Homework Helll...p!(11 Posts)
Have read some old threads on primary school homework. My Yr 6, 10 yr old gets quite a bit now. She has been getting homework for years, several nights a week. This is the norm in most primary schools;an expectation they do it. She is not high performing at school - average and consciencious. She abhors homework, especially but not solely, maths. Rare not to have a scene at some level because she asks for help then doesn't like the help given! Same, sometimes worse with DH. Leaving it till last minute and having a before school high stress attack is most favoured. Not unusual to end up doing maths for her in desperation just so can get her to school. It sounds pathetic when I write it down but we have tried all sorts. She is generally a very lovely girl, helpful etc but I think it's her attitude to learning. She gets herself in a state before she has even looked at homework. Hoping she will grow out of this. Anyone with similar experience to share? Any groups/www giving support for this? Thinking of looking at starting something locally.
Sorry you probably aren't going to like this but the first thing you need to do is to stop doing her homework for her.
I think you need to meet with the teacher and explain what is currently happening.
I agree with mrz that you absolutely need to stop doing the homework for her.
Have you tried going back to basics:
Home from school
Snack and drink
No TV until homework is done
Is the homework too hard for her? Is it possible for the teacher to differentiate the homework for her?
I have similar problems with my dd same age, so I send sympathy your way-is the work actually too hard, or does she have a problem getting started? Is it a very daunting amount? what happens to her if it is not done?
Thanks for contributions and sympathy. Have tried all the obvious blunt instruments suggested.
The thing about refusing to help/do it for her is that she just gets soooo upset because she is so afraid of getting in trouble. I have already spoken to her teacher - so it is quite out in the open, so to speak! Teacher said don't do it and she won't be cross but DD cannot handle this - and was furious that I had spoken to the teacher about it! We are in the realms of 10 year old fear of failure fantasies here!
I shall persevere and no doubt this phase will pass. When she gets to secondary it will be beyond me anyway I expect so she will have to fly solo - with moral support only!
You need to assess the triggers. Timing, tiredness, hungry, is a favourite programme about to start, etc.
There is obviously something about doing the homework that upsets her. Is there something more going on at school than you know about (comments from other kids) etc.
Try and take a step backwards, and get her to work out a timetable with everything she needs to do, let her create it, and check off daily when she has done it.
Make it light hearted
Is the homework really necessary?
Is it stuff that should/could be done in the class?
Just to play devils advocate - is she getting upset because she's afraid of getting into trouble, because when she's upset you do her homework for her?
Don't do the homework. Mine are same age and both hate maths homework - the rest they do reasonably happily. When they moan about it, I tell them that if they don't want to do it, that's up to them, but that they will have the task of explaining to the teacher why they didn't do the homework and will have to take whatever punishment is dished out. They usually knuckle down then.
I understand the whole thing about fear of failure (been there, done that!), but maybe you need to let her fail so that she sees it's not as bad as she thinks it is.
By doing the work for her, you may actually be helping to perpetuate that fear - partly because doing it for her may subconsciously give her the message that you don't think she can do it for herself, and partly because doing it for her helps to reinforce her view that it would be the end of the world if she went into school without it being done.
She needs to accept the consequences of her own decisions, including what happens if she doesn't do her homework. Your intentions are obviously good, but by giving her a way out, you're really not helping her in the long term.
Don't do the homework!!
Agree with the others above for reasons why.
Agree with others, don't do her homework, is she was so scared of getting into trouble for not doing it, she would do it, suspect she knows you don't like to see her upset and will do it for her so just leaves it, knowing full well what will happen. Pre adolescent girls can be quite manipulative (that sounds horrible but I really don't mean it like that). As others have said, maybe the work is just too hard and this is her way of getting out of it or maybe she is use to getting away with it, really do sympathise but if you don't sort it out how good are you going to be at GCSE Chemistry, History, Physics etc when they come along and she refuses to try. If she has a regular maths homework day maybe try sitting down sith her on the night she gets it and support her (but don't do it), then she won't be worrying about it and putting it off. Even more positive praise than usual when she is getting it and stay calm when she is struggling and refusing - just keep helping. Good luck
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