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Which of your child(ren)'s friends/classmates do you like least and why?

(77 Posts)
NormaSnorks Sun 28-Aug-11 12:07:46

DS2 (9) asked me why we never seem to have classmate X over to play and I answered him quite honestly - "because he is rude to me, doesn't do things I ask (like take muddy shoes off in house) and is nasty to you about your toys and the things you do"
The bit I didn't say to DS is that I also think he is a bad influence on him, because DS copies his way of talking an attitude hmm

Out of DS1(11)'s 'friends' I'm least keen on a child who comes to our house and proceeds to turn it upside down - nosing in drawers/ fiddling with stuff (models, toys, techo things) until he breaks them, and also has no respect for our home - jumps around on sofas/beds, and goudged a big scratch in our kitchen table with a paper clip angry.

In both cases the parents think their children are little darlings/angels. I wish I had the guts to be honest with them...
In the case of the table incident, I DID mention it and the mother just looked a bit crestfallen, and said, "Oh poor Y, I expect he didn't realise he was doing it..."
No apology or anything....

JellyBelly10 Sun 28-Aug-11 13:04:41

I generally don't enjoy having other people's children in the house as it seems that every time my DS's have their friends over something ends up getting damaged or broken! On two separate occasions we've had beds broken because someone else's child was jumping on it and broke one of the wooden slats, we've had countless toys broken because of other children having absolutely no respect for things, we had one of our Wii controls broken because a cross child threw it angry and it cost us £40 to replace! But I think the worst is when other people's children are rude or aggressive or just behave appallingly because it's harder to tell someone else's child off so it looks to your own kids like the behaviour is acceptable. My kids are by no means angels but the behaviour of some of their friends makes me thank my lucky stars that I have such lovely boys!

vincentvangogh Sun 28-Aug-11 13:05:53

<hides thread as it seems not particularly nice>

gabid Sun 28-Aug-11 13:15:35

My DS is 6, so a bit younger and so far we have had 2 friends I didn't really like. I now think DS picks them as he enjoys being stupid and behave silly, with it came, on 2 occasions children with too few boundries at home, I suspect.

The first was the son of a good friend (they were age 3-4) who just put all her DS's behaviour down to genetics (throwing stones, rudeness, slamming doors into other people, too much noise in coffee shops/libraries etc.) and my DS found it hilarious (and still does) - and he was obsessed with that friend and copied behaviour over months and more. They didn't see each other so much when they started school and now, 2 years later my friend seems to have wisened up a bit and things have improved.

The second one is DS's 'best schoolfriend'. He came to our house and threw things very carelessly, he didn't listen to me, so it took me ages to make him. When he broke a toy I mentioned it to mum but she didn't quite believe me. That boy plays out with a boy who seems to be very naughty (wees on car tires, misbehaves at other peoples houses) and I think DS's friend copies that, but his mum doesn't seem to see it. Also, DS thinks that boy is great and copies him, e.g. he is not very articulate and DS copies his 'one word sentences' and mannerisms.

bigun1 Sun 28-Aug-11 13:24:29

Honestly, hand on heart, i cannot guarentee how MY child will be in other peoples homes DESPITE always drilling into him about manners and respect of other folks homes & belongings and feelings.

I KNOW we live by these mantras in our house. When he is with others and is in the company of a kid who isnt like this, he will be otherwise influenced...fact.

I dislike kids who are excessively loud, rude, destrcutive and who will not abide by resonable requests from an adult.

Ds is an only and loves the company of these children, however, my rules. I will not hesitate to take a child home earlier and tell the parent why if necissary.

gabid Sun 28-Aug-11 13:27:26

I have only had other peoples DCs round without their parents since DSs since DS started school, so 2 years and not that many either. With some children DS just plays nicely but with that one friend I always have to entertain (bake, try to initiate games, take them to the park etc) and tell someone off - seems bloody hard work.

I was a bit hesitant about telling DS's friend off, but have come to the conclusion that it's best to keep my boundaries where they are for everyone coming to my house - for my DS's sake. My DS is no angel and I can imagine when he notices that he can do what he likes he may push the boundaries, on the other hand he can be the most charming boy and adults think he is wonderful.

bigun1 Sun 28-Aug-11 13:27:44

One child shouted across my dining room to me:

" whats this slop youve given me?" shock

It was lasagne and i have checked with his lovely, gentle, funny mum that he liked lasagne prior to his visit!

gabid Sun 28-Aug-11 13:34:46

bigun1 - that is very rude, its one of my pet hates when children say 'this is disgusting' or the like. I have taught my DCs to taste the food and if they don't like it to just leave it or say that they don't really like X, as an adult might do, without offending anyone. But I hear 'uah, that's disgusting a lot' and parents don't seem to mind?

NormaSnorks Sun 28-Aug-11 13:44:47

bigun - angry - that reminds me of a friend/neighbour's little boy who had come round unexpectedly to play while she popped out. She was then late picking him up hmm and I gave him and the DCs a toasted cheese and ham sandwich (proper cheddar, wholemeal bread and 'nice' ham wink... he peeled it open, peered at it, dropped it on his plate and said 'do you normally eat this stuff?'

vincent - it's not meant to be a 'nasty' thread, but I am just amazed by the behaviour of other people's children sometimes.

I know mine are no angels either, but I've spontaneously had comments from friends like 'DS1 is so polite, and he helped clear the table - can you get him to teach X how to do that?!'
or
'DS2 is a dream to have round - he can come anytime..'

