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Girl friendship issue - year 2

(10 Posts)
Namechange2000 Wed 01-Dec-10 11:45:21

DD has had a best friend "Sophie" since Reception, also another good friend "Jane". Over the last few months lots of complaints from DD that another girl "Ann" was hanging out with them, had declared herself Jane's best friend and was hanging out with them but was nasty to them i.e. had tripped Jane up to stop her going to play with her and Sophie, had spat in DD's face, etc. Same reports from Sophie's mum. I just tried to ignore a lot of it as thought you get never get to the bottom of girls friendship issues and told DD to let Jane sort it out unless someone was hurt or upset in which case tell a teacher. DD worried about telling teachers as says Ann will turn it around so she gets in trouble instead.

In the last few weeks Ann seems to be after Sophie as her best friend and trying to get DD off the scene. Sophie wants to stay friends with DD but not very assertive at telling people to leave her alone. DD says Ann is being horrible to her, making nasty comments about a skin problem she has at the moment and DD is upset to the point of saying she is sick and not wanting to go into school on various mornings. I had a word with DD's teacher at drop off and she was non committal, said she would talk to DD.

I would gladly not get involved at all in girly friendship fall outs and I am aware that Ann's parents may have a completely different slant on things (i.e. our DD is trying to be friends with people but the other girls are mean and don't want to be friends with her). But as DD is so upset I obviously need to do something but what? I've heard of a friendship guide book recommended on MN before, would this be of any help?

Deelle Wed 01-Dec-10 16:18:46

Girl friendships eh - what a nightmare!!

Not sure exactly what to suggest apart from building on dd and Sophies friendship - eg play dates etc.

Hopefully Ann will feel really left out and go and annoy some other children !!

madwomanintheattic Thu 02-Dec-10 04:31:36

i think the teacher will be more than aware of how to deal with yr 2 girl issues - they have to do it every year! grin

just carry on as normal/ as you've already started. speak to the teacher if actual bullying occurs, and the spitting/ shoving etc, but tbh, once they all disperse to yr 3, most of this stuff wears off. it's just a bit of jostling for position. (oh, and a historical friendship since yr r/ nursery/ birth can always wear off a bit around this time - lots of girls want to broaden their horizons a bit and learn to get on with other children in time for secondary, when they are all going to get split up anyway lol.)

urgh. yr 2 girls. grin

madwomanintheattic Thu 02-Dec-10 04:32:07

oops, meant juniors. blush

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 02-Dec-10 08:53:15

Deelle, that's a bit of a harsh thing to say about a 6/7 year old girl. From the OP it is not easy to tell whether Ann is bullying or the other girls are leaving her out. That's nasty, too. I don't know why most girls, in particular, don't seem to have the easy types of friendship that most boys have.

Sorry, OP, I don't have any answers, but I would wait and see what the teacher says. Isn't the book you're talking about called something like Queen Bees?

Namechange2000 Thu 02-Dec-10 13:10:30

Thanks for replies. So will carry on as i am, involve teacher if any real upset otherwise hope they sort it themselves. Anyway thank the lord my other DC is a DS who doesn't have complex friendship issues...

Babyblade Tue 07-Dec-10 13:36:29

I know this will sound a bit "happy clappy" but my cousin had a similar problem with her DD. She wasn't being bullied, but at the receiving end of a girl who was making her miserable.

She realised that her options were limited, so setup a few Skype session with a life coach for kids. i guess it must have been this lady.

http://www.thekidscoach.org.uk/coaching-children/

It gave her daughter the inner confidence and skills to deal with the girl who were making her unhappy. if you're feeling stuck it might be worth a shot. K

Greeninkmama Tue 07-Dec-10 21:13:03

Namechange2000, my DD has also struggled with friendship issues in Y2 (for the first time). She's had a particular problem with one girl who I have heard speak very nastily to her on several occasions.

My DD was getting very upset about school so I mentioned it to her teacher who said that she couldn't talk about the other child but confirmed she had seen the same behaviour as I had and that this girl was a powerful force.

I got my DD to talk to the teacher about it, too - not in the sense of 'telling tales' but by saying she had a problem with another child and could the teacher help her come up with solutions?

We also discussed at home different strategies that she could use and things that she could say.

I think it has worked out pretty well so far - she is certainly less upset. Your DD sounds like she needs a bit of help to manage this - from both you and her teacher. A out-of-earshot chat with the teacher can't hurt, and might really shift things for your DD.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Tue 07-Dec-10 22:49:14

My dd is in year 2 and has had very similar problems. She is a very sensitive child and gets upset when the girls in question are nasty to other children too

i spoke to the teacher and she has handled it well. She said had noticed things and was v concerned when i said my dd was pretending to be ill to avoid school.she has spoken to my dd and done some stuff with the class re bullying. She also did some work around friendship and having some designated people children could turn to if they were being left out and dd chose a couple of nice boys who she plays with more now.

we all know how awful girls can be and it does starte early.you want to protect your children from it but they have to toughen up too and I have found that hard but things seem to be improving

hope they do for you too x

SkyBluePearl Wed 08-Dec-10 00:09:31

I think how well the teacher handles it is essential. Not all teachers are on the ball - so aim to keep her up to date/aware and ask what she plans to do about it. My childs teacher recently had a big talk about everyone being nice to each other as odd children are a bit nasty at times.

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