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Should I change DD's school? Nothing seems to be 'happening' for her...

(17 Posts)
Sammiez Sat 23-Jul-11 16:11:42

My DD,just finished Yr1, had confidence issues on starting Year 1. I went from considering a tutor, to her starting swimming lessons just to help boost her confidence. I stopped doing anything academic with her at home,even staying off Mumsnet(so I do not have any expectations),so she doesn't feel the pressure to perform or feel that's how to please me.

I really want her to grow up confident and happy irrespective of her academic success.

I feel she never 'connected' with her teacher in Year 1. I really liked this teacher, but now feel she hasn't been 'good' for my dd. My dd said, 'she never notices when I do something right'.

We have been working on dd's confidence from the beginning of the term, but in the last Parents' evening, she told me dd shuts down when she has made a mistake and panicks(sp) so much that she forgets the very basic things that she knows already. Of course, I panicked at that! I just cannot see any progress in Year 1,whether academic or emotional? And she is in the top group in her class??? Scary!!!

Thinking of changing school because it seems parents aren't really heard unless the situation is really really really apparent to them? I have no idea. Teacher told me she was considering having a counsellor see my daughter next obviously she thinks it is serious,but then says she finds dd's shutting down 'annoying'. I understand how it can be annoying but then wondered if that wasn't part of the problem if dd feels she is being blamed.

I know a teacher's job is hard,plus they have got at least 20kids, but I do not want this to continue for my dd. She was bullied in her group and inthe school and nothing really was ever done. I approached school, but got nothing. I am so fed up of going in to say the 'obvious' to them and getting nothing.

Now she is going into Yr 2 and the new teacher has a reputation that frightens me,especially with dd's low confidence.

I am thinking now that a totally different learning environment might do her a world of good...

Please advise

IndigoBell Sat 23-Jul-11 17:46:50

A fresh start might do her the world of good. It sometimes does.

I moved my 3 from one local school to another and am very pleased. I'm also amazed how different the 2 schools are........

Sammiez Sat 23-Jul-11 19:27:48

Thank you for responding.
Good for you you are happy with school change! Was this recent? What helped your decision? Was it just the OFSTED reports?

IndigoBell Sat 23-Jul-11 19:52:51

Actually I didn't particularly chose this school. I put my kids name for both the other schools I could get to, and this one offered me a place first.

It was nothing to do with OFSTED reports, and I didn't look around the school.

Just talked to a few other local Mums (over the years we'd lived here). But mainly I had decided to move school, and there were very few I could get to.

The school we moved to has worse SAT results. It does have a better OFSTED, but I don't think I even read it before moving.

MigratingCoconuts Sat 23-Jul-11 21:15:52

Be very careful that you check out the schools and are totally sure they will do better than the one you are at currently. I do feel for you and understand what you are feeling (had similar concerns myself this year). However, you could compound any difficulties if the new school does not live up to expectations.

Also, will she have a different teacher in the old school next year? This may make all the difference if she has a new and better relationship in year 2.

If you are confident about a change though, then go for it!

daisysue2 Sat 23-Jul-11 22:06:07

Some schools just aren't right for your child. Sometimes it's worth holding out and seeing how they settle down but other times you need to cut and run. We moved out of the first school when my dd finished year 2 and had been unhappy at the school since reception. I wished I had changed much earlier but circumstances prevented the move. Once out of the awful infant school she flourished and I have never looked back. Much more confident and relaxed and so am I.

I think if you are unhappy you really should have a meeting with the teacher in the first few weeks of school, if you don't decide to leave. Have a list of your concerns and what you think should be done to help the situation. Remember teachers don't always have the answers and maybe more than happy to carry out any suggestions that you feel will help your child. Keep going back to the teacher until you are happy with the way your child is being treated in school.

Sammiez Sat 23-Jul-11 22:59:09

That's the problem I am having-I just do not know how I'd know. I know OFSTED doesn't say much about the 'community' or non-academic support children get. This teacher was just overly focused on academics.

