Mum's Playground Etiquette

[busyhouseof8]

I am asking this question out of ignorance beacuse it's a situation I have never come across before.

My dd and ds go to a small rural Essex CofE primary school - 150 children in total. All the mum's have a good relationship and we have a chinwag whilst waiting for the children to go in and come out each day.

Two new children have just started, one of whom is in ds's class. Normaly I would make every effort to find the mum and talk with her.

However, the mother is muslim, and wears head to toe black robes, including a yashmak that totally covers her face, so you can only see her eyes.

Here's where the ignorance comes in. I want to be friendly, but I don't want to cause offence. Is it acceptable for me to approach this mum and talk to her. So far she has picked up the children and left without talking to anyone. Any views about whether this might be simply because she is shy, or because she really wants or needs to keep separate?

[DuplicitousBitch]

talk to her, it will become apparent if she wants to be friendly.

[SE13Mummy]

Do what you would were she any other new mum; introduce yourself, say to her you're on hand if she needs to know anything about the school and give her your number/e-mail address. If she wants/needs to keep apart from everyone else I'm sure she'll explain but I imagine she's feeling rather apprehensive about having turned up at a rural CE school where her dress sets her apart so clearly.

[squareheadcut]

yes definitely talk to her x

[goingmadinthecountry]

I agree with the others. She may be shy - a friend of dd1's (now 17!!) mum is still a bit shy but does appreciate being included.

[DreamTeamGirl]

I would just strat how you always do, by smiling and making eye contact, and if she smiles back- and you CAN see from her eyes if she does or not then go from there

Muslims arent required to avoid non muslims for chat

[JoJoMummy321]

I agree with the others. I would talk and see how it goes. Imagine being new and being dressed differently from everyone else...it would be quite daunting. Perhaps this Mum would really appreciate a chat and to feel included.

To be honest, if she would rather keep herself to herself, then I am sure she will be polite and at least you'll know you tried!

[MerryMarigold]

I'd definitely initiate a chat. Though it's interesting such a strict Muslim is at a CofE school!

[busyhouseof8]

Thanks for all your help. I'll try to talk with her next time she's in the playground, though the last few days she's just dropped the children straight from the car in the morning and waited for them to come to the car in the afternoon.

I am also intrigued as to why a strict Muslim would choose to send their children to a CofE school with very active Christian religious worship and teaching every day! The surrounding villages all have really good secular primary schools, but I guess maybe there weren't any places available.

[peanutbutterkid]

Same reason some atheists suddenly feign religion to get their kids into Faith schools.

I freaked my strict Muslim neighbour out by saying hello to her one day in the park; on our road she'd briefly go out with full face visible but in town she always had all her face except eyes covered up. I think she thought I wouldn't recognise her in the park!?

[supersewer]

aaaagh talk to her, she's muslim not an alien!!!!

[onimolap]

Busyhouseof8: I can't answer for all Muslim families, but one I knew explained it in terms of faith education being extremely important, and the religions of the book were acceptable when no Muslim alternative existed.

In terms of this mummy in the playground, I would smile and say hello, and take it from there. If your DCs are the same age as hers, invite them round and use the invitation as an opportunity to chat. If she comes round to pick up, and no adult males are around, you might get to find out what she looks like.