Can a 5yo be a bully?

[rebl]

I mean in the true sense of the word? I mean, are they capable of being systematically vindictive against 1 child reguarly and do it because they actually mean to be nasty all the time?

My ds is being picked on by a boy in his class everyday. The boy isn't being nice at all. He's also breaking ds's toys that he takes in. He's telling other children to get him and telling other children to run away from my ds. My dh says its bullying but I'm not sure a 5yo (admittedly he's one of the older ones in the class) can actually be a bully.

DH and I need this clearing up so I thought I would ask MN!

The school are being very supportive over it all btw.

[mrz]

yes

[fivegomadindorset]

Yes

[BerylOfLaughs]

yes!

[WhenCanIWine]

I remember one in my class when I was at infant school. He carried on being a bully all the way thro school and I remember his name 40 years later.

[thisisyesterday]

yes, they can. ds1 had the same thing happen to him in reception. the boy is just nasty, sadly ds1 desperately wants to be his friend

[exoticfruits]

Yes

[Lonnie]

yes they can

[teacherwith2kids]

Yes. DS (10) no longer has the bruises to prove it, but he does have a lasting speech hesitation (huge progress from selective mutism though) and finds it hard to work closely with a partner in class as said 5 year old used to hit, pinch, kick and verbally abuse him during such paired work....

[coccyx]

OOOOOOOO yes. hope you get it sorted

[dikkertjedap]

Unfortunately and sadly, yes.

[scotchbroth2]

DD was mercilessly bullied by a few 5yos in p1 and it still affects her. Bit of a silly question tbh.

[Eveiebaby]

Yes - sadly some 5 year olds are a lot more clued up than you would ever think possible

[rebl]

scotchbroth I don't think it was a silly question. Neither of my 2 5yo would do such a thing because I actually don't think either of them think things through that much.

[munstersmum]

Yes. I was gobsmacked to find so but sadly definitely yes.
Glad to hear school being good.

[thebeansmum]

God teachermum, that's bloody awful for your poor DS. And for you to 'go through' with him. I hope his future is brighter - sounds as though it may be getting better.

[teacherwith2kids]

Thank you bean - it's been 5 years, through a period of home ed, a move to another part of the country, and a nerw start in a new school he has made sooooo much progress.

However he does still have blips and inconsistencies in the way he behaves and performs in class (which I have to explain most years to his teacher at some point, as they don't always appreciate why my otherwise very bright DS failes to be quite where they expect him to be in some areas. For example in the current year he was regarded as 'not doing as well as expected' in Science - after a conversation with his teacher she disentangled the 'group work' aspects from the 'actual ability in science' aspect and found that he was excelling in the subject, but that anxiety in group work had made it hard for him to demonstrate this) which are absolutely consistent with what the Ed Psych he saw predicted might be the long term effects of what happened.

Glad the op's school is being supportive. We were not quite so lucky - head and SENCo were supportive but class teacher couldn't cope.

[VeganMummy]

I'd definitely agree that 5 yr olds can be bullies. DD has had problems at one of the activities she goes to and we had to complain. A 5 yr old girl was waiting until the teacher's back was turned and then pinching and pushing DD and pulling her hair, to the point where DD was saying she didn't want to go anymore. Thankfully it has stopped now. One of DD's 5 yr old friends is being bullied too. So sad that it starts this young.

[BobbyWaring]

Bullying is the persistent (and normally deliberate) misuse of power or position to intimidate, humiliate or undermine.

It can take many forms, and can be:

physical (at worst, an assault)

verbal (shouting, swearing, public reprimands)

non-verbal (ostracising, setting impossible objectives, persistent intrusion into classes, unreasonable allocation of duties, or even inappropriate eye-contact). Age has nothing to do with it. There are many resources to help such as; www.bullying.co.uk/
The school must have an antibullying policy which should be available to you.

[Goblinchild]

Usually a 5 year old who displays bullying behaviour is still at the very egocentric stage. Where other people's needs, feelings, possessions and rights just don't register.
So yes, they can display very bullying behaviour and it needs addressing consistently and quickly by everyone.

[TidyDancer]

Five-year-olds can definitely be bullies. Sorry, I really wish that wasn't true.

[skybluepearl]

yes of course a 5 year old can be a bully. a 5 year old will know what he/she is doing.

[blewit]

i've come across one or two in the class like this. I'm not sure they know what they're doing and what effect it has but they do persistently hurt people. My dd came home this week with a bruise on her face and a cut in her mouth where one (notorious one) had hit her in the face at playtime with a piece of wood. I know his mum and she's lovely. Don't know how it comes about really. The first time he hurt her she needed medical treatment.

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Yes that is definately bullying because it seems the boy understands that he is hurting your ds

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Have to add that I understand how hard it is because dd1 is going through similar but the bully in her class is my best friends dd! How to tackle it? They have grown up together since being babies and this girl now constantly runs off with their mutual friend and excludes her from games, gives small things to the other friend in front of her and doesn't give to her etc. It hurts me because I was bullied from reception until senior school.

[rebl]

My ds hit him today. Mixed emotions about that I must say. Whilst I don't condon hitting maybe it will get this boy off ds's back. Have of course given ds the whole you mustn't hit under any circumstances lecture and answered all his protests about what the other boy was doing with you must go tell the teacher and you must not hit.