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Ahhh, I can't believe it's still happening

(13 Posts)
Lizcat Fri 09-Sep-11 12:00:26

I know I have to speak to the school, but just looking for some support whilst I wait for the teacher to call me as I am beside myself.
Last year DD had trouble with another girl in her class. These problems included verbal abuse and pinching/ hitting. DD was not the only child to experience these problems, but was the most consistent recipient. DD's teacher (also head of department) took our need to discuss this very badly, we went from a Christmas report where DD was a happy, positive girl who was a pleasure to teach to in Feb being told DD was a negative glass half empty kind of girl. We had various meetings in which we were told that DD's strong sense of right and wrong, her need to support her friends when they were victims and constantly telling the staff when an incident had occurred were all part of the problem confused. We spoke to DD as the school asked us to about all of this - though I am not certain that they are right.
Going into year 3 the year has doubled inside and split into two classes and DD is not in the same class, however, they join together for PE etc. I thought this would help to resolve the problem. Wednesday, the first day of term in PE this other girl allegedly made a bee line for DD, knocked her to the floor, hit her and had to be removed by the teachers angry.
DD was very tired, but also unhappy on Wednesday night - she did not mention this incident. Another child has told their parent who has told me, hence me saying allegedly. This is typical of the kind of thing that happened last year- so I do feel there is probably a fair amount of truth in the story. I know my DD is not perfect and may have been partially complicit in the incident, but I really don't think she is the instigator.
I think DD now believes that there is no point telling us as we can't make it better sad. Where do I go now apart from removing DD from a school which both she and I love?

mistlethrush Fri 09-Sep-11 12:05:31

There must be a bullying policy? What does that say?

We've had a bit of a similar issue with Ds in Yr1 - although it was the actions of another child that resulted in him taking action and getting into trouble - it really doesn't help when another child is getting away with bad behaviour and the recipients of that behaviour end up getting stigmatised because of it.

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 09-Sep-11 12:07:41

It sounds like the other girl has special needs of some sort? Is she getting additional support at school?

coccyx Fri 09-Sep-11 12:08:40

I assume the teachers told you of the PE incident? i would expect to see an incident report if the teachers had to remove the bully girl from your daughter.
Having a sense of right and wrong is a good thing and no way would I agree to telling my children otherwise.
I would tell them you want to see the Head of the school. Ask to see the bullying procedure and what they are going to do about it. They and your daughter, need to know you mean business and will not just let it go.
My neice was bullied at about this age and my SIL took it as far as the governors.

MrsGravy Fri 09-Sep-11 12:09:10

So was anything at all done last year to address the hitting/verbal abuse your DD was suffering? Apart from trying to blame it on your DD that is...

Like you, I would be very concerned that my child had stopped telling me about this kind of incident. She clearly has got the message that either there is no point, or that it's her fault it's happening.

I would also be concerned that a teacher hadn't told me about the incident on Wednesday - ovbiously you need to establish that it did happen as described, but if it did then that's pretty serious and I would expect parents to be informed.

I'm sorry, I haven't enough experience to offer advice - perhaps give the teacher she has this year a chance to sort it then escalate quickly to head teacher, then governors if nothing is being done. Ultimately I would absolutely consider removing my child if the school was unprepared or unable to protect them.

Your poor DD sad

Lizcat Fri 09-Sep-11 12:24:53

I have just got off the phone to the teacher and the tale telling child has made every last bit of it upshock. However, I am relieved I have only spoken to MN about it and could reassure the teacher that she was the first person in RL who I have spoken to it about. I am really glad that I took this course of action as the mum of the tale teller is very vocal about other children's behaviour and several mums (including myself) believe that the tale teller has at the very least over dramatised things in the past. Hmmm maybe this has shown up less obvious bullying that was going on.
MrsGravy very little was done last year and this has given me the chance to tell the teacher that DD doesn't always tell as she doesn't believe that it can be fixed.
Thank you all for your hand holding.

Doowrah Fri 09-Sep-11 12:28:40

Play merry hell and don't take the slurs on your DD's character, the school is failing in it's duty of care tell them to sort it, threaten letters to County Hall and send one to Governors if the issue still remains unresolved consider what your daughter and you want to do re: possible school alternatives.

Agapanthii Fri 09-Sep-11 12:29:14

How can you love a school that does not protect your child from bullying and doesn't take her real distress seriously? One that results in your daughter becoming a negative glass half empty type of girl when previously she was not? Who, it appears is starting to believe it's her fault it's happening??

I would start showing it a lot less love and a lot more concern. Start with asking for details of the PE incident, if as alleged, staff were involved. Then keep on top of it until it is resolved, not until they, and your dd stop telling you about it. Good luck.

MrsGravy Fri 09-Sep-11 12:36:51

Wow - well done OP for being so sensible and checking with the teacher first! Here's hoping things are ok for your DD this year after all.

GloriaVanderbilt Fri 09-Sep-11 12:36:52

Just to say our school kept telling me that there were no problems when there WERE and then just to prove it, the problem occurred again in plain sight of the HT

I ended up being so angry and despondent about their procedures that I took ds out for two weeks. They really didn't like it but ended up authorising it as that looked better for them (I'd already got him at home by that stage)

Just be wary of believing everything they say.

Lizcat Fri 09-Sep-11 13:05:02

GV to be fair I have been there with regard to denying it happens, however, today I believe the teacher.
Agapanthii it is possible to love a school in this situation if aside from this DD is really happy and has lots of other lovely friends.
I now have high hopes for the year.

madamarcati Sat 10-Sep-11 19:54:03

bear in mind too that many ofl the other things this girl has supposed to have done in the past may be fabricated too!!

MigratingCoconuts Sun 11-Sep-11 11:38:06

I'm glad its resolved this time to your satisfaction. And it sounds it gave you an opportunity to make your points to the teacher (whilst also raising the new issue of the tell-tale).. Just goes to show!

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