played while I was at school. I don't think I ever cried at school, or about school, after that first week.

I also know that the thought of school was always a worrying one for me right up until I was nine, and I lived for the holidays. After that age school didn't worry me anymore, but it certainly wasn't a place where I wanted to be.

Some children are unhappy when they first start school and later become happy there. Others put a brave face on it and make the best of a bad situation because they have given up hope of being taken home. That is not really the same as being happily settled, though it may look the same from the outside.

If your son settles down and appears to be OK, you can find out whether he really is happy at school by asking him. You could mention to him that some children don't go to school and ask what he thinks that would be like. If he says they must be bored and lonely, that tells you he likes school. If he thinks it would be a great thing never to go to school, then that tells you something too.

GloriaVanderbilt Sun 11-Sep-11 07:26:01

I agree Saracen though I did go on to develop some serious separation anxiety myself. After I was 8 or 9 (and the experience of a very bad teacher) I didn't ever appear settled again, even from the outside.
But that was unusual I think. Most people seemed to adjust. I might be a bit autistic as well, though it was never suggested.

But ds1 really DOES want to be at school - he needs the structure and often gets nervous in the holidays when things are less ordered and I start to fall apart at the seams a bit! I've offered to HE him so many times but he won't hear of it.

At his age (8) it was ALL I wanted. I think that goes to show that you can ask a child and get a reliable response.

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