12 yo DD, help!

[BaconAndAvocado]

I have two older sons and it was never like this!

She has changed from a loving, sweet, hardworking child into a stroppy, at times very rude and uncaring girl.

I try and be patient but I sometimes lose it with her.

She is in Year 8 and, although she took a while to settle in Year 7 and then the breaks from school life, she has a good group of friends.

I know the teenage years are supposed to be tricky but she’s not even 13 yet and I’m struggling.

[Nyfluff]

In my experience it gets a lot better around 15

[BaconAndAvocado]

So 3 years to go!!!

[BaconAndAvocado]

She hasn't started her periods and I wonders whether and/or how that will change things???

[Hellcatspangle]

Just because she hasn't started her periods doesn't mean she's not hormonal...maybe she is about to start soon and it will settle down when she does. When did she start being like this?

[BaconAndAvocado]

It started to escalate a few months ago.
I find I'm always walking on eggshells around her in case I say the wrong thing or dh t say the right thing.
It makes me so sad to say this but it honestly makes spending time with her difficult as it's often fraught.
I really want to be close to her but I can't see how.

[BaconAndAvocado]

Bump

[Mamamia35]

Mine is 11 and exactly the same. Tired of getting my head bitten off. It's not pleasant. And I'm peri menopausal so a hormonal catastrophe all round. I feel your pain.

[BaconAndAvocado]

Mamania I'm also peri menopausal. It's a bloody nightmare 😳

[Mamamia35]

BaconAndAvocado for yourself, it's worth listening to the Louise Newson podcasts. Inform yourself and enquire about HRT from your doctor. I've been on it a few months and can notice a difference in my body.

[Pinkyxx]

@BaconAndAvocado I'm having the exact same experience right now, and for the last I'd say 10 months. Mine's year 7... just started her periods a couple of months ago.

It's just awful, literally walking on egg shells and having my head bitten off non-stop. I've tried to ask what it is I'm doing which is bothering her quite so much & how I can help, but she doesn't know what it is, and feels no one can help - she's just a ball of angry/sad emotion. It's quite frankly heart breaking to watch, and be a part of.

I'm hoping some wise MN's will come along with words of wisdom and I've run out of ideas as well..

[parapluiepliant]

Hi I know this thread is a few months older but I’m going through the same and it’s horrific. Just wanted to send you solidarity. My gorgeous kind, funny, clever daughter hates me with venom. I also blame social media and have confiscated her phone. It’s made things even worse. We’re at breaking point x

[househuntinginthesouth]

I don't have any advice but my DD is exactly the same. I can't believe how much she has changed recently and feel quite sad as she used to be so sweet and kind and now is very selfish and rude a lot of the time. I keep trying to remind myself I was probably the same at that age, all the hormonal changes that they can't control plus the craziness 2020 onwards with covid, lockdowns, school being on/off etc....but my goodness she is hard work now and very stressful so I totally sympathise

[R0tational]

I am very worried about how I will cope as a single parent with MH issues of my own. I have come to my bedroom as I feel attacked and moaned at non stop which isnt great. Dont really know how to move forward.

[Mamamia35]

@R0tational you have done the right thing to retreat to another room. We've had so much confrontation when I hang about, I find leaving and ignoring is the best way of dealing with it (easier said that done though). This time will pass. It reminds me of the toddler days only they are much better with the wounding vocabulary. Everybody I speak to is suffering similar antics.

[bendmeoverbackwards]

All very normal, they become like toddlers again.

They’re going through a massive shift and take it out on parents as a safe outlet.

Re the not saying the right thing - my advice would be to avoid too much general conversation. Let them initiate things if they want to talk. When their brains are in a whirl and having to deal with hormones, school, friendship issues and so on, sometimes a simple question from a parent can tip them over the edge.

Be around in the background. Let them know you love them unconditionally even with the outbursts. I often send my dd a text or WhatsApp saying I love her or a silly or cute GIF saying good night. She likes that.

[bendmeoverbackwards]

And it’s normal to find your parents highly annoying. Think Kevin the teenager. They’re starting to prepare for leaving the nest.

[Passthecake30]

I find my dd (11) gets worse when she eats a lot of sugar. Sometimes she has a bad day/experience and has an immense sugar craving, so I’m trying to explain about sugar highs/lows and trying to tackle it with her diet.

[ShonkyCat]

I am finding things really hard with my 12-year-old at the moment. She barely tries to do her schoolwork, is completely chaotic, and then wants me to sort out her mess when she has inevitably forgotten/lost something.

All this and her attitude is just awful. I am not enjoying parenting her at all at the moment and that makes me sad.

[TheTurn0fTheScrew]

I have found my people. I am having daily rows with my 11yo, who is on a hair trigger at the moment. Very self absorbed as well - this morning's row included "you never do anything for me" as I was in the car driving her to her favourite activity, having missed Parkrun to do so.

For those worrying that perimenopause perhaps making them oversensitive, I wondered this. But I am now on a fabulous dose of HRT, and feeling great, but the preeteen rows continue unabated. It's them, not us!