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School wouldn't let DD1 go to the loo....

(31 Posts)
Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 19:09:28

As a bit of background DD1 has had a few urine infections before and is still getting over one after a bad bout of constipation at the moment which means she feels like she needs to wee a lot, like once an hour. I realise this can be a PITA but she is 4.10, she doesn't understand that there isn't anything there.

She was in the school rehearsal today and apparently went to the loo once and then a bit later asked to go again and was told no. She then wet herself a little bit in her knickers.

I only found this out when she was undressing for bed and I saw her knickers and the fact that her bum is red raw. She said they were then wet all afternoonsad

It wasn't her teacher who said no, and she doesn't know the name of the teacher, so what do I do? Call reception and say she is to be allowed to go when she asks? Is that too PFB?

Iwasthefourthwiseman Tue 30-Nov-10 19:12:17

At 4 she shouldn't be told no to going to the toilet. Not pfb at all!

EnnisDelMar Tue 30-Nov-10 19:12:26

Not PFB at all, you need to speak to her teacher and make VERY sure they tell anyone concerned to allow your daughter to go whenever she asks to, for the time being.

Good luck, keep on at them and give her an extra cuddle - poor lass!

blueberrysorbet Tue 30-Nov-10 19:14:11

I would complain as otherwise she will have to be at home until she is better I guess? can you talk to the teacher who does reheasal and tell her the issue. why is it a PITA? hope your daughter gets better soon..

cat64 Tue 30-Nov-10 19:16:53

Message withdrawn

booyhoo Tue 30-Nov-10 19:22:22

not PFB at all. the child has a urine infection she should be permitted to go to the loo as many times as she feels she needs to, regardless of her age. does teh school know she has been ill?

PanicMode Tue 30-Nov-10 19:23:48

I've had exactly this problem with my DD who has been diagnosed with "irritable bladder" - ie I don't think the GP knows exactly, but it does mean that she thinks she has to go a lot, even if she doesn't produce anything much. She too has come home red raw a couple of times - but I went to speak to the teacher and she has dispensation to go to the loo whenever she needs to, without asking. Definitely go and speak to the teacher.

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 19:31:07

Oh thanks guys. Her teacher knows that she needs to go a lot. I think it is from her being constipated and sitting on the loo straining for so long but she has had uti's in the past and her normal teacher is fine with it.
I can't get in to speak to the teacher (work in a school 15 miles the other way) so woudl it be better to call the office (they know me as I was on the PTA), send in a note or both?

Am furious tbh, she is red raw and was weeping at bedtime as she thought I would be cross for her asking as the teacher was cross, and she was so embarrassed she couldn't tell anyonesad

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 19:34:56

hah. Dh has just got home. I have told him and he is going to take her in in the morning and 'have words'

gingernutlover Tue 30-Nov-10 19:54:24

i would bet money on the fact that the teacher involved does not normally spend time around reception aged children

YANBU to be fuming but a quiet word with the class teacher, explaining how upset your daughter was and how much pain she was in should fix the problem.

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 20:05:13

Have coached DH on the best approach. Fatherly concern tinged with disappointment at how upset/embarrassed she was shoudl do it....

The thing is, her class teacher is lovely, and would probably be mortified to know she had been in damp knickers all afternoon, it is whoever is doing the show...and if it is who I think then I think she is in the junior side rather than the infants so you could be right ginger.

mummyosaurus Tue 30-Nov-10 20:10:06

Mention it for sure, she must be allowed to go to the loo. Hope she is not too uncomfortable. Could you put some spare knickers in her book bag, just in case?

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 20:13:54

I will put some spares in, but the problem is she is very shy about things like that, so wouldn't ask to be able to change, and won't change without permissionhmm She doesn't help herelf really!

littleducks Tue 30-Nov-10 20:14:27

I put spare knickers in with pe kit which stays on peg might be worth considering but she should def be allowed the toilet

BeenBeta Tue 30-Nov-10 20:16:40

"Fatherly concern tinged with disappointment at how upset/embarrassed she was shoudl do it...."

