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Concerned about DD at primary school - wwyd?

(15 Posts)
fifitot Wed 10-Nov-10 20:10:05

DD only started reception this year and is one of the youngest in her class. There is a girl there who she obviously looks up to and wants to be friends with who I will call Mia. This girl is now nearly a year older than my DD and a bit more sophisticated.

DD has come back from school a few times a bit upset and every time it is related to Mia. Just daft kids stuff mainly such as Mia wouldn't let DD sit with her at lunch, or had been saying that I (mummy) had horrible hair (!). This Mia is a popular girl and clearly queen bee in the playground.

However the latest thing is that DD tells me that Mia told her to put her hands in her pants and 'press her body'. I think DD did this in the playground, as she said 'everyone was watching' and she was 'walking around doing it'and she was told by a teacher to stop. I questioned her about this but she began to backtrack and said she'd made it up. I don't think that's the case as it's a bit complicated for her to make up. What I can't ascertain is how much of Mia was involved in this or not. DD does embroider at times.

Thinking of speaking to her teacher tomorrow to ascertain what happened and just to raise the issue that I think DD is being dominated a bit by this girl. Just so it can be 'kept an eye on' if you like. Don't want DD made to feel uncomfortable.

I am new to school stuff so would welcome some advice. Thanks.

HuwEdwards Wed 10-Nov-10 20:19:51

I wouldn't mention the pants incident explicitly, given you have some doubts over the other girl's involvement, but I think it's fine to mention the fact that your DD is a bit in awe of this other girl and that the friendship seems a bit on-sided and could they keep an eye on it.

HuwEdwards Wed 10-Nov-10 20:20:20


Teacher401 Wed 10-Nov-10 20:23:49

I would mention it. This could be a sign of something going on at the girls home, not jumping to conclusions or anything, but just say 'I'm a bit concerned that my DD said ...' it could well have been the teacher who told her to stop.

DinahRod Wed 10-Nov-10 20:25:17

I would mention the pants. Even if dd was a bit garbled it's an unlikely tall tale to tell and therefore likely has some basis in fact. Speak to the teacher and ask for dd to be monitored/protected at play time and to for school to help steer dd into more positive friendships.

DinahRod Wed 10-Nov-10 20:28:01

What they do regarding 'Mia' is down to the school, but you may also be doing this child a good-turn too in raising her inappropriate behaviour.

Lydwatt Wed 10-Nov-10 20:34:42

I would mention it too. It would be up to the school to interpret what happened then.

i also think it is important to have a discussion about this friendship with 'Mia' with the class teacher. Just so that they can keep an eye on it more than anything else.

fifitot Wed 10-Nov-10 20:40:07

Thanks. I will phone tomorrow to arrange to speak to the class teacher. If it occured as DD described then another teacher did witness it so I will find out what was happening.

Could really do without this.....DD is quite a sensitive little thing.

runmeragged Wed 10-Nov-10 20:41:28

I would mention the unbalanced friendship and the pants issue personally. My DS is in reception - I definitely would mention anything like this to his teacher.

Flowergarden1 Fri 12-Nov-10 11:06:15

My DS had problems with a friendship when he started reception in September. I talked to the teacher about it and she sorted it out with no hurt feelings on either side.

NannyGlen Fri 12-Nov-10 11:30:56

There seems to be a 'Mia' problem in every class. A cocky little Madam that rules the roost and can be very spiteful. Poor DD. I would definitely not just mention the pants incident but express the possibility that Mia may be learning inappropriate behaviour at home. I am always surprised by how many teachers are unaware of how much sexual abuse goes on. Of course, Mia may have found out all by herself what can go on in her pants. But a raised consciousness never hurt. Speaking as a one time supporter of adult victims of childhood sexual abuse.

fifitot Fri 12-Nov-10 17:45:10

Thanks. Spoke to teacher who knew nothing of the incident but was concerned about any possible low level bullying like this. They will keep an eye on things and were grateful I raised it.

Thanks for your replies.

crazygracieuk Fri 12-Nov-10 18:01:34

I think you did the right thing and it's great that the teacher was receptive. This happened to my pfb but he didn't confide in any adult and it ended very badly fir the Mia while my pfb is now thriving.

Lydwatt Sat 13-Nov-10 08:49:40

I agree. Its important kids learn from an early age that teachers and other adults can help resole bullying and not not keep it to themselves

Lydwatt Sat 13-Nov-10 08:50:21

oops resolve

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