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Is this really bad or am I over reacting?

(13 Posts)
WideGassySea Mon 22-Nov-10 21:26:21

Using a different name but am regular poster

DS is in Y1 and very happy at school. In his class is a young lad with pretty bad autism

They have a lovely teacher 7 days a fortnight, and then every Friday and alternate Thursdays they have someone else.
However last week their regular teacher had flu so they had the other teacher all week. All clear as mud so far? LOL

Anyway, yesteray I was chatting with DS about having stand in teacher, and about missing regular teacher and just said casually, 'but you like Mrs X dont you?' to which he replied

'yeah she is ok, but she is mean to (autistic child- lets call him Jack) Jack. When he is naughty she holds his hand tight until he lets go of his toy. Also when Jack wont sit on the carpet she squeezes his arm and makes him cry' sad

On probing a bit deeper tonight he said 'if you are naughty when Mrs X is in the class you get your arm held like this' (and showed his arms being grabbed and squeezed around the wrist.

I am so torn between my DS making up utter rubbish- which they are of course prone to at 5- he can exagerate horribly and has a mad imagination- he told me off in front of an entire trainload of passengers for punching him shock when I had caught his ear reaching past him to grab a hat falling off. But on the other hand, if it is true then I am utterly horrifed, especially for 'Jack' who doesnt have the skills to tell his mum, andf I wouldnt want DS to not tell me something in future.

I think I have probably done the wrong thing in that I have told Jack's mum what was said and she is going to bring it up tomorrow with the school as by all accounts her DS was upset and unsettled all week.

So is 'restraining' a child like that acceptable? Should I talk to the head and say I am unhappy with my DS being handled in that way (which my heart says I should do, as I am unhappy) or is this 'normal'

Input appreciated

thisisyesterday Mon 22-Nov-10 21:32:02

oh gosh

do you think it sounded made up? i normally have a pretty good idea when ds1 (also in yr 1) is telling fibs
it doesn't sound like hte normal kind of made-up stuff to me. if he is anything like my ds it generally involves him rather than other people and is usually fairly wild! lol

i think i would ask for a meeting with the head teacher actually. and jjust say what he has told you, and that you realise he is only young and it may not be like that, but you are concerned in case the teacher is struggling?

i don't know, but i hope you get it sorted

i don't think it's acceptable at all btw!

silverfrog Mon 22-Nov-10 21:34:31


all depends on where the truth lies, doesn't it?

yes, restraining is allowed, if necessary, and if done appropriately. al the teachers at dd1's school have had restraint training (dd1 is severely ASD, at a SN school).

that said, they rarely have to use it, as they obviously use other methods first, and hopefully it never gets to the point where restraining is necessary.

if I were Jack's mum, I would want to be told (and in a way I am grin - dd1 used to be in ms, and there were things I only found out about via a similar route. she was unable to tell me, staff didn't always think to (not due to covering up), so I had to rely on hearsay and bring it up myself if I wanted to know anyhting about it)

FWIW, it can look pretty severe when a child is being restrained, and I am sure I am on the receiving end of horrified glances at times as I move dd1 along when out and about etc. it is hard to know the full story.

whomovedmychocolate Mon 22-Nov-10 21:34:41

Go to the head, tomorrow if possible. Just state what he's told you. The head will ask anyway when 'Jack's' mum turns up arguing tomorrow. So you should get in first if you can so it's clear what your DS said.

How worrying for you.

KangarooCaught Mon 22-Nov-10 21:35:38

If 'Jack' is the sort to run off/strike out she might be keeping him by her side to protect/guide him especially if he's non-verbal. Some appropriate contact is allowed. I suppose the interpretation is in how hard 'Jack's' hand/wrist is being held and whether it's appropriate i.e. is he being steered/quietened or being restrained, and if restrained under what circs/how? Reception classes are usually busy places with TAs present and people popping in and out, just to reassure you a bit, but there is no harm, imo, if your friend pops into check what's going on and to find out how they are responding to his autism.

WideGassySea Mon 22-Nov-10 21:44:55

Thank you

I am not quite sure where the truth lies of course, but have just spoken to a friend whose DD is in the class and confirmed that that Jack is held onto hard until he cries too,

Also if it wasnt clear DS has said she has held his arm like that as well as 2 other boys too, so it does seem it is just the SN boy who is having this punishment.

thisisyesterday my DS is usually wilder in his fabrications too- I half expected 'and then a big dragon comes in and ...' but that didnt come

Silverfrog thank you for your input as someone who has been there with this sort of thing

kangaroo I appreciate your professional opinion. Keeping this lad safe is obviously a huge priority for them, so I am sure some restraining must be essential yes

whomoved I think you are right, I need to
talk to them- luckily the head is very approachable

Thanks again all

ShoshanaBlue Mon 22-Nov-10 21:49:24

Restraining is allowed?!?

I've been told that I am not allowed to restrain my own child - even when she attacks me and others.

What is the law in this?

ginodacampoismydh Mon 22-Nov-10 21:58:17

restraint using joints and not long bones is very much not allowed as a rule of any restraint proccedure.

Im sure restarint in schools is not allowed. But not 100% sure, it maybe that it would need to be a specific policy of behaviour management wich would require specific individual (to each child) behaviour managemnt plans with all proffessionals in signed agreement, inc parents.

PixieOnaLeaf Mon 22-Nov-10 22:25:08

Message withdrawn

Bigpants1 Mon 22-Nov-10 23:43:23

Hi. As above poster says-restraining a pupil in school, can ONLY be done by those who have had specific training, and most teachers are not allowed to put their hands as you describe on a dc.
I would be having a word with the Head, as this does not seem appropriate. It also is not good for the other dc to witness. No restraining should be done by grabbing/squeezing the wrist, or any joints, as they bruise easily and can break!
To me, it sounds like this teacher is finding this dc difficult to handle, and should be asking the Head for extra support/training. In any case, until you can be satisfied what you say is being taken seriously,(for it is serious if what your ds says is accurate),I would be asking the Head to either remove this teacher from the class-pending the matter being looked into, or, ask that this teacher have another member of staff with her at ALL TIMES till the situation is recitified.
I think your ds is brave telling you this, and it has probably unsettled him seeing this somewhat. Let us know how you get on.

Sassyfrassy Tue 23-Nov-10 06:40:13

In my school all teachers are allowed to restrain wether we have had training or not as part of our duty of care. If I have to restrain a child I need to fill in a long form though and give justificiation etc. It would only happen if the child is a danger to themselves or others.

ShoshanaBlue Wed 24-Nov-10 22:14:01

Sorry - I meant at home. My daughter can be a real danger at times. She's attacked me several times, and Grandad (who is very elderly)...often she will just be a danger to herself as she doesn't really see cars etc as a danger...

Thing is, we've been told countless times that we are not allowed to restrain her at all. I'd only want to do so so that she can not hurt anyone else or herself and would like to do so safely.

Teacher401 Wed 24-Nov-10 23:05:45

'1) A member of the staff of a school may use, in relation to any pupil at the school such force as is reasonable in the circumstances for the purpose of preventing the pupil from doing (or continuing to do) any of the following, namely:

committing any offence
causing personal injury to, or damage to the property of, any person (including the pupil himself); or
engaging in any behaviour prejudicial to the maintenance of good order and discipline at the school or among any of its pupils, whether behaviour occurs during a teaching session or otherwise.' local authority guidance.

There is no mention in the guidelines that they have to follow any specific training restraint style. Although, teamteach is generally the one used.

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