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Is IEP always beneficial? No cons?

(25 Posts)
Octavia09 Mon 15-Nov-10 19:00:27

Did it help yuor child?
Did it make the situation worse or no changes?

We have been advised to put our DS on IEP regarding his social skills.

IndigoBell Mon 15-Nov-10 19:04:29

IEPs aren't always written well and don't always work. But they are normally not a con.

If your child has been offered extra help with his social skills you would be very wise to grab the opportunity and to also ask school for more details about their concerns.

School won't have put him on this intervention to make them look good or anything like that. They genuinely feel he would benefit from it.

thisisyesterday Mon 15-Nov-10 19:10:32

well, my son had 3 IEP's last year without me knowing anything about it hmm

however, we ARE concerned about his behaviour, and the fact he has had them has made it easier for his teacher this year to get the involvement of ed psych and stuff.....

so even in my weird experience of them they seem to be of some help!

piscesmoon Mon 15-Nov-10 19:17:28

Your DC shouldn't have an IEP that you haven't seen! You should agree it and sign. I think thay are always beneficial-at least someone is concentrating on their needs. Help in social skills can only be good.

SkyBluePearl Mon 15-Nov-10 19:20:16

Yes IEP's are a great way of targeting a need and working on it. As parents you should be fully aware of what is in the IEP though.

jollyma Mon 15-Nov-10 19:20:33

If it does nothing else it should oblige the school to talk to you more than normal about his progress and give you the opportunity to ask why if progress hasnt been made. When they write objectives make sure they are measurable as often they are written too wooly and general. They should be small steps that can be observed and ticked off.

Thisisyesterdays experience shouldn't have happened but does too often.

LeninGrad Mon 15-Nov-10 19:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lydwatt Mon 15-Nov-10 19:20:57

I agree..they do offer support and that can not be a bad thing.

I cannot think of an example where they have had a negative impact. IndigoBell is right, they sometimes may make no real difference, but that's about the worst of it in my opinion.

MollieO Mon 15-Nov-10 19:23:40

They need to be focused if they are to be any good. One of ds's is to be getting 80% of his spelling test right by the end of term.

PixieOnaLeaf Mon 15-Nov-10 19:28:40

Message withdrawn

cat64 Mon 15-Nov-10 19:44:12

Message withdrawn

Octavia09 Mon 15-Nov-10 20:46:38

We are going to discuss this matter again but I think he is a bit shy, lacking social skills. They say that sometimes they have to call him a few times because he is in his thoughts. A bit unconfident when talking in front of the whole class. Does not follow the herd when he needs to. When everyone has to go to one direction he would not (not every time but I understand they want him to react immediately). I think they want to work on a programme how to boost his confidence and how to make him more alert (I am not sure yet). In small groups he is fine. He is interested in other children but does not know how to make friends with them. They want us to socialise more, invite friends home but after the school he is tired and at weekends we are enjoying doing our own family things as most of the other families. I thought that meeting classmates for 5 days would have been enough. May be we could think of martial arts to boost his confidence or anything else. Which classes would you recommend?

IndigoBell Mon 15-Nov-10 20:55:56

If they have a programme in mind they want to use with him that is great. My boy has been on lots of social skills intervention, which usuall involve a TA taking out 4 kids to play games. He's always really enjoyed it.

Pretty hard for me to tell if it's helped or not becuase it's all really unmeasurable stuff and we're talking about how he behaves it school etc. But I'm fairly sure they are helping.

Beavers / Cubs / Scouts are good for developing social skills.

It is a good idea to invite someone round to play every now and then.

Good luck. Sounds like nothing to worry about, but something that can be improved.

Octavia09 Mon 15-Nov-10 21:04:49

Thanks IndigoBell and everyone else; you give me hope. I have forgotten to mention that he is in his reception year only. I guess the earlier they start working on his social skills the easier it is going to be for him and the teachers in the future. When I was a kid no-one was bothered about such things. No IEPs.

IndigoBell Mon 15-Nov-10 21:08:55

Reception - that's great news. Put him down for beavers then - they don't start until he's 6.

His social skills will improve as he gets older anyway - but a little top up isn't going to hurt

Now I understand why he gets so tired (if he is only 4/5). Don't stress about it. Just keep it in the back of your mind and when you see opportunities for him to do something grab it.

piscesmoon Mon 15-Nov-10 22:33:29

I would recommend Beavers.