Teacher tells me how low dd's confidence is but nothing has been done-just got worse. Everytime I ask her how dd is doing,she says she is in the top group,I told her to move her down the group because she is too unhappy and knows she is the weakest there. She is too young to be struggling with herself.

Her Year 2 teacher has a reputation I am scared of,especially with DD's confidence,etc, but I will see how she gets on with her. I have got forms from another school close to the present one, so if there is no progress and I am offered a place, I will move her. I do not know if I have chosen right. I only know one mum in this other school and she says it is 'great'. A school is great if one's kids haven't had any unresolved issues in it.

Thank you for replies.

daisysue2 Sun 24-Jul-11 05:50:45

My dd is in one of the top ofstead schools and believe me it means nothing, most of the children are miserable and unhappy as the school is purely focused on ofstead and sats. They do nothing to make their children happy and see any complaint as an affront to their reputation ie we are a top performing school what do you as parents know. They aren't prepared to listen. Also remember that you dd may have these issues in any school but she may need a school that is far more nurturing to help her through them.

MigratingCoconuts Sun 24-Jul-11 07:50:36

do go and visit the great school with DD at the earliest opportunity to see how she feels about it too. OFSTED means swat all next to your gut feeling, local feedback and how DD reacts to the vibe there.

Good luck!

sarahfreck Mon 25-Jul-11 14:07:31

Can you talk to your health visitor or school nurse? They may be able to arrange for your dd to see someone regarding her anxiety and lack of confidence. This could then be put in place independently of whichever school you decide is best for her.

Sammiez Mon 25-Jul-11 19:01:32

Thank you everyone! I have contacted the other school and spoken to people who say though it isn't a very academic school, it is very much a community school very involved in nurturing the children.

Next term,I will visit with dd, talk to health visitor and even current head teacher.

Thank you!

Sammiez Tue 06-Sep-11 22:31:24

I started a this thread and didn't feel as alone in my decision to move my daughter. I went from wanting a tutor to extra curricular activities just to have my bubbly dd back. I still wonder till date if her personality will ever be restored totally. I hate myself for not seeing it sooner,but grateful at least that the scales fell off my eyes. Just soooo sad and afraid.

I applied to a different school in the area which happens to be a Catholic school and now we have got a call that there might be space for DD and I am panicking big time. What if it is the same story of being ignored and DD made to feel hopeless? I know these feelings come with big decisions but just cannot shake them off

Sammiez Tue 06-Sep-11 23:07:43


mummytime Wed 07-Sep-11 10:30:48

Have you visited the school? Have you talked to them about your fears?
Personally my kids have thrived with a teacher with a "scary reputation" she really brought the best out of them.
I also have a bright child, who undervalues herself, and rips up work if it doesn't reach her high standards. However her school have been great and she is improving.
You just have to do what you think is right, and don't go on other judgements.

sarahfreck Wed 07-Sep-11 10:40:39

I'd go and visit the new school ( without dd at first) and just be really honest about your daughters issues and anxieties. Explain you are looking for a really nurturing school with really good pastoral care. You aren't committing to anything by just going for a visit.
I think you will get quite a good feel from their replies plus the general atmosphere you sense when you look round.
i still think it might be worth contacting our health visitor or school nurse about your daughters difficulties to see if they can help.

IndigoBell Wed 07-Sep-11 11:10:05

It's a risk to change school of course it is.

But it's also a risk to stay where you are.

What you have to decide if whether it's more likely she'll ignored and be made to feel hopeless at a new school, or at her old school.

I think the new school will be better, partly because you'll discuss her issues before she even starts there, and partly because it's very likely it's a better school.

Schools are very different. Some really are an awful lot better than others.

But yes it is a risk. But I think you should go for it.

Sammiez Thu 08-Sep-11 17:00:46

Thank you for replies.

We went to see school today and I think they are more a nurturing school than the one my dd is attending at the moment. I am still scared and so is dd but I am not looking back. I have totally lost faith in current school so we cannot go on there.

She starts next week and we hope all turns out well...

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