Online friends

[Sunnydays999]

What are the rules ? It’s new to me as my older child never got into this . My daughter is nearly 12 and has online friends . I often say you don’t know it could be a man etc in part jest / part serious . We don’t allow face book or Instagram yet but the online friends are everywhere on online games . What are you’re rules . I seem to be out of touch with it all so don’t know where to draw the line

[BackforGood]

Well, mine are all older now, but I would still be insisting that they only have friends that they know in real life, and have met in person at a school / hobby / through family and then they might be able to talk on line after that.

Same rule as I apply to my own friends lists.

[Sunnydays999]

That is my initial thought . My Older son thinks I’m unreasonable as having friends on games is normal now ? It’s just so different I don’t even play online games . My other concern is she would try to hide it . Currently she chats about them , and I will say how do you know this is true extra . I totally agree with you but I’m worried about closing down conversation

[Sunnydays999]

Sorry for the ramble ! I do agree with you as my initial view - I’m just concerned she will hide it as she gets older - or that we will loose the open ness

[CassiaLime]

I am battling this currently with my 14 year old. He has plenty of 'real' friends but this has come to a head as I've gone through his messages and found out he's been sent explicit images. By a 13 year old girl who's just a stranger online and happens to play he same game as him. And this appears to be the norm. He knows not to send this stuff but I'm unhappy he's on the receiving end of it ... and yep, it's girls who are doing it as much as boys. My DS has never done it but only because he knows I'd go absolutely nuts.

So we are due to have a chat about this later and I'm going to ask him to stop picking up random people online. I say 'ask'... I'm actually TELLING him it stops now but in such a way that he's on board etc etc

It seems to be becoming more prevalent though and I don't like it. I'm treading the fine line of not wanting to invade his privacy and actually doing my job as a parent and, right now, with a young ish teen, it's fine to put a stop to it so in your case, that's what I'd be trying to do

[CassiaLime]

I've just seen your daughter is only 11. There'd be no navigating of the issue in my house - she's very vulnerable online and you need to just tell her no.

[Sunnydays999]

Do you let them talk to other friends on line ? Is that something that routinely happens ?

It must of been difficult for you with the pictures , I really don’t know how you deal with that .

[Sunnydays999]

I hope you’re talk goes well

My worry is she will be secretive . At the moment she will say this girls from say America for example, and she will chat to me about what they talk about . Normally stuff to do with the game . This is much harder than I thought it would be

[SSwimCycle21]

Is this any help www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/talking-child-online-safety/ it’s not easy I’ve got two girls and I felt like I was the only parent in my 13yr group who held out on Instagram until she was 13. They primarily use it to secret message each other but the other parents seem oblivious to it. I just kept having an open and honest conversation with her on the wider impact of stuff now and negative online presence in her future career. I’ve got a younger daughter who is getting a lot more exposure at 9yrs as her sister shows her stuff I fear the pressure to let her have more access younger is going to be hard as she’s a lot more likely to be secretive. Hope you can keep chatting to your daughter.

[Christmasfairy2020]

My dd isn't allowed them in fact she rings her friends and plays games. But hasnt recently its more tiktok. I've told her all them friends are grown men wanting to hurt her and meet her and yes I have explained grooming.

[GreenBalaclava]

I have two teens and a pre teen. At 11, I'd say she's only allowed to be friends with people she knows in real life.

[Yellowfish2020]

Agree with pp - age 11 here and only allowed people she knows in real life