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Red card system killing sons self confidence!!

(20 Posts)
Jamo39 Fri 08-Jul-11 13:56:31

My son has been placed on red card for the last 4 + weeks now at school for minor misgivings,tripping pupils up etc..
& has spent time in headmasters office lost play/golden time.
But it doesn't appear to be sinking in, it is however causing him to have facial ticks (twitching) and self confidence has plummited.
This public display (written Names on red naughty board at frount of class)
is very humiliating for him to see everyday. My reaction is to give him his own private book for him to write positive things he has achieved during the day & for the teacher to put in inapprioate behaviour in and keep it private to him. Yes I agree he needs to do the punishments, personally for him to remain in red for 7 days is a huge negative influence as he just gives in trying to impress for the rest of that week.
Does anyone else hate this red card system or is it just me being petty.
I thought school was about building confidence not shattering it.

MindyMacready Fri 08-Jul-11 13:59:45

Have you spoken with him to try and alter his behaviour at school?

Jamo39 Fri 08-Jul-11 14:10:57

Oh so many times,I find it hard to understand as we are a very caring hugging , happy house and talk about everything he just replies he's sorry or i did it by accident!
I have a meeting with his teacher on monday so will go from there.
He is however fairli immature for his age and enjoys making people laugh but is turning himself into the class clown.
Frustrated mother!

MindyMacready Fri 08-Jul-11 14:12:35

Good luck with the meeting, obviously something needs to change so I hope that together you can get to the bottom of it. Have a fun weekend with DS.

tethersend Fri 08-Jul-11 14:16:18

If he's remaining in red for 7 days, the punishment is clearly ineffective and the school need to try another strategy.

Have they tried a reward system? What incentive has he got to improve his behaviour?

AMumInScotland Fri 08-Jul-11 14:23:57

I hope all goes well with the meeting. If you don't mind a bit of advice, I'd try to aim for saying "How can we work together to improve things as this system doesn't seem to be having the effect" and not about hating the system and being negative about how they use it.

Maybe you could all agree what DS has to do to get out of the red zone once he is in it, so he has some control over it - I agree staying in it for 7 days doesn't give him much incentive for the rest of the week if he can't see any way to redeem himself.

morechocolate Fri 08-Jul-11 14:26:53

Presume you have considered the obvious reasons such as lack of confidence with work etc. I would be wanting school to look at the reasons.

Jamo39 Fri 08-Jul-11 14:30:01

Thank you all so much for your advice it really helps,I will continue to nurture and support him in every way I can. you are right there is no incentive or reward for him to do better I will bring this up.

EustaciaVye Fri 08-Jul-11 16:40:39

Our school gives a red card for 1 day and then they start afresh the next day.
They lose 5 mins golden time on a Friday if they get a red card during the week.

activate Fri 08-Jul-11 16:44:19

yes you absolutely need to speak to school about changing the system used for your child

however you also need to appreciate that in now way is 'tripping pupils' a minor misdemeanour - it is a physically aggressive act and other students can end up hurt

as long as you appreciate that he appears to be displaying some inapproprite behaviour you should be able to work together with the school to support your child

AbigailS Fri 08-Jul-11 17:38:10

Not sure exactly what you mean by the red card system, but basically you are saying the school's system of sanctions is having an impact on his self esteem? Playing devil's advocate here. Can you be sure of this or might his self esteem issues be to do with getting in trouble regularly? And he is getting into trouble for poor behaviour, some of which could cause serious injury to other children. If your child was injured by a child or their learning was being impacted because of a child or children's bad behaviour what would your response be then?

skybluepearl Fri 08-Jul-11 17:46:52

I must say that tripping pupils is not a minor thing. I know a girl whos arm was broken due to tripping. I agree that he has to face the punishments for his crimes but also may need more insentives to do well. Do they do reward chartsat school? Can you reward him with something small daily at home for not getting a red card? Reinforce good behaviour.

Blu Fri 08-Jul-11 17:54:34

I agree that the system is clearly not working, but then if he is tripping people up, which HURTS, INJURES and HUMILIATES people, then neither is your caring happy huggy system!

Both you and school need to set clear boundaries, clear expectations and act clearly and fairly - and most of all consistently - when he behaves in a way that is not acceptable in school.

See if you can come to this arrangement with the school.

But it is a bit much to concentrate on what you see as the failings of the school system over and above concentrating on the fact that your child could badly hurt someone.

UniS Fri 08-Jul-11 20:08:43

repeatedly saying sorry and going on to repeat the aggressive behaviour is not acceptable behaviour. To be on red every day for 4 weeks suggests he has been aggressive to other children every day for 4 weeks. Saying sorry isn't enough, the behaviour has to to change.

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran Fri 08-Jul-11 20:15:00

If the "red card" system is what is used to discipline children in the class, why should your son be different? Why should he have a secret book so that all the other well behaved children know he's being treated differently?

Tripping other children up deliberately is not a "minor misgiving" - it's serious misbehaviour and the other child could be badly hurt.

So, to reiterate, your idea is that your son can write in a private book all the good behaviours he has done - who decides? Your son? And the teacher writes the inappropriate behaviours? But these are not mentioned to the other pupils in the same way that their behaviour would be?

You can't have one rule for your son and a different rule for everyone else. If you don't like the school's policies, move your son to a different school where the policies are more to your liking.

And at the end of the day, sorry is only a word - doesn't mean anything if his behaviour doesn't change.

Lindax Fri 08-Jul-11 20:42:43

surely the incentive to do better is to keep off the red card? what other kind of rewards are you looking for a basic level of behaviour? not a good message imo

"he just replies he's sorry or i did it by accident", would not wash in our house if ds was a regular repeat offender, especially at tripping other children.

that sounds tough but honestly I'm a big softy with ds, but if there is behaviour that is unacceptable it is dealt with.

activate Fri 08-Jul-11 21:49:22

Lindax - no, negative reinforcement is not always the appropriate way to approach behaviour modifcation

this is all stick and no carrot

there should be a reinforcement of positive behaviours so child doesn't think I always get it wrong what's the point

that said I stick my comment about wholly inappropriate aggressive behaviour and not belittling its seriousness

Lindax Fri 08-Jul-11 22:08:58

activate re read my post and havent worded it well, not meant quite like that, of course good behaviour should also get a pat on the back but still stand by a child consistently being on the red card, then not being on the red card is a postive message which should be congratuated (teacher and parent saying well done in public)

didldidi Fri 08-Jul-11 22:15:31

I would be a lot more concerned about why he was in the red card for four weeks running to be honest.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 08-Jul-11 22:23:02

Tripping up another child is hardly minor, not if it leads to a serious head injury, which it COULD. If I were the parent of a tripped child I would be wanting the school to discipline the tripper. The whole idea of the red card is to name and shame. Seems your son might not be understanding the link between the red card and his behaviour.

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