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Dd due to start school in September but is a "bit of a loner amongst her peers" . Has anyone else got dc described as a loner ...

(16 Posts)
mynameisplonker Thu 26-May-11 23:22:31

...and how did they cope with Reception?

Dd has been at playgroup since last September. She's happy there and enjoys going, of a fashion. I say of a fashion, because if she was given the choice, she would choose to stay home, without doubt.

Playgroup have descibed her as a "bit of a loner" sad

I'm not sure why I'm upset by this because they say that she's perfectly happy with the situation. She isn't upset at being on her own, in fact it's her choice. When others approach her to play, she'll take herself off to do something else. She will play occasionally with others, but not often and always on her terms.

There have been a couple of occasions where she's told me that she's made a new friend - it always turns out to be the teenager who has come on work-experience, or the child of one of the staff. She never speaks about children the same age as her.

I take her once a week to a mums and tots group and once a week to ballet. I have to admit that she's the same there. She prefers my company in the mums and tots group although is more than happy to go off on her own. She doesn't actually play with anyone.

In ballet, her teacher says she's the best behaved child in the class and that whilst others are chatting and not paying attention, she pays complete attention and gets on with her dancing beautifully. I am proud of her of course, but can't help to worry whether this is part of the same 'problem' as it were and that the reason she doesn't chat like the others is because she simply doesn't want to interact with them.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of an essay.
My question is, have any of you got a child like my dd, and how did they cope at school?
I keep thinking that it's her age and she'll grow out of it, but school is fast approaching and I'm starting to worry a little.

mynameisplonker Thu 26-May-11 23:25:30

Just to add that dd is the youngest of 3 and plays and interacts beautifully with her sisters (and cousins etc) ...just not her peers.

madhattershouse Thu 26-May-11 23:26:49

My twins were like that, so is my youngest and she starts in Sept! The twins were very quiet and held back from joinin in with discussions at first but now (year 1) the have progressed very well and have made a few nice friends. I am now worrying about my youngest..she seems to be the worst for shyness of my 4. It has taken 2 years for her to talk in playgroup, she was almost referred as playgroup leader though she was mute!! I'm sure they will blossom at school, even if it takes a little time.

carolemiddleclasston Thu 26-May-11 23:29:35

Mine was like this and I cannot believe how much he has changed. I would never have guessed he'd turn into such a sociable boy. Sometimes he still plays alone but by choice but he's also very often to be seen hurtling round the playground with the rest of the kids and is very close friends with two boys plus reasonably friendly with others.

He does still love chatting to grown-ups though grin and that's fine. He just likes a nice natter with someone who will indulge him in a way that other kids often won't as they're off to play with the next thing.

blackeyedsusan Thu 26-May-11 23:59:45

got one like that too... takes after her mum really..

mynameisplonker Fri 27-May-11 00:08:22

Thanks for your replies

Dd can be shy, but on the whole is rather more aloof than shy ...

It was the playgroup stating that she's a "loner" that upset me, even though I know it really. She is also one of the younger ones so I'm sure that doesn't help.

It's good to hear that others are coping well, thanks smile

madhattershouse Fri 27-May-11 00:27:03

My twin dd left playgroup with a mention that they felt tht she would not have many friends but just a couple of really good ones as she tended to hang back and play alongside rather than with. She is a little "choosy" and also can be "aloof" but she's fine and happy at school. I did find it odd when the playgroup mentioned this but it seems that the worry that gave me was unfounded, bet your will be too.

SocialButterfly Fri 27-May-11 08:11:45

Sounds like my DD. At nursery she didnt want to stay and didnt really play with anyone although she was vey well behaved.

She started school and didnt really have any close friends. There was a system in reception that they had windows in the parents room that looked down in to the reception classroom. One day I decided to watch her and she literally wandered around the classroom following the teacher, she didnt interact with her peers at all. I was so upset but she didnt seem that bothered.

She is now in Yr2 and has a very strong character, she wont join in a game if she doesnt want to play, she would rather go and do something on her own. She isnt scared to stand up for others who are being picked on and knows whats right and wrong. She definatley doesnt follow the crowd - I think this is a good thing although I know it will probably make her stand out when she is older.

Dont worry about your DD I think it indicates she knows what she wants and is happy with her own company - she will be a shepard not a sheep grin

mynameisplonker Fri 27-May-11 09:47:42

Thank you madhatter and social smile

It's very reasurring to hear of others similar to dd. Your children sound fabulous btw!

carolemiddleclasston Fri 27-May-11 09:56:54

yy at the aloof thing - he is still like that with some kids he doesn't like so much in his class. Doesn't seem to matter. I think all too often SOME nursery staff and teachers these days want all children to be super sociable so they can tick some national curriculum/ EYFS box and they should be more accepting of different personality types.

mynameisplonker Fri 27-May-11 10:04:27

Actually I agree with you there carole!

coccyx Fri 27-May-11 11:05:00

Thats my daughter. not a great mixer, would rather be by herself if necessary. And not bothered either which makes a difference. Lots of her classmates have playdates, but when i suggested someone she said 'no, don't like her".

MumblingRagDoll Fri 27-May-11 11:11:44

She is SO young yet....my sister younger DD was the same and it has taken her until year 3 to forge friendships...she was fine alone....she just didn't need anyone else till now and has had no torubles making friends.

UniS Fri 27-May-11 20:10:46

My Ds is in reception class . I'd not exactly call him a loner BUT he doesn't follow the crowd, he does stuff HE likes to do rather than stuff the other boys in his class like to do IYSWIM. SO, we go to the park after school, 4 or 5 other reception and Year one boys running about the playground, DS goes off to play football with the Y3+ boys.

At preschool he was quite happy to play with a train set for an hour on his own and ignore all other children. I believe that at school he choose not to watch Oconauts ( it was a class treat) the other week as he doesn't like it, so he looked at a book with his back to the screen. At lunch time he might play with one or two others or he might be in a world of his own. School cope with this just fine.

easycomeeasygo Fri 27-May-11 22:07:35

My DS is not a great mixer either, he starts reception in september and im dreading it, he will start a different school (because he didnt get into the one attached to the nursery) and wont know a soul, he's been in nursery since he was 3 (he will be 5 in september) he plays better by himself though this has improved over the last 9 months, hes better behaved, interacts with his peers more, i'm just worried this new school will be a set back for him as he hates change big time!!! and its took him ages to get to where he his now. Sorry i've got no real advice to give but I know how your feeling. x

mynameisplonker Fri 27-May-11 23:08:52

Dd is going to a school which is completely different from playgroup too. I think there's one other child (a little boy) going with her.

In a strange way, I'm half thinking this is a a good thing. I think it gives her a chance to start from scratch iyswim.

Thank you for all your replies, it really is so good to hear of other dc like my dd. And brilliant to hear that they're coping well with school. I've been sooo dreading September coming around ...

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