My friends know that I would expect them to tell me if there had been any issues, and I genuinely believe they would.

Meanwhile the mother of DS2's friend X has commented to another friend that her son doesn't seem to get invited round much to other people's houses - surely the alarm bells ought to be ringing for her?

usualsuspect Sun 28-Aug-11 13:50:49

I wonder what other parents say about your kids?

just saying....

NormaSnorks Sun 28-Aug-11 14:26:56

usualsuspect - I've told you what they typically say...

I think some parents are just so blatently(or wilfully?!) unaware of how their children behave.

Ok, so most people probably wouldn't give a blow-by-blow account of what a child did, but they might say 'he was a bit boisterous' (= he trashed our house) or 'he didn't eat very much' (= he spat bolognese sauce across the table) or 'he seemed a bit over-excited' (= he kept jumping on the sofas and having cushion fights even after being repeatedly told not to). I would always recognise this as an indication that there had been an issue and ask a bit more?

usualsuspect Sun 28-Aug-11 14:29:18

Well there's nowt so annoying as other peoples kids, especially if yours are so well behaved

muriel76 Sun 28-Aug-11 14:35:50

I'm a bit speechless by this thread, I don't know where to start....

So maybe I won't!! hmm

Pagwatch Sun 28-Aug-11 14:35:53

grin
I always say " oh your little Jimmy was a pleasure." even if it was very far from the truth.

I never trust what other parents say. They are probably being as polite as I am.
One of my friends often tells me about unsolicited praise she has received about her DD. Her DD is far from praiseworthy. A nice little girl but rude, messy etc etc.
I assume all children have good and bad points. <<shrugs>>

The only child I struggle with is one who asks things like "what car do you drive" "why dies your ds have to go to a state school"
I just keep reminding myself that she is repeating what she has heard. Not her fault.

StringOrNothing Sun 28-Aug-11 14:37:43

One of DS's schoolfellows asked me "What's up with DS? Why doesn't his brain work properly?"
Whilst it's a valid question, he asked in a pretty unpleasant way, and I struggled to be polite.

muriel76 Sun 28-Aug-11 14:37:54

Oh Pagwatch has said it for me.......thank you.

Espec this bit I assume all children have good and bad points. <<shrugs>>

NormaSnorks Sun 28-Aug-11 14:53:05

Pag - yes - we know a child like that - "why don't you have a swimming pool....?" and even to DS2 "how much does your Dad earn?" shock

On a first visit I will usually give a child the benefit of the doubt, but if they are a bit of a pain in the ar$e/ rude etc EVERY time then they just won't get invited back again. Simple.

I guess I'm just saying that perhaps the mother of DS2's friend, who has commented that her son doesn't seem to get invited round much to other people's houses, should perhaps try to work out why??

Or should we all stop being so polite, and simply say, "your child behaved abominably, here's a bill for the broken bed, and having my table re-polished... oh, and he's never coming back, unless he learns to be more polite and respect other people's property..Bye!"

Would be much easier.

Ilikepinkwine Sun 28-Aug-11 15:02:23

I am happy to have my children's friends in my home, I can honestly say there are none I dislike. I'm an adult, far too busy mumsnetting working and raising a family to waste time disliking my children's friends.

Ask me again when they hit their teens.

grumpypants Sun 28-Aug-11 15:02:51

I don't dislike any of the dc's friends. They are children. I donkt get disliking a child.

Pagwatch Sun 28-Aug-11 15:09:37

Ilikepinkwine

I have rep teenagers. I like all their friends too.

By the time they are teenagers, if you like your child you are likely to like the friends they chose I think

Pagwatch Sun 28-Aug-11 15:10:09

Rep teenagers?

Two teenagers.

usualsuspect Sun 28-Aug-11 15:11:14

I like all my teenage sons friends

NormaSnorks Sun 28-Aug-11 15:14:59

OK- maybe my thread title wasn't perfect - perhaps it should have read "Which your child(ren)'s friends/classmates behaviour do you like least and why?"

Thing is, by the time kids reach ages like 9 and nearly 12, behaviour is becoming quite entrenched, and harder to change, so it's become inextricably linked to the person/child's personality?
I'm also busy mumsnetting working and raising a family/ trying to create a nice home, so I find it very hard to like anyone who then damages/ trashes it...

Feels pretty normal - and sounds it, judging from some of comments earlier in the thread?

Isn't that a key part of parenting - ensuring that a child is brought up and socialised so that they are welcome and accepted into friends' homes? Not dreaded.....

WelliesAndABrolly Sun 28-Aug-11 15:21:08

There is only one of dd's friends that I actively try to avoid asking round because she is rather spiteful and stirs up trouble between dd and her other friends which dd finds very confusing.

What I really find annoying is children who expect me to entertain them rather than playing with dc or are constantly interupting my mumsnettingcoming in asking what I am doing or when tea is.

I must say this thread did sound rather meh but I feel better for getting it off my chest!

Carrotsandcelery Sun 28-Aug-11 15:22:07

Can I just ask you exercise a little caution in what you say to your children when you don't want a particular child to come and play.

One mother in our village decided she didn't like our ds. It turns out he wasn't the guilty party but that is not really relevant. She went on about it to her son and he repeated it to my ds.

This escalated to such a degree that my ds has now been diagnosed with mental health problems as a direct result of this boy repeating what his mother had said about my ds to my ds. The consequences are severe and far reaching.

I do not expect anyone to have anyone they don't like round to their house but please do be careful what you tell your dcs.

My ds in only 6 sad

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