Clothes woes

[Daffodil101]

Aaargh DD2 is almost 11, and she’s a nightmare to clothe. Does anyone else have this?

Recently complaining that her leggings don’t fit, I took this as a sign it was time to think about ordering clothes for the warmer weather.

Everything I choose or order is too dark/too colourful/too wrong. In December I had 15 dresses delivered and she really liked five of them. We narrowed it down to two of them, one cheapish, one really expensive - she wore the cheap one and later refused to wear the expensive one, which is still in the wardrobe with the label attached.

Doc marten boots £139, wore them once, they rubbed her heel a bit, refused to wear again or consider wearing them in.

She has no idea what she likes apart from wanting to wear sports tops and cropped tops with leggings, which don’t look good because she’s carrying a bit of weight around her middle, not helped by constant snacking during the current crisis, such that I had to hide snacks in the garage.

She also changes her mind constantly - in January she wanted white jeans, which weren’t in the shops. I ‘held that thought’ until April, however the the Next site was then closed due to Covid. I set my alarm at 6.30am last week to get a delivery slot, had white jeans delivered and she doesn’t like them/doesn’t know why I bought them.

I sent her out shopping in January with her big sister, however she returned with all sorts of unsuitable clothes like a summer dress and tartan leggings from H and M. The leggings were ok but she had no suitable top that matched, hence they’ve also been sitting in the wardrobe.

She had a lovely hoodie which she lost. Ive just shown her 152 hoodies online, she doesn’t like any of them. She’s now saying she doesn’t need any new clothes. She’s lost her swimming costume (which definitely fits) so she was annoyed when she had no costume to play in the garden with the hose. I dug our her big sister’s old Speedo costume, she complained it was too plain. I ordered another and she pulled a face saying it was a bit too bright.

I’ve tried to explain that she will need clothes for warmer weather. I find everything is out of stock if you leave it too late. She is driving me batshit with this clothes thing. I realise this makes her sound like a brat. Perhaps she is. She’s happy actually to sit around in pyjamas all day, and she’s really messy and forgetful.

Anyone else?

[NuffSaidSam]

She's 10.

Stop enabling this ridiculous behaviour.

[TheLongDarkBreakfastTime]

When she next complains she has no shorts / tops / dresses sit down with her and let her browse suitable (cheap) sites. Make it clear she can choose one top, or one pair of shorts and that’s it. They get overwhelmed with choice and narrowing it down to the one item she has decided she needs right now helps.

You can ‘reluctantly’ allow her another item if she’s super keen. Basically, make new clothes something she has to wait for and ask for, not something you’re trying to impose.

I suspect she may be picking up on your negative view of her body (“carrying weight around her middle”), too, which is making the whole task of buying clothes very emotionally loaded for her.

[Sittinonthefloor]

Don’t buy her clothes till she’s grown out of them, then let her choose from a small selection or one shop. We don’t many clothes at the moment! Buying 15 to choose and send most back seems insane!

[madnessitellyou]

My 12 year old is like this and has had a very strange relationship with clothes since she was a toddler. I think it’s largely a sensory thing. She’s slowly getting there in terms of actually finding stuff she’ll wear and I try to be as chilled as possible. I let her experiment.

[madnessitellyou]

And please don’t draw attention to her weight.

[Daffodil101]

No, I’ve never drawn attention to her weight. I work in mental health so it’s a big thing for me, however equally I won’t her her go out in a bra top and leggings, which is basically what she’d like to do.

I think perhaps that’s good advice about just leaving it and letting her choose one or two things. I’m a ‘plan ahead’ person and I’ve spent years planning ahead for the kids clothes, making sure they’ve got enough summer clothes etc.

Easier when they are little, though interestingly she’s also had issues around texture of clothes, but more recently. I find it very wearing!

[madnessitellyou]

We find Primark a good place for her - she lives in leggings/jogging bottom type things and sweatshirts or hoodies. She prefers plain and unfussy and we can find some good basics there.

[Daffodil101]

Thanks madness - do they have online open?

[madnessitellyou]

I’m not sure they do. I think dd has already investigated this as she wants some new stuff!

[jamcircuit]

I think you are overthinking the whole thing. She wanted white jeans in January and she’s moved on now, that’s why she didn’t know why you’d got them.

She is only ten so she doesn’t know that one dress is more expensive so she should be wearing it.

You’ve spent years planning ahead for kids clothes....and it’s not working for her. You are making it into something it’s doesn’t need to be. In reality you can just go and get clothes when she needs clothes. Well, not now obviously.

[jamcircuit]

Try New Look and H&M.

[Daffodil101]

ill Have a look at HandM online yes

[HotCrossBungle]

Awww I feel for you both, similar situation here, slightly older DD. Mine wants to wear manga style clothes that are nigh on impossible to get in the UK (and awful tbh) and regularly sends me pics from Pinterest from websites in China. Thank GOD for school uniform. I think it's such an odd age, trying to find their 'style' moving away from 'childish' clothes. Leggings and hoodies and t shirts have to be very specific in terms of colour, material, motifs etc.

There is a definite gap in the market for this age, my DD is now in women's size 8 but she hates most 'grown up' clothes and the kids stuff is either too small or too babyish. Currently living in shorts (cut off tracksuit bottoms) or leggings and t shirts/hoodies and 2 dresses that took forever to find. She had a clear out and most of her summer clothes from last year (that still fit) have been put in the charity bag - she LOVED them at the time but now says they're not really her.

I love clothes so am happy to let her experiment but I feel your pain!

[malificent7]

I would ebay the DM boots and the expensive dress. Dd has a very specific dress sense and can be like this...sigh.

[malificent7]

She is also 11.

[groovergirl]

I think it's such an odd age, trying to find their 'style' moving away from 'childish' clothes.

This! My DD is 12 and wants to wear T-shIrts and shorts every day even though it's cold and wet here. (I'm in Australia.) She now wears a women's size 8 too. When she asks for something I show her how to research options online, and if she sees something suitable we visit the store and try it on. We also like the charity shops.

I've learned not to overthink buying clothes for her. She's old enough to choose her own clothes, with some guidance. Leggings and T-tops seem to be what this age group lives in.