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Tempermental 10 Year Old Girl - is she spoilt or hormonal?

(13 Posts)
vickyw11 Thu 03-Nov-11 21:34:52

My daughter was 10 last week. She had a party and a sleepover and seemed to really enjoy herself. We also went out shopping with her best friend the next day. This week she has morphed into a spoilt moo.

I mentioned that we would be having fireworks on Saturday and that her best friend would be coming over (a mistake mentioning it) but unfortunately that is not going to work out because her friend's brother has a party to go to which doesn't finish until 8.30pm. We have since been invited to another friend's house for fireworks and a BBQ. She says that whatever I say we are going to do never happens and she is always being let down. I didn't bother to mention all the money and time spent on her birthday and all the other attention she gets. For Halloween she had two friends round for tea and then we went out Trick and Treating (also decorated the outside of the house).

She just seems so ungrateful. We have had a lot of upset in the family. My mum died 6 months ago and both my children were very close to her. They were actually there when she passed away and maybe she's not handling it all as well as I thought? My 13 year old son still has a cry every now and then and I know he dreams about her a lot but my daughter doesn't really show any emotion. I obviously have been distracted but I thought I was keeping everything quite smooth where the kids are concerned. Maybe she's picking up on my unhappiness. She is very tall for her age and has started to grow boobies so maybe it is just hormones. My son said he will talk to her tomorrow and say how excited he is to being going to the fireworks party. He also asked me if I had given her "the girl talk" yet?

Sorry this is a bit rambling but that's how I feel at the moment.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 04-Nov-11 09:37:42

My DD is 10.5 and her moods fluctuate. A lot. I have learned over time not to tell her too far in advance about things in case they change. It is obviously unreasonable of your DD to be pouting about the change in plans.
Have you had 'the talk' with her? It sounds like a lot of responsibiltiy for your son, no matter how mature he seems.
Can she see her friend on Sunday, I know it isn't the same as having her over for the evening, but it's a compromise.

vickyw11 Fri 04-Nov-11 10:31:01

Your right about not telling her things too far in advance. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. I think you misunderstood about the talk. I just asked son to talk to her about fireworks party. I certainly wouldn't expect him to give her "talk".

I will see if her friend is free for a couple of hours on Sunday.

BleughCowWonders Fri 04-Nov-11 11:05:30

I think it's always worth remembering that even a 10 year old is still quite young to be always good grin and to be grateful to order.

If it's only six months since her gran died, there's still a lot of processing and grief to get through.

Only you know if she's 'spoilt' (your op) but to me she sounds like a normal 10yr old.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 04-Nov-11 11:11:08

blush yes I did misunderstand.
It does sound a lot like a mixture of hormones and indulgence.
My DD is the same, hormonal and spoiled. Bad mixture.

3monkeys Fri 04-Nov-11 11:38:47

My DD, 10, is spoiled AND hormonal! 2 out of the last 3 nights, she's been absolutely fine until she's gone to bed. Then she's 'felt funny' and we've had tears. I have gone over and over is there anything wrong at school, she says not and doesn't know why she;'s upset. Call me cynical but the night I worked late, she went to bed fine! I can;t deal with her when she's like that and I get irritated

zest01 Fri 04-Nov-11 22:26:38

No advice just glad to read (kind of) we have an 11 yr old DD who you can do 9/10 things she wants to do and the 1 thing you can't do will result in her throwing her toys out of the pram. Everything gets thrown back in your face, she is the leat favourite child, she never gets to do what she wants EVER and all the things you have done for her prior to the outburst seem to count for nothing.

I have been wondering are we too strict, not strict enough...where are we going wrong. It's only from reading threads on here that I have begun to realise that it's probably hormones, boundary testing and age related.

Still hard to handle but good to know it's not just us!!

vickyw11 Sun 06-Nov-11 00:30:38

We have just got back from the party and DD had a wonderful time. She's just gone up to bed in a very good mood. I will know what to do next time she has a tantrum - just stick to my guns and ride it out. I think we are in for a bumpy ride the next couple of years!

startail Sun 06-Nov-11 01:30:13

I'm glad she's cheered up. I have a 10 year old DD who can be the most ungrateful pain in the neck too!
It is very wearing. I try to take a deep breath and ignore her as much as possible, but sometimes...
She's always been a bit prone to a good winge, but being 10 makes it worse.
I remember very clearly being 10, I thought I knew everything.
At 10 your too old to appreciate being told where to go, what to do and what to wear, but too young to do things on your own.
It's a very frustrating age, toys become less interesting, CBBC is getting repetitive, you can't have friends round all the time and mean Mum won't let you have an hour in town like she will big sister.
She isn't yet want to read older teen books, school doesn't stretch her much and she doesn't get any real homework.
It's time she moved on to senior school and had a new adventure, but thats a bit scary, I think and just adds to the confusion that is being10 and inY6

molepomandmistletoe Thu 29-Dec-11 22:12:14

Zesty ^"No advice just glad to read (kind of) we have an 11 yr old DD who you can do 9/10 things she wants to do and the 1 thing you can't do will result in her throwing her toys out of the pram. Everything gets thrown back in your face, she is the leat favourite child, she never gets to do what she wants EVER and all the things you have done for her prior to the outburst seem to count for nothing.^"

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have just described my DD at a T, with the way she has behaved today. Glad to know It's normal as I have spent the last 2 hours trying to work out, where I have gone wrong, is she spoilt or just hormonal.

AnaS Fri 30-Dec-11 17:17:31

You could all be talking about my dd1 who is also 10. I suppose it helps to know that it can't be your fault if they are all like this. Sometimes she can be thoughtful and helpful - just on her terms. I like to think this is her real personality and that when we come through 'the other side' she will be a pleasure to know......fingers crossed for all of us!!

Tonksforthememories Fri 30-Dec-11 17:26:13

Dammit, I can see my DD1 fitting in perfectly here, and she's only 8! Last couple of months she's become such a drama queen and a martyr, and expects you to be psychic hmm

callymac66 Tue 03-Jan-12 12:33:49

just joined to look for advice on this very problem and couldn't believe it was the first thread I found - my 10 yr old DD has changed from the sweetest little girl to the most self absorbed little diva in just 3 months. Last night she was upset and wouldn't speak to me - when I managed to get her to talk, it turned out she was upset about having to tell her friends in school that for the two weeks of the Xmas holidays, we only went out twice!! It seems at the moment that whatever she gets or is done for her, it is never enough. She has become rude and sullen and it's such a change I'm having problems adjusting - I never expected this sort of behavious so early.
Glad to know it's not just her though - although the idea of brigades of noughty 10 year old girls scares me more than I care to admit hmm

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