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Naughty child!

(20 Posts)
penny23 Mon 27-Jun-11 15:52:25

I have ds in year 2 who can be good, but can also be a pain and do stupid things. I keep getting phone calls from the school over incidents that happen that mean his name has gone in the behaviour book, and he is sent to the head of year. Whilst I don't like him hitting or pushing, quite often he will hit a child (only gently - they don't cry), but however much I tell him off for this, it still keeps happening and I get phone calls from the school informing me of what has happened.

Also he was talking when the teacher was talking therefore name again was in the book, and another phone call was made.

This is getting me down, as I don't know what to do to prevent this happening, I have just come off the phone in tears, I am beginning to take the phone calls personally as an attack on my parenting.

Does anyone else have a child that misbehaves who constantly get phone calls from the school?

IndigoBell Mon 27-Jun-11 16:10:14

Sounds like school aren't handling it very well.

You can't possibly control your child while they are at school - school has to.

I would be asking for a meeting with them to ask what they are going to do about it. Whatever they have been doing isn't working - so they need a new strategy.

When I got to this stage with school I moved school. In the new school DS has no 'behaviour issues' - because it turned out all the problems were due to the other school and not due to my DS sad

Is your child like this at home? What do you do then?

pretentiouswasteoftime Mon 27-Jun-11 16:13:53

Okay Penny, first things first. Are there any other issues with his behaviour?

I only ask as my son with high functioning autism and ADHD behaved like this simply because he diod not know or understand how to communicate his issues with another child. He can talk the hind leg off of the proverbial but when it comes to the give and take of a conversation or the communication of a difficulty he is hopeless and it ends in conflict.
Thankfully DS's school are well on top of this and at the end of Y3 it has virtually stopped. He did not get a diagnosis until age 7.

Secondly - even if there are no other issues then I'd be asking the school how they intend to support your son with this. You can only do so much and once he is in school then he is out of your hands and control so to speak. Do they ask him to talk incidents through to try and clarify what the issue is? It might be that he has hit out because another cchild pushed into him (tactile sensitivity/oversensitivity), it could be because they had a row over a pencil or the other child called him names. Unless the school are sitting down with your DS every time this happend then they cannot find a way of tackling it. My son has lots of visual stuff to help him identify how he is feeling and although he is on the autistic spectrum my feeling is that ALL young children benefit from visual cues and prompts.

Make an appointment to see the class teacher and see what she says - ask if there are other concerns. If so then ask to speak to the SPecial Educational Needs Co-Ordinator (SENCO), the school wi,ll have one and ask for help to address this. If it's causing the school enough upset to ring you every time then it is definitely interfering with his education. Ask them to address this.

Hope that helps a bit.

Other thing to say is that he is still young and will get the right idea eventually. It's not your parenting at fault - could be any number of things upsetting him. School need to address this and then discuss it with you.

bubblecoral Mon 27-Jun-11 16:47:42

I think the fact that the school is phoning you is a good thing, you should be kept informed, but I don't like the idea of a behaviour book.

Children should be allowed to start afresh each day, not have their name immortalised in a book. That's almost like giving him the expectation that his name is regularly in the book, and he will act badly if he thinks thats what's expected of him.

I would go into school and ask them what strategies they are going to use to help prevent this behaviour, and ask how you can help support that at home.

They need to spend a bit of tiem working ot what his triggers are, rather than just writing his name down and then phoning you each time.

penny23 Mon 27-Jun-11 16:51:53

Hi many thanks for replies. I have considered changing schools but places aren't available in schools local. His behaviour at home can sometimes be challenging but mainly when he doesn't get his own way or is told to do something he just doesn't want to do.

I have often thought he could be on the autistic spectrum, for various reasons, but as he's grown up I have just put his behaviour down to being naughty, thinking that if there was something underlying i.e. autism the school would certainly pick up on this but they never had. So I've put it down to just a naughty child every now and then!

I may put the ball the the school's court re autism, however I don't think that he is because he isn't bright as aren't many autistic children exceptionally bright? I sometimes think he has problems explaining things and feelings and why things have happened, he just doesn't know why or what lead him into trouble sometimes.

hockeyforjockeys Mon 27-Jun-11 16:53:02

bubblecoral we keep a record book for serious incidents such as violence. It is actually very helpful as recorded evidence if we need to get help from outside agencies/apply for statements/transfer pupils to another setting if all avenues have been exhausted, as it shows patterns of behaviour.

penny23 like others have said it is good the school is contacting you as it is keeping you informed as to what is happening. I would echo others that you need to have a meeting with the class teacher/senco to discuss what strategies are being put in place and how you can support him at home.

hockeyforjockeys Mon 27-Jun-11 17:03:29

penny23 there will be others better informed than me, but aspergers isn't automatically linke dto high intelligence. Some do, but often only in specific areas, but many fit on the whole ability range.

At the moment I am teaching a child who was as you described when he was in Year 2. The school was worried after various strategies failed, and eventually he was diagnosed with aspergers by a paeditrician (through his local health centre, although the school were iinvolved with giving information to aid diagnosis). He's now in Year 5 and seems to have largely stopped most of this behaviour (with the occasional slip). As a school we haven't had to do much different, a lot of it just seems to be down to him being able to cope better, and actually now very popular. Oh and he is academically average for his age!

pretentiouswasteoftime Mon 27-Jun-11 17:06:15

Penny - ask your GP for a referral to the local child development clinic - the school nurse may be able to do this if not. ASDs can be quite subtle at times but enough to cause difficulties. Have a chat with them about your concerns regarding any autism stuff.

