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DD12 I need to rant!!(3 Posts)
You need to let her fail at times. And actually feel the consequences. Bad hygiene - she will get bullied. Stinkies are massively disliked. Broken/lost items - gone for good or need to be replaced with her own money. Failing at school - extra study time instead of tv or friends.
"...generally lying about things, having no sense of personal hygiene, forgetting things all the time and generally not giving a damn" ...the teen years! What worked with my DDs is more supervision and consequences, if you are not mature enough to do it on your own it means mom still needs to keep a close eye on you. Forgetting things too often = loosing the possibility to manage or to make choices about that, mom will do it for you. Lying, no personal hygiene = about this stuff mom will monitor you all the time and she needs to have proof everything is done correctly. I would check her schoolwork and the google classroom everyday (you can access to that by your device) and maybe I would let her to use the iPad only for school work, then it's gone until she shows more attention to expensive stuff. The same, iPad out the case or on the floor = no iPad for x days/weeks. If you haven't already, put a parental control app on the iPad to check how she is using it and eventually to limit the screen time and to block inappropriate apps/websites, that could be the main cause of her bad behavior and not giving screen time at all (except for school apps) is the punishment that works the best for teens.
I know it's much more work for you, but believe me, more you are consistent with that more quickly she will act properly. I would have a big talk with her explaining she needs to change her behavior, she is showing no maturity for her age, mom loves her, trust her, mom supports and believes in her 100% ...but if she acts like a younger kid, mom will treat her as a younger kid.
Hope that helps!
At 8.20 this morning DD told me she needed an apron, container, dishcloth and tea towel to take to school for DT later this morning. I asked her did She also need ingredients and she said no it just said on her timetable to take the things She had mentioned. I told her to check google classroom just to be sure .
8.30 am I find her in the bathroom brushing her hair. I ask again about ingredients and she mutters something like 'I'm just not going to do
It today anyway'
I tell her to show me google classroom do she brings her iPad over.
Lo and behold there's a long list of ingredients She needs for a class starting at 10.30, half of which I don't have.
Then I see her IPad screen has several large cracks on it.
I bought it her for Xmas and can never usually afford to buy something like that brand new but was able to last year. I also brought her a case to put it in. I'm constantly saying to her ' put your iPad back in its case', constantly.
Turns out it was on her bedroom floor and she stepped on it and cracked it. She then told me she was sad when it happened. I think that was her apology!!
To cap it all she came home from school yesterday and was upset because she'd got detention anc the teacher had shouted it out in front of the whole class. She said it was because she'd got a zero in a maths test and the teacher had said she'd obviously made no effort.
When I checked her online school system this morning turns out it was because she hadn't done 2 lots of homework.
All this on top of her generally lying about things, having no sense of personal hygiene, forgetting things all the time and generally not giving a damn has just broken Me today.
I couldn't even look at her or trust myself to speak.
I know I'll get over it and have already calmed down and started thinking of a suitable punishment etc but she went to school and I just cried. I never normally do that but I'd just had enough today.
Thanks if you've managed to get through all that. I just needed a small rant.