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Oh my lordy lord! DS2 will be in Mrs B's class next year

(30 Posts)
Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 12:23:07

Mrs B has a reputation for liking girls and struggling with boys. She seems to be a good teacher - at least she was with DD because DD is a perfectionist, a hard worker and very determined. DS1 was not. She got one well with DD, she didn't with DS1. In spades. In fact she made him quite unhappy and he struggled in her class. DS2 is like DS1 x 1000. Intelligent, interested in everything, knowledgable but learns at his own pace which tends to be in massive bursts of speed and acheivement a few terms after everyone else hmm Currently his teachers like him, have put in loads of effort with him, and he is doing really well. I can just imagine what Mrs B will make of him.....

She actually said to me when DD left school "Your oldest 2 are so different. I can't wait to see what you've got for me next time..." hmm I think it will be ....interesting... for her.

DS2 gets butterflies going to school on the days when one of his jobshare teachers is going to be in because she is much stricter than the other one. He has already heard playground rumours that his next teacher metaphorically eats naughty little boys for breakfast.... How to prepare him for her? I am genuinely worried.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 05-Jul-11 12:34:01

Have you raised your concerns with the school?

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 12:45:00

I can't see what that will acheive apart from pissing off the teacher. If he gets moved to the other year group (only other option) he will lose all his classmates.

Elibean Tue 05-Jul-11 13:12:06

Hello Orm....hmmm...tricky one. I think you are right, he is going to need coping strategies (and so is she, but sadly you can't help her work on hers grin).

I've only got dds, not sure I can help much, but I suppose I would try and support his relationship with Mrs B by eg:

a) finding things for him to take in to show her/tell her so he gets to engage with her teachy side , 'makes friends' with her. She might find it easier, as might he, if she gets to connect with him over something.

b) by trying, in conversations with ds, to re-frame her less pleasant characteristics in ways that show you are on HIS side because you understand, but at the same time humanise her - make her less scary (eg use words like 'bit grumpy', 'bit stressed', 'maybe she's finding it hard because'). dd1 had a temp teacher once who was clearly quite angry and hard, not dd's cup of tea at all: we had long bedtime talks about Miss X and how she was a bit stressy, maybe didn't understand stuff about dd, etc etc. By the end of term dd felt quite sorry for her and wasn't phased by her at all - possibly very inappropriate on my part, but made dd feel and cope better!

c) If anything escalates, go in and talk to her - sympathise with/listen to/understand her as much as possible, and then put ds's case.

d) ask his current teachers, who 'get' him, to please explain him to Mrs B! And if you really trust them, explain your concerns to them, in confidence - they might be able to help a bit??

All that said, its really her responsibility to get some support or whatever she needs to help her be as good with boys as she is with girls. Or go teach in an all girls' school hmm

Sounds frustrating - silly Mrs B!

GooseyLoosey Tue 05-Jul-11 13:15:55

Ds had this with a teacher who just did not do loud, full-on boys. I regret not being more involved and saying more. With hindsight, I would have approached her directly and asked how she was dealing with him and what strategies we could put in place together. I would not have criticised her but would have made it clear that I was intending to be proactive and wanted to work with her. I agree, you do not want to piss off the teacher.

ragged Tue 05-Jul-11 13:19:12

Yeah, you definitely can't go in saying "She's a lousy teacher". Why did you keep your DS at this school knowing there was a high risk your DS would get Mrs. B?

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 14:33:25

Don't be daft ragged hmm

Would you take a child out of an otherwise good school that suited him simply because in one year out of the 7 he might get a teacher that didn't suit him?

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 14:33:45

I will speak to his current teacher I think.

Hullygully Tue 05-Jul-11 14:37:01

Orm, I would make that teacher love me. There has only been one teacher that didn't work with a loony old bat and with her I just told ds, sorry mate, some people in life are a bit horrid and you'll have to keep your head down. I still went in and was lovely to the teacher incessantly and said things like, oh dear, some children are much harder aren't they? What might we do etc?

