Stroppy 12yr old girl

[Estherpologist]

Any tips on how to "negotiate" with a 12yr old daughter who has no interest in negotiating. Try and have a conversation about behaviour and she just gets dismissive and aggressive.

I can live with Kevin & Perry sulks, a bedroom like a pig sty, not putting plates in the dishwasher. But dealing with things like getting out of bed, going to bed, having a shower, personal hygiene, rudeness, and a depressing lack of integrity is just a nightmare.

I know pre-teens and teens push limits, but there are days when my limits get very close. I can't even count how many times I've heard that she hates me or I hate her or I've never loved her or she's never loved me or every thing I do is just to make her miserable. I know she's just a kid, but this wasn't in the Parenting Sales Brochure.

[Christmasfairy2020]

Hmmm. My 11 year old ive put a screen timer on her ipad and phone. Last week I was the worst mum ever and she hated me. Also I now refuse to feed her in her room. She wants food she comes downstairs.

[bubblebath62636]

I have similar op, my dd wants to stay in her room all day and watch YouTube. God forbid she even leaves the house sometimes.

Are screens an issue?

I've banned YouTube/phone use from the hours of 1-6 as dd was getting stroppy when asked to do anything.

DD needs to do a household task then we do something together. Most of the time she moans but I think it's important we still have time together.

Mine also has no interest in personal hygiene therefore I have to constantly remind her to brush her teeth and was her face etc.

What does she like to do? Anything you could do together?

You have my sympathies, I could scream sometimes!

[Christmasfairy2020]

I'm wfh so stay in your room and be quiet works well for both of us I have just enforced a bath though by saying I will.block your ipad

[Estherpologist]

Screens are a factor. Unfortunately there's precious little else she wants to engage with and if we lock them she just retreats to her room and slams the door. When she is in a good mood she'll say she'll do stuff, but it's always mañana.

Neither sanctions nor incentives seem to make a difference - she doesn't care and would rather sulk than make 10% effort to get what she wants.

[wigjuice]

3 sons, youngest who is now 15 and I'm going through this yet again. 3rd time around and it's still not easy, though I now find humour helps a lot, incentive too. I banned food in the bedrooms, became rigid in insisting washing etc was brought down. No freetime until chores were done, ignore the grumbling and just tell them to get on with it. I did fine one of them for having to sort their bombsite of a bedroom once. My two eldest are on the otherside of all this now and both are rather decent happy human beings.

[Estherpologist]

@wigjuice how long did it take your boys to get through it? Even if it's different for girls.

[wigjuice]

It started slowly, but by the time they hit 16 and they started to have to look out for themselves more. I think giving them more responsibilities helped. I do think after all 3 it was largely down to their hormones. My best friend has 3 girls and they did seem a lot more complex.

[Estherpologist]

16!? We may not all live to see that.
#imjokingobviously

[Petalpup]

I have one of these too. It’s just so wearing trying to get her to do anything which doesn’t involve sitting by herself-often with a screen, sometimes with a book or drawing stuff which doesn’t seem quite so bad but only ever on her terms.
Sulks, strops, mess... I always thought the baby stage was the hardest but this is getting pretty close