Octavia09 Tue 16-Nov-10 13:45:23

I do not know how he behaves at school but what really bothers me is that he cannot greet people. When another child says "hello", he instead of replying with confidence something mumbles under his nose or does not say anything but looks happy that someone had greeted him. The same with bye-bye. How can I make him say "hello" and "bye-bye" with confidence and say it so other could hear it. Is it normal actually or I am just too much worried? I am not sure he will be able to recite something in front of the class or even more people if he behaves like that. I wonder whether it is our fault because we do not greet each-other in the mornings, when we wake up. Also, I notice if another child talks to him (out of the blue) he does not know what to say. However, when we had children at home he is fine, talks without problems but behaves a little bit bossy. I am a man of this house. He wants to show everything. May be it is his hospitality. This morning we walked to the school and a boy on our street said hello to him. He just continued walking. I asked why did you not reply to him. I try to tell him that being polite and have good manners is very good. If he wants to be invited (he does want) to that boy's house then he should talk to him and say "hello" and "bye-bye". May be that boy's mum does not want to invite him if he behaves like that. But we will invite them first although I do not want to frighten her off with his hospitality

LeninGrad Tue 16-Nov-10 17:15:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBrollyhook Tue 16-Nov-10 22:17:13

Your DS sounds just like my DD, who also first had an IEP in reception (now Yr1) for her social skills. Her reception teacher even referred her to a Speech and Language Therapist as they were concerned about her lack of interaction - although she was found to have no problem there. The school has focused on small group work and encouraging her relationships with staff and pupils. The main thing we have done is have children to play, plus she's about to start Rainbows which she's really looking forward to. And I go into school for about an hour once a week to play a game with her and a few friends to encourage her interaction.

She's still very shy and has difficulty greeting people, but it's improving slowly. She will now talk more with both children and adults, usually after a few minutes, not straight away. She has a good group of friends at school - about 8 girls she plays with often. And she now joins in with activities better - recently joining a ballet class, and very keen on Rainbows.

Yes your DS is shy, but if you can help him interact and he's happy it's OK to be shy. I hope the IEP helps him.

Octavia09 Wed 17-Nov-10 10:09:32

I do not think he has PDA. I talked to his teacher and she said that he has changed a lot since starting his reception year. She saw him in his nursery and he was very different. The teachers at the nursery had a negative impact on him. He is recovering. I want to cry because I feel a lot happier hearing these positive news. I know for sure that there were favourite kids in the nursery; but you do not show this, do you? yes, they did. I could see how they looked and talked. Anyway, we have to move on and forget about them. You can see how a wrong environment can affect child's social skills. His present teacher says that she had different thoughts about him a few months ago. But she and the other teachers see that a happy and caring environment can change the child very quickly.

LeninGrad Wed 17-Nov-10 13:10:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Octavia09 Wed 17-Nov-10 13:25:08

Thank you LeninGrad. I hope it works for your DS too. I have not seen the plan yet. Probably next week only. I shall reasearch the Beavers.

Octavia09 Wed 17-Nov-10 21:57:38

I know that IEP should be confidential. In my case I think it is not anymore. I talked to the teacher for 10 min or so in the classroom and then from somewhere behind the corner a mum had appeared. She did not look at us because she was trying to find her DC's bag or something else. I was shocked. She stayed on a purpose and listened to our talk and then realised it could take longer and behaved like nothing had happened. She did not even look at us. But of course she heard everything. Now she will tell another mum (her friend) and then everyone will know my DS is on IEP, has some problems. On one hand I am not pleased about it but on another hand, why should I care about her. It is just that she might not know the whole story as this matter was also discussed during the parents' meeting. I cannot do anything, right, so just have to ignore them. I want to say I hope she is a nice woman and will not make up stories about my DS; but then her behaviour was not descent.

jollyma Thu 18-Nov-10 15:19:08

Try not to worry about what other people think. Having extra help is nothing to be embarrassed about and that you are trying to deal with issues is something you should be proud of.

sleepingsowell Thu 18-Nov-10 16:20:32

I agree, an IEP is nothing to be embarrassed about. All children have needs. Some of them need to be addressed and worked on specifically and the school are doing their jobs.
It's not your DS who has 'a problem' - in reception they are SO young and many kids are simply not ready for school and all the social skills that come with it.
Trouble is, to be 'no trouble' in school you need to be a kid who listens on demand and is happy to follow the herd. School doesn't value eccentricity of character, it's inconvenient sad So don't put it all on your son - it's just as much a problem that school 'creates' in that it puts him in this unusual position of needing to be highly socially active when he is so young and possibly just not ready.

My son has always had IEPs and they should certainly be signed by you; you should have a copy. They need to review them once a term and you are entitled to a meeting with the teacher and SENCO (in addition to any usual parents evenings). You should be consulted and involved but in practice DS's have always been written solely by the teacher.

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