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Dd11 friend came for sleepover could i have done more(29 Posts)
I'll try to keep this short. Dd11 invited friend yesterday for sleepover friend arrived at 4 they went upstairs plenty of giggling etc. Came down for tea then back upstairs playing, painted nails settled down watched a film. This morning walked to the shops then spent an hr in garden. I asked if wanted lunch said yes i started to get it ready, friend came in could she go home i said yes give me 10mins as needed to get younger ones ready 3&7 friend rolled her eyes went upstairs to pack her bag. We walked her home well she stormed off in front obviously in a mood 😳. I asked dd what was wrong with her she said well she got abit bored. Im sat here feeling terrible for my dd as she really tried to keep her friend happy and wondering what else i could have done. Any ideas?
It's her not you. She's just a kid though and they're not always known for their manners.
What a brat. 11 year olds don't need you to entertain them.
I don't think you needed to have done anything. 11 is plenty old enough to entertain themselves.
But it does seem quite a long time so I can see why the girls might have run out of steam and got a bit bored towards the end.
At that age, I used to agree in advance a time for friends to be collected by parents - generally late morning, possibly straight after lunch if an activity had been planned for the morning.
You and DD didn't do anything wrong, it's probably just a long time to spend together. In the old days, like when we were kids, I am sure sleepovers started about 6pm and finished around 11 the next morning. I think I find the trend for longer play dates a bit much - both as a parent and remembering how it was to be a child.
I'd be feeling a bit bored by lunchtime if I had been at a friend's house since 4 the day before. It's not about the quality of the activities, just the beginning away from my own home. I suppose a better way to put it would be run out of steam?
Don’t feel bad, they just crash & want to go home at that age (or any age really)
If they were talking and went to sleep late she’s probably just tired.
Maybe she was homesick but was too embarrassed to say it. Maybe her and your daughter had fallen out?
Yes, agree with others that it was probably just a bit too long. She was probably tired and just wanted to go home.
Don't worry, she's tired, she's ready to go home and she's not mature enough yet to hide it
There's nothing wrong with the friend getting a bit bored, or just wanting her own space, on a long meet-up. It seems inevitable sometimes. The friend needs to learn how to politely leave - which to be fair is not the easiest skill, many adults struggle to politely extricate themselves from things.
I'd reassure your daughter, and maybe keep things a bit shorter next time. You could always extend it if they're still having a brilliant time.
As everyone else has said, it's probably just a long time staying at someone's house. Still quite rude of her though. I remember running out of steam at the same age after staying two nights with a friend, who wanted me to stay a third night! I was never huffy with her or her parents though. Just made my excuses.
I have learnt with my preteen DD's and their friends its definitely better to cut things a bit short and send them home while they're still having fun then waiting for them to get bored or start annoying each other. I think especially at the moment my 11 year old in particular is struggling a bit with socialising - I think they're out of practice having not had friends over for so long.
She stayed too long. After a sleepover, she should have been picked up/dropped off by about 9am, 10 at the latest.
Maybe her phone had run out of battery? They seem to be constantly glued to them these days. (Including mine)
They often stay awake late chatting on sleepovers and are then wrecked the next morning so best to send them home wrecked. My dd always came up cross and tired from sleepovers. She loved the night before but tiredness got her in the end.
Also ds often said ..when friends stayed over..when are they going home as once morning came he had enough.
So don't worry it's probably just tiredness so reassure your dd and relax
The next morning, give them breakfast and then send them home.
They won't have slept well... do you really want someone else's grumpy, tearful child hanging around the house as well as your own.
Get rid of the extras and then send yours back upstairs for a nap . Win, win.
Ah, friend probably just wanted to go home and have a rest, probs tired and grumpy after a late night and wanted home comforts. I did a lot of sleepovers at that age and generally we wouldn't go to someone's house until at least 5 or 6 sometimes even later after tea and then 'home time' would be before lunch the next day, usually 10-12ish. Unless we had something actually planned for the next day like a trip out somewhere and then we'd all go to our respective homes from there.
Having said that, this girl was very rude! There's no way me or any of my old childhood friends would have behaved like that in front of a parent of a friend .
My DD is the same age and has always been little miss independent but I've noticed since lockdown that she is just more aware of where DH & I are and being away from us. I'm not sure if it's an age thing or a post lockdown spending 24/7 together as a family thing.
DD has also done a lot of hanging around at home not doing much, as have all of her friends so has exhausted many of the at home options. Then there's the developmental aspect. Pre-lockdown 1, she and her best friend could spend hours playing with small world toys (Sylvanian family type thing). They have completely outgrown that now but, due to lockdowns, this hasn't been a gradual phasing out but a sudden end... and they're not quite sure what to replace it with.
She would have been over tired and they’d had enough of each other that’s all. She was rude but I bet she feels really bad now. It’s honestly nothing you’ve done!
Thankyou for all your comments. I realise now she was here too long. I usually always set a home time about 10ish but didnt this time as wasnt sure how long theyd sleep in. I wont be making the same mistake again! I think it was the eye rolling and storming off thats got too me i'd be mortified if i knew one of mine did that. I know its a tricky time with secondary school looming in sept for them and all the upheavel of the last year. Ive spoken to my dd and shes ok and thats the main thing
My dd 11 y6 had a sleep over last week. She came at 4pm they went to see ducks and park on scooters whilst I was wfh. I ordered a dominoes. They did tiktoks and watched TV etx. We went to see cruella got back at 1030 pm. They stayed up til 1am then next day up at 8am and out at 10am for a walk. They was getting bored at this point. We then went for afternoon tea at 12pm with my mum. I was planning on taking her home but she didn't wanna go home. So then we went to pub had a drink. Youngest came home as she had stopped at inlaws for night. Then as her friend didn't wanna go home we went to mums park and then my mums where they had a magnum and a water fight. I sent the girl home at 5pm as I had had enough. Takes a lot of effort I find
I also straightened her friends hair with my ghds
Let the eye-rolling go. It'll be down to tiredness. They're still incredibly young.
Next time you see her, she'll be lovely, I'm sure.