DD 6 displaying bad attitude and behaviour at school

[hillyhilly]

Today, DD's teacher asked for a word after school and told me that DD who is 6's behaviour has been appalling (not her words). It covers the whole spectrum, not sitting on the carpet, not listening, disrupting others, answering back and cheeky attitude to staff, verbally and physically nasty to her friends and not changing or amending any of this behaviour when spoken to by staff.
It doesn't come as a complete surprise because she is exhibiting a lot of this behaviour at home too but on previous occasions when her behaviour has been poor at home its been fine at school.
We've had a long chat and a few tears at home, we've talked about and listed what good looks like, and have done a behaviour chart, with a promise of an unspecified reward at the end if it's all ticks.
I plan on doing some role play with the dolls house tomorrow to reinforce but am on here to vent, to look for any more ideas and also hopefully to be told that she'll grow out of it quickly!
Its seems that she's got too big for her boots, to a much lesser extent this happened late in her reception year (she's now Y1) and her teacher then said it was not uncommon towards the end of a school year that they get a bit restless but surely its too early for that. She is G&T listed as her reading is exceptional but I do not want to brandish that as an excuse as the school are good at recognising this, she is in a mixed Y1 & Y2 class and works often with Y2s. She is also VERY close friends with a little girl who also behaves this way - I cannot come up with a way to separate them as it is such a small school although this child does not often work in the same groups as my DD.
ooof, this parenting thing can be hard!

[speakercorner]

Do you think that she is getting bored? Is she getting enough extension activities?

Also is she very physical? Could be that she needs more running around in order to settle.

I am not too sure what you as a parent can do to resolve this anyway. It is a discipline issue for the school surely.

[southofthethames]

My sympathies, OP. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Have you tried the "withdrawing toys/favourite tv/favourite treat" method? Works for some and for us - "If you don't stop speaking rudely to me and if you don't apologise, I will take away Winnie the Pooh and you will not play with him anymore". Some are more stubborn and the locked cupboard gets quite full .... but they then eventually respond. The main thing is not to let them get the toys back at all until they apologise and stop the tantrum/hitting/shouting or whatever naughty behaviour they're exhibiting. But we have a rule in our house that we do not withdraw birthday presents/birthday party/visits from friends, because we don't "punish" other individuals as part of the child's discipline and we believe that they are entitled to their birthday cake and present regardless of whether they have "earned" it or not.

[southofthethames]

(the other thing is, is she getting tired or hungry when this happens - is near lunchtime or end of the school day?) Mine does it more when hungry.

[sarahfreck]

Hillyhilly, It sounds as if you are doing loads already! Can you include something about not copying othergirl's behaviour and how being friends with someone doesn't mean you have to do exactly what they do. I think the reward chart is a great idea too.

Speakercorner: Yes it is a school discipline issue, but schools really need the same attitudes to behaviour to be reinforced at home. If parents and school are working together it is usually a lot easier than if they aren't.