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Not sure it's the right school

(6 Posts)
applecakesarenice Sun 09-Jan-11 14:21:46

My 2 eldest are both at an excellent state primary. My eldest who is in Yr3 has thrived there since the moment he set foot through the doors. He makes friends easily, he's doing extremely well and is in all the top groups, he is incredibly happy and I couldn't ask for more. It's also very close to home and has a fantastic community feel.

My 2nd is in Reception and started in nursery. She's a totally different child to her brother. She's extremely shy, finds it much harder to make friends than her brother did at the same age, is incredibly creative but is also quite bright. I have to say that I didn't realise that she was bright until the last couple of months when she has literally picked up everything they've taught her and absorbed it to a really surprising level.

I've never had an issue with there being 30 in the class, it suits DS well but DH and I are increasingly concerned that much as we love the school it's not the place for her. She's not unhappy there but she's certainly not loving school and whilst she has a couple of friends she hasn't gelled with any children at all in the 18 months since she started nursery. The teachers are also increasingly telling me how quiet she is, how she won't speak out and how they don't know what she knows because she doesn't show it. For example, I asked them if she could go up a level on her reading books and they had never heard her read so had no idea that she even knew the alphabet.

DH and I are increasingly starting to wonder if we should look around for another school for her and move her into a school with much smaller classes where she might feel more nurtured and comfortable and able to be more herself. I do appreciate that it's still very early days and that she'll change a lot in the next few years and I think that we've agreed to perhaps look around at a few schools with a view to moving her at the end of year 1, so in 18 months, if things haven't changed.

I suspect that this sounds like an over reaction to starting school and that it's overwhelming for many children to start school but it's a niggling feeling that isn't going away and both of us feel the same way.

Has anyone felt like this and moved their child? As I say, I love the current school and have no intention of moving the eldest and will still plan to send #3 there as he seems much more like my eldest but it just doesn't seem like the right place for the middle one.It would also mean having DD in a private school and the other 2 state which I don't have a problem with in theory but do feel a bit guilty about in practice. Due to the location of the other schools having them in more than one place wouldn't be a problem.

mrz Sun 09-Jan-11 14:24:59

i would say it can be very difficult having children in different schools (depending on distance) so something to consider when deciding

CarGirl Sun 09-Jan-11 14:27:58

As an aside is there a possibility that her hearing isn't great? DD2 suffered from glue ear and eventually had grommits towards the end of reception. She changed overnight at school from a shy withdrawn child who was near-selective mute to more confident and putting her hand up in class to answer every question!!!

BodleianBabe Sun 09-Jan-11 14:48:29

A word of caution though. if you do send your DD to a school with smaller classes it may exacerbate the problem of making friends because there's a smaller group to choose from IYSWIM???

My DSs are at a school where class size is a maximum of 20 and when DS1 started he was only 1 of eight boys.Several of the boys already knew each other as they'd been to the same nursery and he had a few problems breaking into the clique. On the other hand the boys in DS2's class are all one big happy band and all play really well together although there are a few BF pairings amongst that.

I would be really concerned about the reading thing. They read to a teacher TA three time s a week in reception and kindergarten. The problem in a big class if you have a child who is quite happy to be a bystander is that they sort of get 'lost'. It is probably worth waiting a while though as she may find her feet.

CarGirl Sun 09-Jan-11 14:52:54

Have you actually been in and spoken to the teacher about your concerns?

Dd2 was very shy/withdrawn at pre-school and the school actively worked with her from day 1 so that she didn't disappear/get lost IYSWIM? She was also on the SENCO list due to being so quiet.

admission Sun 09-Jan-11 18:10:21

Everything that you have posted says that this is a school that she be a good school for your daughter. It is frankly unikely that any other school that you go to will have much smaller classes, the economics of school funding is such that this is unlikely.

So I think the answer lies in how you and the schoo can bring your daughter out of her shell. I think you need to have a proper talk with her class teacher and establish what they think is going on. But it is very early days and maybe you are expecting to much.

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