My friend's son has not had a diagnosis in Y2 but sounds similar to your DS. care they use for DS.

IndigoBell Mon 27-Jun-11 17:09:21

Penny - my child did/does have Aspergers. School thought he was just naughty.

ASD kids can be bright, but don't have to be.

I think if you think he might be, and school find his behaviour challenging, it is worth getting investigated. Go to your GP, list your concerns, and ask for a referral to a paed......

coccyx Mon 27-Jun-11 17:12:00

Why is bad behaviour automatically linked to autism???
Think the school need to stop phoning and tell you how they are going to deal with his disruptive behaviour.
Whats he like at home. how do you deal with him

coccyx Mon 27-Jun-11 17:12:59

I have a nephew with Aspergers so not completely ignorant

SoupDragon Mon 27-Jun-11 17:13:33

I would be fuming if the school phoned me about stuff like my child talking in class. They should deal with stuff like that.

IndigoBell Mon 27-Jun-11 17:17:37

Cocyx - bad behaviour isn't automatically being linked to autism. The OP said I have often thought he could be on the autistic spectrum, for various reasons, and me and others have related our personal anecdotes when what at first looked like bad behaviour turned out to be Autism.

Nobody is saying all bad behaviour is caused by ASD, or all ASD kids have bad behaviour.

But certainly, in this case, it seems worth investigating.....

Danthe4th Mon 27-Jun-11 17:19:10

I hate behaviour books when a child's name is written down as it labels the child as being naughty, I wish the schools would focus on the fact that it is the behaviour that is unwanted and not the child.
I would also question why they are phoning you every time as it is down to the school to sort out the behaviour in school.
I would ask for a meeting and see whether a trigger for his behaviour can be spotted, what are they doing to resolve the situation as it sounds like they are just passing the buck to you, you are not responsible for his behaviour in school but they should be asking for your support and likewise.
If the school need help and are finding his behaviour challenging then they should be contacting the outreach service or the teaching advisory service as that is what they are there for to help the teachers teach the child to the best of his ability.
Go in to school and ask what they are going to do.

penny23 Mon 27-Jun-11 18:38:21

Thanks everyone! I am going In to see teacher tomorrow as ds thinks he got told off for rolling a pencil along the floor. when I asked him if the teacher warned him not to talk he said she didn't and he thinks another boy told on him for rolling the pencil! Something not quite right! Will keep you informed!

purplepidjin Mon 27-Jun-11 18:48:11

Start here and have a read.

Autism covers a huge spectrum of behaviour, with Asperger Syndrome generally being the "label" for those who are of average or above average intelligence and who have good verbal communication skills.

You should also find out about Statutory Assessment - I suggest you repost in Special Needs: Children on here to get proper information about that.

If your instincts are telling you something's not quite right, there's no harm in investigating smile

bubblecoral Mon 27-Jun-11 18:49:41

Hockey, fair enough if you want to keep a record, it sounds like there are times when it would be very useful, but I don't see why a parent should have to be told 'we've put his name in the behaviour book again', and I certainly don't think that it's something that a child should be aware of.

Penny if you think your ds needs to be assesed for ASD, then make it happen asap, don't rely on the school to do it. My ds has aspergers, and it was glaringly obvious for ages looking back, but the school didn't want to say anything to me because sometimes parents get offended at the suggestion their child might have special needs. When I finally went in and asked them to do something, they got the ball rolling straight away. Also, not all children with ASD are particularly bright, I think the symptoms very greatly even if there are some common traits.

hockeyforjockeys Mon 27-Jun-11 18:56:48

bubblecoral until you get a post on here along the lines of 'all my child's bad behaviour has been officially recorded in a book kept by the head and I haven't been told about it'. Rock and hard place spring to mind. But yes there are ways and means of communcating this fact appropriately. For older children we do tell them if it has been recorded so that they understand the seriousness of their actions.

bubblecoral Mon 27-Jun-11 20:12:09

We agree then. There are ways of communicating this appropriately. I know teachers are in a difficult position, and there is no way they can be expected to handle things perfectly for every family, simply because what will offend one parent will be perfect practice for another.

I'm not saying that things shouldn't be recorded, I just don't like the use of the term 'behaviour book', and I don't think that a behaviour book is something that a child in year 2, the infants, needs to know about for the the reasons I gave before. I can be a bit pedantic about the terms given to things though! My child would have been on the 'vulnerable children's register' had he gone to our local secondary school in September, and I really don't like that term either! blush

But I have resisted (so far) complaining about the title of this thread! smile

sarahfreck Tue 28-Jun-11 14:14:31

"I may put the ball the the school's court re autism, however I don't think that he is because he isn't bright as aren't many autistic children exceptionally bright? I sometimes think he has problems explaining things and feelings and why things have happened, he just doesn't know why or what lead him into trouble sometimes."

Children on the autistic spectrum range from exceptionally bright to below average. Please don't rely on the school to pick it up because they may not be aware enough of autistic type behaviours.

Please go and ask your GP for an assessment if you are at all concerned he might be on the autistic spectrum.

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