(3 Posts)
Yellowfish2020 Fri 30-Apr-21 16:23:46

11 year old step daughter just can't stop lying. She's only recently come to live with us full time as her mother is just not able to offer her a safe upbringing (social services and courts all agree). She's great, we have fun, but she lies about everything, even things that are unimportant and clearly won't get her in trouble.
I'm not sure how to handle this, whether we do damage by being too heavy handed, but equally we have tried the softly and understanding approach.
This morning she lied that she had eaten breakfast. Previously it was that she was wearing new trousers not the ones from yesterday and that she didn't know how yesterday's must have got back on the hanger. So it's stupid stuff, inconsequential. And that's what bothers me. She will look you in the eye and say black is white. Over nothing. This is also a trait of her mothers who has real mental health issues.
Her one 'thing' is PlayStation. Her dad is all in favour of taking all screen access from her. At a loss as to what else to do. Have tried to explain and articulate why truth and trusting relationships are important- but it doesn't make a difference. Some of the stuff she's lying about is really odd - saying she is wearing black trousers when they are grey (this is not a vision thing - there is a clear difference) and I just don't know what to do. As a step parent without my o an kids, I'm not sure how unusual this is and how to deal with it.
It does seem 'wilful' so understand the punishment approach - but it's the 'type' of lie that seems more like a much younger child that worries me

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Kijaji Fri 30-Apr-21 17:04:55

It is not unusual, my 14 year old DS does this all the time and it winds me up, you will watch him do something and he will swear blind he hasn't! I think it's just their age, they don't think they do anything wrong or just don't like to admit it, my advice is to pick your argument otherwise you will just spend all day arguing and it becomes mentally draining, I'm hoping it's a trait they will eventually outgrow!!

Yellowfish2020 Fri 30-Apr-21 17:09:05

Thank you so much for sharing. Honestly - i think it's making me lose my own mind sometimes! It's like unintentional gaslighting when they look you in the eye and tell you what you have just seen is not real!

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