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was i horribly pushy? Genuinely want to know

(8 Posts)
preschoolly Tue 21-Jun-11 16:37:41

Ok - this is dull, but I'm trying to work out whether the teachers are even now exclaiming about that horrid pushy mother who is just adding to the difficulties in their lives.
dd is in preschool. She's summerborn and starts reception in Jan at the same school. It's a good school, Inner City, big classes.
They do some phonics work and when she joined they gave me a reading record, said they would try to read with dd every week and write it in, and could I do the same. So I did, for a bit, but then they never wrote anything and since we read four or five books a day I never ended up writing them in because it would just fill up the record. I assumed they thought she wasn't ready for reading and therefore didn't worry that they clearly weren't reading with her.
But recently something has really clicked with dd and phonics. She loves a little computer game with letters that we let her play and she's started wanting to read books to me. I got a set of Songbird phonics from the Book People because they come round to our office and they were £15 for the whole set and we've done all the purple ones.
I know the school does similar books with the kids that they think are 'ready'.
So, with all of that back story, was it ok for me to say to the teaching assistant this am - how long is it since someone has read with DD? She said...er...has anyone written anything in? I said, not for a term and a half and she said that some of the students don't write in if they've read with the children.
So I said that dd had been reading lots of words - only simple ones, with me. The TA said quite rudely - "does she know all of the frequent use words for Reception?". The answer to that is no, of course she doesn't (she's not yet four), but that wasn't the point I was making. I just wondered if anyone had bothered checking whether she can read or not. I said could I at least borrow some phonics books because I don't want to move her up a level yet and we only have six and now she knows them off by heart so doesn't decode.
Anyhow, was it rude of me to ask? Cos she made me feel like I had just added to the tremendous burden of her life. I think because she's one of the youngest in the year - and quite short as well - they tend to assume she can't do things without checking whether she can or not.

swanker Tue 21-Jun-11 16:44:42

It sounds like she was being defensive because the book hadn't been checked for 6mo!

piprabbit Tue 21-Jun-11 16:45:32

I don't think you sound U at all.
Perhaps you caught the teaching assistant on the hop and she was being a bit defensive (if the preschool have been 'caught' out either not keeping records or not reading at all with your DD).
I hope they are able to give you and your DD a little more support from now on.

piprabbit Tue 21-Jun-11 16:45:54

Oops x-post.

imadgeine Tue 21-Jun-11 16:47:33

Of course it was not rude of you to ask. You have every right to. Suggest you ask the teacher in future though. TAs can be brilliant, or not. (pet theory of mine - some people opt to work with kids because they are not comfortable communicating with adults...)
Suggest you make an appointment to see the teacher and ask how you can work together to help your daughter. Sounds like she is doing really well for under 4. I'd be inclined to fill in at least some of what you do at home, so that they can see the good work you are putting in.

preschoolly Tue 21-Jun-11 16:59:17

thanks. I'll stop feeling guilty and speak to the teacher next time! I just don't want to get a reputation quite this early in my time at the school. I wondered if I was going mad noticing that my dd could read - so I checked with all the words that the school has outside on the walls (cat, mum, dad, dog, pig etc etc). She read them all...so I guess I'm not totally imagining it. I spent a lot of my childhood pretending I was stupider than I was so that I didn't annoy my teachers and really don't want this to become a problem for my dd as well - I guess my attitude to teachers hasn't changed even though I'm now a grown up with a responsible job of my own!

SenoritaViva Tue 21-Jun-11 17:01:36

Funny this situation could have gone either way, very pushy or just simply enquiring on behalf of your child. You sound like you dealt with this in the latter; you've waited for your DD to indicate that she is ready and didn't blame the school for anything.

Agree the TA was on the defensive about no one writing in her book. As it is one on one reading at this age then of course it is forgivable that they don't read all the time. I'd be a bit pissed at them writing nothing for 6 months, if someone reads with the child then the book should be written in. I recommend you at least write comments about books that come from school (agree far too much to keep up with all books read at home).

preschoolly Tue 21-Jun-11 17:06:52

thanks. It would help if DD didn't choose such TERRIBLE books from school. If I have to read Maisy's Rainbow Day or the Encyclopaedia of Communication (just because they are the largest books in the selection and therefore the most exciting) one more time I may combust. Maybe I should pick different books sneakily after she's gone to sit on the carpet?

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