Hullygully Tue 05-Jul-11 14:38:11

And in th elong run I owuld have meetings with the teacher and ds where we all discussed how we might work together, I'd involve the head if necessary, and I'd generally not quite let her squash him.

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 14:50:29

She does love me hully. She thinks I am wonderful because I gave her class a talk about archaeology once - well I came in with some artefacts and a pointing trowel and waffled a bit hmm So maybe that will help DS2 - but I am not convinced.

Hullygully Tue 05-Jul-11 14:52:19

What would happen if you went in (when necessary) and cried and expressed your extreme sorrow at how they don't seem to be getting on very well?

Hullygully Tue 05-Jul-11 14:54:17

I had this recently with ds' maths teacher. After I had showered him with love, he did behave a bit better in class, but then deliberately didn't give him a maths award at the end of term which caused no end of hilarity, partic as ds is a maths whiz.

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 14:54:55

So...talk to current teacher. Talk to Mrs B (how do I kick off that conversation). Lots of positive talk to DS2.....

Still worried. IME teachers have to see something to like in every child - with some they are hard-working or very good at a particular subject, with some they just click, with some they remind them of their own kids...... but she simply didn't see the point of DS1, couldn't think of anything positive to say about him.

Elibean Tue 05-Jul-11 14:56:47

Ah - so you've done the showing-things-finding-ways-to-connect bit already. Good that she loves you, can only help!

Yes, I would talk to current one - friend is doing the same due to worries about her dd next year, and current one was very helpful.

Elibean Tue 05-Jul-11 14:57:00

'Friend has done'

JamieAgain Tue 05-Jul-11 18:22:24

Perhaps he could take her an apple on his first day. I have heard this works.

ragged Tue 05-Jul-11 18:46:03

No I wouldn't take him out of the school, Orm, but I wouldn't be in such a flap about it that I'd post on MN, either. Or typecast a teacher as "good with girls bad with boys".
There is one teacher I'm hoping DS won't get, just because I think she's impatient & intolerant and you need buckets of patience with DS, plus he just stubbornly rebels against ultimatums... but teachers have often surprised me. The one supposed to be bitchy & dozey & minded to overlook "bright" children was attentive, loving & maternal with (fairly bright) DD; the one supposed to be ultra-strict, and snippy with parents is actually very witty & all the kids at school love her & think it's an honour to get in her class.

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 19:49:38

Well as 2 of my DC have been through her class I think I am entitled to an opinion about her.

leosdad Tue 05-Jul-11 20:15:21

I have a similar dread of being told DS will be in Miss X's class next year, his sister was taught by her a couple of years back and quite frankly she is not that bright and can't cope with non average children (took more than the usual nqt year and must have been the only applicant that year - we are in an area next to higher paid london boroughs where the better teachers go) After DD's time with her I said that I would take DS out of the school rather than waste a year in her class unfortunately he will be going into year 6 and would be hard to change him for just one year.

LeoTheLateBloomer Tue 05-Jul-11 20:21:03

What's the TA like? Could she be an ally for him?

bigTillyMint Tue 05-Jul-11 20:22:54

I dreaded DS being in a certain teacher's class this year, as DD had hated her. He didn't get her, but goes to her for maths and likes her waaaayyyy more than his calssteacher grin

So it might work out OK?

Ormirian Tue 05-Jul-11 20:23:17

I don't know leo - I will find out. After 10 years I know most of them

JamieAgain Tue 05-Jul-11 20:25:06

Yes, good point about the TA

JJ Tue 05-Jul-11 20:28:39

I think it's fine to have opinions on teachers.

What I would do* is be in there all friendly but every single time that something happened. I don't think there are many teachers** so horrid that they would take it out on a child and that most of the time* saying something (again and again and again) just makes the person stop and think before reacting. But I would be excruciatingly nice.

*you are not me, so this might not work for you
**there must be some or one or two but I haven't come across them
*see above, this is just my experience, I work from the theory that people won't know they're pissing me the fuck off if I don't tell them. Nicely.

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