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Change in DDs behaviour since starting school-what should I do?

(8 Posts)
mvpsmum Tue 21-Jun-11 21:02:17

I've been told its normal and will get better but really its not. Yet another letter/photos sent home today about her disruptive/destructive behaviour. Teachers have asked that I work on it at home with her which I have and at home she is usually well behaved ( for a 5 year old!) except immediatley after a "bad day' at school. At weekends/holidays she goes back to the way she was before september, only for things to go downhill again when term starts.

I don't know what else to try, I am worried this is affecting her learning at school and that she is being labelled a 'problem child' sad

SarkySpanner Tue 21-Jun-11 21:51:10

Have the school given you any idea what triggers her 'bad' behaviour?

mvpsmum Tue 21-Jun-11 23:00:39

No, not really and I can't see any particular trigger either.
Today she scribbled over a table and board- admitted she had done it and was sent out as punishment. This lead to 10 minute screaming fit and losing playtime. AFAIK it happened not long after the start of lesson- she had gone into school happy with a beautiful carefully drawn picturre that she had drawn herself that morning, complete opposite of the babyish scribbling on the photo sent home.
Just don't know what is causing this total 'flip' in behaviour or how to put an end to it!

Elibean Tue 21-Jun-11 23:02:26

Sounds really upsetting for you, mvpsmum sad

It sounds to me as though your dd is doing all she can to say she isn't happy at/with school...what does she say about it? Does she have friends, enjoy her days?

osd Tue 21-Jun-11 23:12:09

Had an amazing friend with similar problem. It boiled down to her daughter missed her mum and wasn't emotionally ready for school, but every other way she was fine, just sensitive and insecure. Behaviour at school got attention although negative was still making her feel special and needed and caused a cycle of immature behaviour that wasn't present at home. She wanted adult attention over peer attention and found fitting in scary. She is only 5, it was an uphill struggle as she couldn't move her schools but she did take her out and private home schooled her until 8 and then but her in middle school, 3 tier system where friend lives. Before school she went to summer camps and in middle school was fine no problems all resolved.

Hope it is of some help, as it tore my friend apart trying to do the right thing. Goodluck

sims2fan Tue 21-Jun-11 23:29:11

Is she getting enough sleep? Being over tired can cause behavioural problems. If you're having to wake her in the mornings rather than her naturally waking in plenty of time for school then she's probably not getting enough sleep.

Does she have friends? If she is upset because she never has anyone to play with at school then she could be taking her feelings out on the table etc.

Do you know what led up to the scribbling? Was she asked to do something she didn't want to or didn't know how to? When I taught a Year 1 class I had a boy who had some odd behaviour when faced with a situation that worried him. He once had a total meltdown including tearing up paper, kicking children, crawling under the table etc and had to be removed from the classroom kicking and screaming, all because during a pleasant start of the afternoon chat with the children I mentioned that we were going to have PE later. Eventually I found out that he'd taken his PE kit home and hadn't brought it back, so was worried he was going to be in trouble and wouldn't be able to join in, etc. Perhaps your daughter acts out if faced with a situation she is unsure about?

mvpsmum Tue 21-Jun-11 23:41:07

I'm not sure its because she misses me as she was at nursery full days since age 2 1/2 and before that with friends family while I was at work part time but I sure there is something about the school environment that she is unhappy about anyway.
She does have friends and enjoys school on 'good days' and is always happy going into school. When I talk to her about what has happened she often gives random reasons like 'my finger hurt' - pushing the subject further sometimes causes more angry/emotional outbursts which can take an hour or so to calm down from.
If her behaviour is down to wanting more adult attentionat school (this is probably not possible in a class of 30) what can I do about it?

mvpsmum Tue 21-Jun-11 23:51:10

sims2fan I'm not sure of what happened just before, I only got a note as the other mum I share school run with picked up today but I will ask tomorrow morning. In the past however the teachers seem to be as unsure about triggers as DD, only really get told the 'bad thing' and the punishment.

As far as sleep goes DD is usually in bed and asleep 7-7.30pm and wakes around 6am, she doesn't wake in the night but does sleep talk and snore alot (this has been since birth- I never had to check she was still breathing!) which I think is ok for her age. Being tired is sometimes a reason she gives though but I don't think she actually is IYSWIM

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