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I need perspective, please somebody help, Thinking of withdrawing my son

(24 Posts)
wonka Thu 23-Jun-11 09:46:56

My oldest DS is 8 we have had lots of concerns with shool so far, he was bullied in year 1 by year 2 boys in his class. Then in Y2 he was in a class just of his own peers but has 3 changes of teacher. Now he's in Juniors, when they moved up he was split from all his friends, we haven't had a friend over to tea/play this year he just isn't friendly enough to want it. They have moved the classes around every year so I didn't even think to question it.
Since easter his has become more and more dispondant and actually hates school, he refuses to do homework or doesn't even bother to bring it home, he won't change his reading folder. He comes home full of rage and is so nasty to his little brothers. It takes a couple of hours to get back my sunny easy going helpful little boy. Ask him to anything to help around the house and he's the first to get up. Anything to do with school he closes down.
Yesterday he'd just come out of the bath and I noticed a big bald spot (about a 50p size) on the top of his head. An older boy had done it in the yard because my son had kicked the older boys football.
We have been into school numerous times, one time being given information on the wrong child. ie. not ours. I feel as though I'm being palmed off and I am worried.
My son offers very little information about whats going on, The hair pulling has me at the end of my tether, should I just pull him out and teach him myself? My other boys enjoy school and are doing really well what message would that send to them?

IndigoBell Thu 23-Jun-11 10:05:12

Def pull him out!

What have you got to loose? If he's pulling his own hair out it's very serious.

Even if you pull him out it doesn't mean you have to HE him forever. If after a year or two it's not working for you, you can always put him back in school....

swash Thu 23-Jun-11 11:14:30

I would find him another school. This one sounds terrible. I don't think you should worry about what message it sends to your other boys. If a problem arises, deal with it then. But for now, your absolute priority is to look after your unhappy son - and if that means teaching him at home for a bit, then fine.

Isitreally Thu 23-Jun-11 11:17:24

The older boy wrenched his hair out? That is awful
It may be that you have to keep on and on and on at the school if you want this to improve and don't be fobbed off - go to the Head then the Governors and then the LEA and keep records of every conversation and incident (take a photo of his head).
Write everythign down and make it formal with the school. Ask for responses each and every time. With any luck they will start to act once they realise how seriously your son is affected but don;t leave him like this for too long.

Would moving schools be an option if it can't be sorted out?

MrsTruper Thu 23-Jun-11 11:17:55

oh dear - poor boy...poor you. I really feel for you.

Maybe you could find an alternative school for him?...if he went back to same school after an absence, I don't think this would be helpful.

I changed my daughter's primary school and it was nice to have a 'clean slate' at her new school. I also considered HE, so I know how desperate you must be.

I would make sure that you have def taken things as as far as you feel you want to at current school tho, with head & governors. If u r banging your head against a brick wall I would take him out full stop ie not go back.

wonka Thu 23-Jun-11 11:26:19

Thanks everyone, you have helped me to consolidate my thoughts part of me was worried I was being a bit reactive and hysterical. I am going to book some appointments to look around other schools. I feel like I'm forcing out of the car every morning to be tortured.

MissingMySleep Thu 23-Jun-11 11:32:32

move schools if you can, sometimes trying to fix the problems is just patching up, and a clean slate will be easier, and help him have a whole new mood

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 23-Jun-11 11:41:31

Glad you are booking some appointments wonka, the school sounds truely terrible and the bald patch is really serious.

Your poor DS, hope you find a place elsewhere and hope he is happier there.

Would HE be a possibility until he starts again in September?

probablyveryunreasonable Thu 23-Jun-11 12:03:29

Move him. We have just moved our boys as they were miserable and we worried we were over reacting. However, seeing how different the new school is, I think we may have been under reacting.

School should not be like this and you do not have to put up with it. He's only 8 and should be enjoying himself.

Go and look at other schools and see how comfortable you feel there, how welcoming it is etc.

OUr boys have only been at their school for 2 weeks and I feel like I have my children back, rather than the grumpy, miserable, aggressive children they had become at home.

wonka Thu 23-Jun-11 12:15:29

I'm afraid when we looked at schools we looked at results and ofsted, the thing is the school performs really well, wish we'd known then what we do now. I can't believe I've put him through all this. I'm going to see what the schools response to the latest incident is if we're not happy I will pull him out right away. Either way he is not going back in September.
He cried himself to sleep last night saying he was an As* H8le and stupid and not good at anything, he is so bright and a talented little artist. I had to sit with him for an hour listing all the things he is good at. It wasn't even a sramatic give me some attention it was a dismissive I'm not worth the bother cry. sad

wonka Thu 23-Jun-11 12:16:54

sramatic... dramatic

Dolcegusto Thu 23-Jun-11 12:35:17

Your poor ds. I'd pull him out, make appt with the head and don't send him in till it's sorted to your satisfaction. If they're not willing to work with you then fond another school.