I think I would be a bit more..

"Fatherly concern tinged with molten anger barely contained by I won't go there if you dont push me...."

StayFrosty Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 20:19:44

Beenbeta, you haven't seen my DH. He can't not do intimidating just by his build. Plus he wears his armoured bike jacket in the cold so that bulks him up a bitgrin

good idea littleducks, will sned her in with 2 tomorrow to stash in pe bag.

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 20:20:12

I would probably swear though, Not good!

mumto2andnomore Tue 30-Nov-10 20:23:26

Her normal teacher should really have made all staff aware that she needs to go to the loo often but probably forgot-we are only human. I dont think you need to make a huge issue about it,just remind her.

BeenBeta Tue 30-Nov-10 20:26:52

Ilythia - oh to be a fly on the wall at that meeting. Tell him to remember to take his helmet off. grin

ivykaty44 Tue 30-Nov-10 20:30:23

I had this with junior school, any chidl was given a black mark on the board for being naughty and this included going to the loo. dd2 got a UTI and consequently had to be put on antibiotics. I had a meeting with the deputy head and class room teacher and asked if they realised that this was dangerous, I spent the time and wrote a letter to the governers letting them know that I wasnt happy and would take further steps if this made my dc ill again - they stopped the naughty marks for going ot the loo straight away. One of mum had already moved her dc to another school due to this practice but I hadn't been aware of this until afterwards.

there is plenty of information on the internet on UTI and hanging on and not going to the loo and getting a UTI

yes I can understand the teachers not wanting lots of chidlren in the loo's at class time - but I don't want to keep my dc off school due to illness brought on by her being told she is naughty for going to the loo and then making herself ill.

Nettlerash Tue 30-Nov-10 20:31:00

Well it can be difficult. I use to teach little ones and their escape from the classroom was to go to the loo! so often one child will say `can I go to the loo' then the next and the next and before long you have a little gathering in the loo of little chatterboxes!
Did her teacher know she had an infection? If so she should have been aware of the need to go more often, if not I can kind of understand why she might have said no if she had been quite recently, although she should have checked she was feeling ok too.

Panzee Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:30

Sometimes they do just fancy a chat/break but if you send them one at a time it's not too much of a problem. And you can see the desperation on their face if they're asked to wait and it's more than a desire to stretch their legs! To be honest I don't see what the problem is with letting them have a quick break, even if they don't really need the toilet. But that's just me!
On my first day of teaching practice the head said to me "never not let them go to the toilet" and that has stayed with me.

Just remind the teacher she should have let the other adults know, she probably forgot.

treedelivery Tue 30-Nov-10 20:39:39

We have similar issues to you Ilythia. I send regular essays notes when she is going through a bad time. I detail her treatment, how it is going, what the paed has said, what the dietician has said. I thank the school for their support in enabling dd1 to get the the loo regulary, by their encouraging her to drink hourly, and by their efforts to help her maintan her dignity thorough helping her keep her troubles low key in the class room [dd1 is 6, and big into dignity at the mo].

Hence I thank them, remind them, and show how serious I am about this. I've found leaving a paper trail is the only way. Other wise it's too vauge, open to interpretation, and in amongst the other 29 requests for looking out for x's hat, y's violin, z's homework book.....I have no idea how the teachers even remember their own names let alone their pupils!

If you send a fairly detailed note outlining her medical situation, the advice you have been given by her medics, and the plans you think she needs putting in place I think it's easier for all.

really hope she's feeling better, it's the pits.

Ilythia Tue 30-Nov-10 20:47:44

Thanks. I agree that the teacher probably forgot to mention she might need to go, it's not the sort of thing you would need to remember too much in reception I woudl have thought, so not something that needed 'handing over', so I hold no malice.
I do think that any teacher who tells a 4 yr old they can't go to the loo needs a quiet word though.

I do agree you don't want children running off to the loo all the time, god knows I have stopped secondary school children from going to the loo in my class, which is why I said it was a PITA, but secondary vs infant = very different imo (especially as the ones that ask me normally stink of fag smokehmmgrin)

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