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Settling in problems

2 replies

girlybags · 12/10/2010 12:25

Problems at school - aggression
I was just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and can offer me any advice, here goes...

My son is 4 and started primary school about 4 weeks ago. Since he started he has had lots of problems settling in. On friday I was asked to speak with the head and his teacher and was basically told that if his behaviour continues he will be excluded from school! He has been hitting, biting and spitting at the other children, as well as point blank refusing to do as the teacher tells him, constantly interrupting and talking back and they are concerned about him constantly putting objects in his mouth (which he has done since he was a baby and I have only recently been told that this in itself could be a syndrome). He says that he likes school and when asked (last night) if there's anything he doesn't like about it he said 'there are too many people'.

He went through a similar situation in nursery which lasted for quite a few weeks but seemed to be just a phase that he outgrew, and was put down to him not feeling comfortable around so many children all at once. My son is energetic and constantly talks, but he has no trouble concentrating when doing something that interests him and he has always slept well at night so I don't think he has got ADHD but I do think that there is something triggering his behavioural problems. I did ask the staff at his nursery if they thought that there was anything unusual about his behaviour and they assured me that he is just a 'normal' boy. School, however, have made me feel like this is not the case, have asked me to take him to see his GP and they are putting some strategies in place at school to tackle his behaviour. The way my sons teacher and head have spoken to me has also been eating away at me - it's as though they think I'm one of their pupils and I've been made to feel like this is all my fault. Phrases like 'I'm not having it' have been barked out at me and if it happens again I'm not sure I'll be able to hold my tongue! Of course I'll work with everyone at the school to get this sorted but I don't feel as though I should be spoken to like a naughty child!

His behaviour at home, whilst not perfect, is nothing like his behaviour at school. He's an only child but spends time with his younger cousin and there are no issues with biting or hitting and he doesn't spit at home either. He's quite a clever boy, very articulate and easy to hold a conversation with, although he does interrupt constantly and sometimes has trouble listening (I can be talking to him and sometimes he doesn't even realise it!).

Anyway, sorry for the long post! I was ultimately wondering what would happen if he was excluded from school? If anyone has any experience with this type of situation I would really appreciate hearing from them. Thanks in advance

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girlybags · 12/10/2010 12:28

I meant to say... I'm starting to regret applying to this school now and think that my son may have settled in a lot better at a smaller, non-govt run school but don't know whether it's best to see how things go or try and get him moved to another school...

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ArachnoPhantomBia · 13/10/2010 14:57

Can't offer advice on exclusion but wanted to say I'm in a similar situation with my 4 year old. According to his teacher he's like a "sponge" regarding his work yet his behaviour is "challenging" (her words, really I would use appalling).

Thankfully in my case his teacher is being extremely supportive and I have a meeting with her once a week as well as notes back and forth to say how he's doing.

I was advised to focus on one aspect of his behaviour at a time and keep my words short. The catchphrase is "kind hands". He's starting to understand this. I moved onto "no hair pulling" and am awaiting a response today so say whether this has had an effect. I also re-introduced a star chart at home based on the outcome of the school (ie stars for good behaviour cards, stars removed from bad behaviour cards) and added an element of competition with his younger brother (who's potty training).

Your school should have strategies for dealing with your son. Please set up a meeting again with his teacher to see if you can work together. You really do need to work together and I fear if the school is unreasonable then you'll have to consider moving him to find somewhere more supportive.

I know what you are saying re smaller class. But ultimately I think the situation would be the same expect he would disrupt less children!

I'm also reading between the lines on your "he's a normal boy" line. I'm not sure either but I suspect. It's hard to talk about with other parents eh? The way I see it in my case, DSs behaviours could simply be him settling in (tbh I hope so), it could be a disorder of some kind possible touching the autism scale), or he could have asynchronus development. Only time will tell. TBH I hope it's settling in.

Sorry to have rambled on about myself and my DS. Keep your thread updated. Best of luck

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