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Reluctant and easily frustrated 5 year old.

(10 Posts)
horationelson Thu 18-Aug-11 12:38:29

Ds who is due to go into year 1 this September gets frustrated easily and will sometimes be reluctant to join in if its something he just doesn't want to do. He sometimes is very negative and cries easily. He didn't get a prize at tennis last week and was devastated! I told him thats just how it is and not everyone can win.

I am very positive with him and give him lots of praise but is there anything I can do for him. thankyou.

horationelson Thu 18-Aug-11 20:48:26


IndigoBell Thu 18-Aug-11 21:02:08

Do you give him too much praise? Does it sound empty and patronising to him? An endless stream of 'Good Boy'?

When you do use praise, only praise stuff which is genuinely good, and make the praise very specific so he knows what he's done that is good. And don't use it constantly.....

Do you also show him that you make mistakes too? 'Oh, silly me - look what I've just done. Oh well, never mind. Everybody makes mistakes....'

Can you get him to teach you how to do something?

Is he reluctant because the activity is too hard? Too scary? Too messy? Too noisy? Something he's never done before? Too unknown?

horationelson Thu 18-Aug-11 21:19:12

I don't think its such a problem at home unless I am getting hime to do something such as writing which he says he can't do. At tennis last week on the first day the coach said he was frustrated and didn't want to join in. He was fine at the following session. He asked me if I was proud of him, i said of course I was. Bless.

I'm worried that this is going to be happening a lot when he goes up in September and he will struggle.

Not sure if I praise him too much but will bear in mind what you have said. Thankyou for replying. smile

horationelson Thu 18-Aug-11 21:22:06

Interesting about me getting him to teach me something. I tend to butt in and help him out. blush Will work on that.

mrsruffallo Thu 18-Aug-11 21:30:34

My 5 yr old is the same. He will be going into year one, too. Getting him to read is like pulling teeth. I know he can do it, his teacher says he can do it, but he doesn't seem to believe he can.
DH and I have made a pact to only start worrying if he still negative about reading/writing when he is 7. I hope we can stick to it.
I don't overly praise him, and only try to do so when it is genuine.
I think the oversensitive,competitive thing is quite normal.
You sound like you are doing agreat job, just carry on and try to be patient.

horationelson Thu 18-Aug-11 21:40:48

mrsruffalo I'm trying to be more patient, not my strong point. I'm also oversensitive myself so I'm really wanting him to have more confidence, but maybe this is just the way he is. Hopefully it is just an age thing.

livinonaprayer Thu 18-Aug-11 21:46:21

It is quite an important lesson to learn that it is ok to make mistakes or have to practice at something and this is probably what I would focus on. Just passing comments about how long it took you to learn how to do something. I talk to mine about how long it took me to learn to drive for instance!!

Think in part though this is just a life lesson that you have to support him through, you can't always be the winner or get the prize, but still have to try. It's a tough one, I know many adults who haven't managed it yet wink but you can just keep talking this through as you are doing already. And again talk about your own experiences both winning and losing and how you felt so he can see that it is normal, as sometimes children find their feelings scary!

sarahfreck Mon 22-Aug-11 13:42:30

Children often go through a phase at about age 5 or 6 of having to win a game or prize and getting upset if they don't. With maturity, they usually grow out of it. Try modelling how to be a good loser when playing games like snakes and ladders. When you lose, talk about how you fell upset but you know you can't always win and you might win another time etc.

sarahfreck Mon 22-Aug-11 13:42:48

feel - not fell!

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