You wouldn't accept this kind of treatment at work so why should your son have to go through it.

Isitreally Thu 23-Jun-11 13:00:41

Bloody Hell Wonka - that is heartbreaking. Poor little boy. I agree with everyone else. If it's at that stage - move him. No child should be made to sffer like that sad

OneHelluvaBroad Thu 23-Jun-11 13:05:47

Your poor boy. I would definitely start making some phone calls and see if you can find him another school place. A fresh start could be what he needs, so please don't think you are being hysterical or knee-jerk about this.

I took my DS out of school at the end of his reception year because the school dealt so poorly with many issues that he had (he has SN, so slightly different, but very much the same disinterested attitude from the school). He has settled very well in his new school and for the first time, he has friends.

Good luck and do consider all your options. Your boy sounds so sweet. it must be awful for him feeling this way sad

Hullygully Thu 23-Jun-11 13:07:17

I'd keep him out from now and find somewhere else. pore ol him and pore ol you

sarahfreck Thu 23-Jun-11 14:02:11

See if you can find somewhere else for him. I'd also consider, if you can find a place for him , maybe starting properly in September (if the new school will work with this) and home educating him for the few weeks left of this school year (or flexi schooling with his new school). This will give him time to de-stress and you can do some focussed work round areas he is interested in (horrible history project maybe) and any areas where you think he needs extra practice and support. It can be easier to make new friendships at the start of the school year than break into established friendships. You could still arrange some visits in to new school so he starts to get to know children and has a picture in his mind of what it is like.

munstersmum Thu 23-Jun-11 14:23:27

You have my sympathy. Adding my voice to those who say get your DS out of there. We had similar & let it run on for too long believing things would improve. And if it makes sense kind of not believing 6yr olds could be like that. DS lost eyelashes to being scratched by someone's nails. shock

We moved DS at a half-term (which is possible if new head agrees) and he has never looked back. Different school whole different ethos. Both 'outstanding' state primaries & within couple of miles of each other.

Consider going to the GP and getting him a sick note for a couple of weeks. He's not learning anything worthwhile in school so missing a couple of weeks in Y3 isn't going to make any difference to his education.

An older boy pulling his hair out isn't minor bullying or high spirits or your DS being over sensitive etc, its an assault and the school should be taking it very seriously indeed. If you don't already have it, ask for a copy of their anti-bullying policy.

I feel so sad for your DS sad. I think the sooner you get him out of there the better.

wonka Thu 23-Jun-11 16:44:22

So I've got appointments at two local schools on Monday. One I really like the sound of, its only a couple of years open and I don't know anybody who goes there so not sure how good it is.
I spoke to his teacher today who said there is no record of it in the school accident book. She hadn't had a chance to catch up with the teacher he reported the hair pulling to. I've had no reply from my email to the Head of the photo, the teacher was quite shocked when I brushed over his hair to show her the bald spot, she obviously hadn't even asked him to show her. I suppose the head is waiting on the teachers getting back to him.

swash Thu 23-Jun-11 19:15:04

wonka why don't you take a photograph of it in case you want evidence at any point.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 23-Jun-11 20:44:02

Wonka you could try asking on Netmums shock noticeboard to see if anybody goes to that school, our local Netmums board is pretty lively with that sort of thing.

When DS was having problems with bullying we handed a letter into the school, which we cc'd to the Governors and the LEA (how to make yourself popular) and outlined what had happened and how they were going to address it and stated that we wanted a written response within seven days. The HT nearly shat herself and DS has been fine every since. Really think that you should move your DS, HE would give him time to relax as others have suggested but don't know if thats an option for you. I would also inform the governors, make sure they have the photos too and the LEA and report it to Ofsted.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops Thu 23-Jun-11 20:52:22

What many others have said.

GPs - get signed off for a while
Complaints to head
New School for September

Hope he's OK soon sad

sugartongue Thu 23-Jun-11 21:58:13

If you can, take him out tomorrow - just don't send him back there again. It was with great trepidation and anxiety that i pulled DS out of his school, but i finally did it as a snap judgment when it was clear the HT didn't give a sh*t and he was gone within 3 days. Didn't tell the school til the day he left, just whipped him out. It was terrifying at the time, but within a week of his new school I had my old boy back! best thing i ever did...good luck to you both, really feeling for you.

MumblingRagDoll Thu 23-Jun-11 22:51:30

Oh Wonka...so sad that he's hadto go through this and for you! I think the best thing is already happening...you can tell him he's not going back there..he's young enough to recover the little thing. All the luck in the world.

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