Am I handling this wrong?

(4 Posts)
Aifos123 Wed 09-Jun-21 20:59:40

Middle DD is 12, will be 13 in November. She started having some friendship issues with friend 1 after DD and 4 other friends met up in town but F1 was not allowed to go. F1 then ignored DD and other girls in school after the weekend and starting sending catty messages. I advised DD to not respond to them and carry on going about her business. F1 kept messaging and kept messaging till eventually DD snapped and messaged back. I then had a message from the mum with a screenshot of that conversation. I explained the issue to mum and suggested they sort it out between themselves and mum agreed. DD then had another friend over for a sleepover and F1 got jealous and started messaging again, again DD snapped and mum sent me the screenshots. I spoke with DD again and suggested she just stopped replying to F1 altogether.
All was quiet until last night when I had a voice message from the mum who had recorded DD’s voice note to F1 saying that she was so fed up with the constant messaging that she was going to harm herself.
I spoke with DD and she said that she just didn’t know how else to get her to stop so tried to shock her. We had a long discussion about how she was feeling and there were lots of tears. She apologised to F1 for what she said and I suggested to the mum that school provided some mediation for them to sort out their differences in a safe space. Mum declined and came back with did i know DD was a lesbian.
Now I have no issues whatever sexuality my kids are but it’s up to them to tell me in their own time when they are ready, not for another parent to out them.
I spoke with school this morning and asked for DD to have an appointment with the youth worker so talk things through which she did and she was feeling a bit happier when she got home.
This afternoon Friend 2’s mum messaged to say she had heard DD was having issues with her mental health and didn’t want her daughter to have any involvement in supporting DD so could they stop messaging. DD is now distraught and can’t understand what she has done wrong. I’m so worried that other parents are going to do the same and she is going to end up with no one to be friends with.

What else can I do? Should I have handled this differently?

OP’s posts: |
R0tational Wed 09-Jun-21 21:43:16

Get her some mental health support. You already arranged for her to speak to someone so thats great.

She will make mistakes and reflect and learn. Hugs and move forward.

Other mum sounds difficult, but also very unkind to cut your DD off like that. Not wanting to support someone is fine but cutting them iff is awful. I hope she finds some other kinder friends and a safe place to express her stresses and emotions


Aifos123 Wed 09-Jun-21 21:45:46

Thanks, school are on it and fab, I will make sure she has regular appointments with the youth worker so she has a safe space to talk and I have made it clear that she has my support

OP’s posts: |
Christmasfairy2020 Tue 15-Jun-21 20:43:57

So friend 1 caused the mh problems. I'd tell the other mum that. Also remind your daughter silence hurts more than words. Hope your daughter is ok

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