Not sure what to do re: girl in class

[mykiddies]

My dd became friends with a girl who started in yr6. When the girl started she raised issue about bullying with other girls in class who really were not that kind to her. My dd was the only one who made of her and became her chum when no-one else seemed interested hence the bullying accusation. Fast forward to present day and about a month ago on a school trip these other girls started to show an interest in her and she told my dd that she was sorry but she wanted to see what the friendships with the other girls would be like. I was thinking that when the other girls became tired of her she would then come back to my dd (which I would not be happy about) and use her as she had no-one else. The mother then approached my husband asking had the girls had some fall out that it seemed that my dd didn't want hers to have any friends!! I made a call to her to put her in the picture namely because her other daughter was picking on mine in the playground (as she saw she wasn't playing with her sister??) asking what she was talking about, standing staring at her etc...I told her this and I said my dd certainly did not mind her having other friends but I did not want her being used. An incident happened when out of school a few weeks back where they asked my dd to play a rap the door and run away game and she said she didn't want to and this is when they both turned on her, saying she didn't have any friends, there was a good and bad side to her. When my dd walked away to come home they called her names said she was scared etc. She came in v upset nearly in tears. She said she had told her mum had said she should be able to choose her friends and that if I rang her again she didn't care. I then said fine let her go off and be friends with whoever she wants don't worry about it anymore. Since this incident this girl has told everyone in class that my dd did a one finger sign to her that night, had shouted at her etc and has basically been telling lie after lie about her. The other girls are coming and asking her is it true and she says she is is annoyed about it. The sister is continuing to look her up in the playground and stand and stare at her, coming up to her and pestering her.

Today I walked up to meet my dd from school and as we were walking home they had been behind us. We stopped on the corner to talk to one of dd's friends and as they came down they stopped stared up and did a rude sign. I shouted back oh that's nice. When I got home though and behold the mother pulls up in the car and accuses me of waiting for her daughter's on the corner as they came out of school and how naive! was I to think my dd would never do the finger and to calm down when I got annoyed and asking me what problem my daughter has. I'm afraid I told her to take herself off.

The principal of the school actually told us at a meeting unrelated that these girls have issues. The younger girl actually hit another pupil because she was talking too much and is a trouble maker. My dd sits beside this girl in class and tbh I don't want her sitting beside her after this. Would you write a note to the teacher asking can she be moved to another table? She has been making faces behind her back, moving her chair away, disagreeing with anything my dd says in class, telling lies. I have heard lots of things about the mother that they have told my dd, that she hits them, grounds them for the least thing and they are having lots of family issues regarding their father who their mother said is mentally abusing them. I think the mother needs to get her priorities right and start looking after her family instead of running out to church meetings all the time (sorry!).

I don't actually know what this girl is trying to do, on the one hand she doesn't want to be friends with my dd and then when she sees her playing with other girls she (or her sister) don't like that either. What is going on?

[mollie1968]

aarrgghhh girls. We have had something very similar, we decided to build dd confidence and for her to see that people are normally horrible due to issues that they may have with self or at home. I always used to want to fight dd battles for her but feel that since she is more confident in self she is able to not be too bothered by others. Don't fall out with other parents was a bit of advice my mum gave me always be nice...think what you like at the time...keep smiling. The other girls will realise that the ex friend is not really very nice in the end. as for difficulities in the class I would let school know go in rather than a letter, our school have dealt with things in sensitive way so not obvious.. hope things get sorted soon.

[venetianred]

Vicious!!! With just a reception child, I am completely out of my depth on this, but wanted to respond. I do remember from my school that the ones who told nasty lies, usually 'fell' from grace at some stage....but that's not much help right now.

[mykiddies]

I am waiting to see how today goes for her after yesterday's incident. Hopefully their mother will have told them to keep away from my daughter. If anything happens today I am going to ring tomorrow and ask to see the teacher/principal. I think. I agree with trying to let her fight her own battles but one thing I cannot stand is lies being spread so it needs stopped.