10 year old bedtime problems

[themusicmum]

Our ds is 10 andwon't go to bed at night. His bedtime is hcj of fthe tech and read unti l9 pm. However, he will just hang around us all night, unti lwe go to bed and won't go to his room or to bed at all when asked. How do I fix this?

[Seeline]

What are the consequences for him not doing what he is told?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Sorry I don't quite understand some of your text.

What is his bedtime?

[themusicmum]

I have not worked out wha tto do about it yet. I tried sending him to bed earlier but he still does the wrong thing.

[BlueChampagne]

Sounds like he wants more of your company. Worth offering to read him a bedtime story (once all tucked up in bed)? My 10yo still loves having someone read to him.

[Aquamarine1029]

Be the parent, take control, and send him to bed. If he leave his room there needs to be consequences. Make it very clear that is non-negotiable.

[themusicmum]

Bedtime is 9 pm. we spent all day every day with him [homeschooling ti lnext year due to covid] we won't even go to his room ... what consiquences do you suggest?

[Aquamarine1029]

what consiquences do you suggest?

What does he love the most? No tv, no games, no internet, whatever. If he doesn't do as he's told, he doesn't get to do what he enjoys. Simple.

[mynamesnotsam]

Is he tired at 9pm? Do you have to wake him up next morning or does he wake himself? My DS could never sleep if his bedtime was too early and would just lie in bed getting annoyed and upset until he finally dropped off to sleep. Moving bedtime later helped. Also if he is at home is he burning off enough energy during the day? Is he getting plenty of fresh air and running around to tire him out?

[InTheLongGrass]

How much sleep is he getting?
My just turned 11 year old is now at lights out at 9.30 - and is usually up again at 6am. And when not at school due to lockdown or isolation, can be even less sleep than this.
He may simply not be tired - in which case a later bedtime, or a sufficient amount of quiet stuff to do in his room might help.

If you honestly think he is fighting sleep, sure remove screens and the like, but if he just isnt tired I wouldn't punish him. Find a way evenings can work for both of you.

[drspouse]

Positive consequence: when he's in bed he can have a story read to him. If he stays in bed he can listen to a story on Bluetooth speaker/iPad if he'll not fiddle with it.

[Tempusfudgeit]

Does he have anxiety?

[Seeline]

Spending time with him home schooling is not the same as spending time with him, for him.

Perhaps he is missing social interaction if he is not at school, missing friends.

What is he doing during the day to make him tired? Does he get outside play, a good long walk?

[TooMinty]

@drspouse

Positive consequence: when he's in bed he can have a story read to him. If he stays in bed he can listen to a story on Bluetooth speaker/iPad if he'll not fiddle with it.

You can use the guided access setting on iPads to lock it to audiobook so unauthorised YouTubing is impossible 😊

[drspouse]

My DS uses that but he'd still spend hours fiddling with the screen so he has a Google Mini!

[TooMinty]

Fair enough! My DS lost interest when he realised he couldn't get to Ethan Gamer TV or whoever is currently the favourite...

[PurpleMustang]

Is he getting enough exercise? Enough downtime before bed? Does he get to spend downtime with you before bed? Does he want to talk, lots of kids like to talk about stuff at bedtime when they have your attention if your busy otherwise. You need to figure out why he is stalling, set time limits and get him to have input/compromise on the rules agree the consequences and stick to it

[Mary8076]

what conseiquences do you suggest?

Earlier bedtime for the next night, next night not in the bed at the earlier bedtime means earlier bedtime for more nights and grounding. It worked like a charm with my DDs.

[drspouse]

How do you enforce that? You can't tie him to the bed or lock him in his room.

[themusicmum]

Thank you forthe suggesttions. i don't expect him to actually sleep at 9 pm but I do expect he do quiet stuff in his room like reading. But he won't do that. We won't allow screen after 830 as we are already dealing with his gaming issues and have had to remove them a few times.

We do try get him out daily for exercise and socia linteraction.

I

[themusicmum]

I meant to add that no, he does not have anxiety and we do spend time before bed playing a board game which he likes. It's more thefact that he won't even do quiet stuff in his room at night which eats in to hubby and mine time at night.