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How to help 10 yr old DD through this(3 Posts)
I am looking for some words of wisdom on how to support my lovely 10 year old through what has been and is a really challenging time.
Covid 19 aside, in the last six months she has lost her grandma, her uncle and I was ill and hospitalised for a period of time, and she has been so resilient and mature about all of these situations, then covid 19 comes along, she is pulled out of school, after studying for her SATs, not knowing if she will see her friends that she has known for the past six years again...
Again, she is coping well, but there have been some significant changes to her behaviour... she is starting to be cheeky, she is talking in a baby voice, she grabs onto me and grabs my skin and demands hugs, but physically hurting me in the process, and she is now resident in my bed at nights.
I'm not at my end of despair, I just want to be able to help her verbalise what is going on, or at least feel safe, I don't know what to do to help her... The only time she seems relaxed is when she is watching youtube or playing games, so I have extended her screen time at the moment.
At the moment i have a couple of options open (in my mind)
1. I try to make her life more structured into a school day style timetable (not a teacher by trade though)
2. Myself and her father co-parent, I discuss with him lifting her very restrictive phone and device rules a little to allow her more ability to communicate with the outside world and her friends, who are all on whats app, facetime and tik tok
I would love some more ideas or just some general advice, she's an only child, and quite mature in a lot of ways, but not socially, shes always been the very youngest in class and this shows where she is socially in comparison with her peers, she hasn't earned our trust to be let loose online, as she has gone against the rules on several occasions (which is fine, i expect it)
I just want to be able to help her feel safer, happier or just ease the anxiety for her.
Sorry for the long post.
I find we often relax rules and boundaries after a period of stress, and lets lots of things go that we wouldn't normally.
The best thing to do is get back to normal, sleeping in her own bed, usual routine and lots of hugs but not if it hurts you. It sounds like she is craving boundaries and comfort in equal measure, you can do both, and as a parent we need to show children that they are safe with us. Her age is the beginning of the pre teen stage, and cheekiness needs consequences, gently at first, but she does need to know your expectations.
Mostly she will be taking her cue from you as to what CV, so keep things upbeat and positive, show her the steps you are taking to ensure things run smoothly for you. Have some fun!
I would def relax the rules around chatting to friends, they will need to stay in contact more than ever with their friends. As long as you monitor who she is talking to, and how. For instance we don't use SM but children can call their friends or face time for a chat?
It is a short period of time when we will be spending a lot of time at home, it will soon be over, keep the news off, be reassuring and honest with her questions, get her into a good and solid routine during the day.
Children are very resilient, she will certainly need to be later in life, so this is an early life lesson and be glad for her.
I have been v strict with mine re internet & social media - but right now they need it. 10 yo dd zooms with her pals most days after school & it’s lovely to hear the giggles and meaningless chatter! Mine are finding it really hard to sleep though!