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How independent are your kids in mornings?(53 Posts)
I have 2 girls aged 10 and 12 and school mornings are an absolute nightmare!
We have to leave at 7.30am and as we live in a village with no bus route I have to drive them.
I get up at 6.15, their alarms go off 6.30 and I take them in a tea. They are supposed to be up and dressed by 7 but invariably I have to go upstairs umpteen times, end up telling and they eventually surface about 7.35. So far we have never actually arrived late but it is so stressful! Is this normal and what can I do about it? It's just me and them so no-one else to help. They go to bed at 8.30 but rarely settle to sleep before 9.30.
Why do they need to be up and dressed at 7 if they don’t leave the house until 7.30?
So they can have breakfast and make sure they have things ready for school.
I wake my 11 year old at 06:45 unless she's already up - breakfast and wibbling until 07:15, upstairs to get dressed and brush teeth etc, 7:30 - 08:30 is music practice (two instruments) over which there is no choice, 08:35 cycles to school.
She's been self-regulating this since she was around 9 years old. Pinch points are realising the time at 07:15 so we have an alarm set, and the faffing around getting dressed and brushing teeth etc... which should take minutes but always takes longer which is why it has a 15 minute window.
No yelling happens but small reminders of 'you have 5 minutes' help.
Why not have breakfast first - they’ll feel the urgency for getting dressed more if you actually need to leave.
And have things ready the night before.
I've tried breakfast first but it's the actual getting out of bed they seem to struggle with! Even for their favourite breakfast. Some things can't be put in bags till morning, e.g laptop and phone charged overnight.
Ds is at his most organised in the mornings and then it goes downhill from there 😀
He wakes up naturally every morning at 6 ish, makes his own breakfast (cereal generally), gets dressed and gets his school bag regularly. Then he sits in his coat until it is time to leave for the school bus, generally in his coat. He leaves at 7:40. He has just started secondary school so he is 11.
When I say it goes downhill from there, it really does! He isn’t anything like as organised around anything else at any other time of day. He has always been a very early riser and I think he peaks before 7:30 am.
My 6 and 3 year old get up and dressed (I help 3 yr old a bit) then down for breakfast by 7:30am.
I wouldn't take in a tea for them and set a second alarm which means get up and dressed- we use a sticker chart if they're up and in time- could you do some reward? I refuse to nag. We have actually been late for school and they had to go through the office- they were not happy so that's a great incentive for them to move in the morning!
I get my dd 13 up at 7.30 and she needs a bit of gentle reminding/nagging to organise herself. My dd 11 flies out of bed at 7am, gets her own breakfast, sorts her stuff out and leaves at 8am when her friend arrives, they walk to school.
Different personalities, one is super organised, one is not
I have a 14, a 12 and an 8 year old.
I knock on their doors, say good morning and turn their lights on at 5:55am
I have a quick shower and get dressed (takes 10 minutes)
At 6:05 I go to each of their rooms and tell them it's really time to get up now.
DD (14) goes to shower if she didn't the night before, and sometimes even if she did (12 and 8 year olds almost always stick to evening shower or bath).
I comb my hair, put my contact lenses in etc.
I go back to each room and warn them to be moving as I am going downstairs.
I go downstairs and make coffee, usually put breakfast stuff on the table and move their packed "lunch" (second breakfast) and water bottles into their bags, because I'm nice like that (if I'm on an early or not back from a night DH is on morning duty and doesn't do anything with their food and they help themselves).
The boys are downstairs within 5 minutes of me, DD sometimes spends longer doing her hair but only 5 minutes longer - she never eats breakfast because it makes her feel sick (DH is the same) but takes a snack and eats a big lunch later.
Boys (12 and 8) eat breakfast at about 6:15
Older 2 (14 and 12) leave the house at 6:30 to catch their bus - they have it coordinated like synchronised swimming, and meet same age siblings from 30 meters down the street at the end of our drive and walk together.
Dc3 (8) finishes breakfast more slowly, reads to me for 10 minutes, needs a bit of a reminder to brush his hair, leaves at 6:50 for his bus.
The older 2 are almost completely independent really, although 12 year old likes to complain about getting up I just say yep, nobody over the age of 10 likes getting up but we all have to. 8 year old is a bit scattier but moves faster...
My 11 and 13 year old get up shower/dress make their own breakfasts and lunches if they need it, organise things pack bags and leave in time to get to school.
My 6 year old gets up and dressed independently I then make his breakfast and check his bag etc.
Mine are 13 and 11. Both have alarms, both set for 7.15. They have to be at school for 8.45 and it's a 15-20 min walk.
Sometimes I have to wake them up, but once they are awake they are quite good at getting themselves ready, breakfasts, bagels ready and out the door.
However they haven't always been like this! Every morning ending up in me screaming at them to get up, get dressed etc
I started staying in bed and leaving them to it, meaning they were late for school and had detentions. They soon got sick of that as detentions also equal no xbox etc
So now apart from the odd time I have to wake them up, they sort themselves out!
Completely on their own from 11 here.
Only one dependant now, but a boarder so she too is completely independant.
We never did that getting them up and packing stuff reminding and stuff, it's up to them.
Once they've been in trouble, they tend to get it together.
Dd is 6.5 and she gets herself sorted apart from her hair (which she brushes but I plait)
DS Is 4 and hates getting dressed so I will help him at times and let him pull on his pants and shoes by himself.
They will brush their teeth last thing and get their lunch boxes and wait by the door to go. We get up at 7.10 and leave at 8/8.10
Dd yr 7 alarm set for 6, out of bed about 5 mins later, dresses has cornflakes, brushes hair etc, picks up bags that have been packed night before. Easily ready for leaving at 6.45 - she really doesn’t want to miss the bus! I do roughly the same & make her lunch if needed. I reminded her to check she’s got / done everything. Fingers crossed it lasts!
My 3, 4 and 6 yr old go down (ahead of me if it’s early) and I put breakfast out around 7.45. Then they dress themselves with minimum prompting while I sort the packed lunches and get the baby dressed. At 8.30 it’s teeth, shoes and coats for all and then out the door. It’s mostly fine but I do expect them to get up and do their clothes themselves.
I was like your daughters though! Altogether I was never brought a cup of tea!
Some people have to leave really early to my mind perhaps that’s why they struggle.
Do as much as you can the night before I guess. 6.30/7.30 is early to have to leave though.
Mine are 12 and 13 and have been getting themselves ready in time since about 7, we currently leave the house at 7am .
My alarm goes off at 6am,
Ds 12 wakes naturally about then, takes dog for a quick walk (15 minutes,) brushes teeth , gets breakfast, empties dishwasher...gets in car.
DD really struggles, l wake her if she is not up by 6.30 and then she gets right up, feeds guinea pigs, makes tea, brings one to me, gets in car.
All I do is shower and dry hair, put wash in machine, wipe kitchen down, ask briefly if everyone has instruments etc as we get in car.
BUT l have been training then for a long time, no TV, looking at phones, bags sorted evening before, rigid bedtimes.
If dd wouldn't get up after being asked twice, l would put all lights on and take her duvet off her...(never needed to do this though)
If l were you, no tea, stand over them repeating 'Get up now', hand them each item of clothing until dressed, march them downstairs,
it would only take a few minutes each child and the upside is that they would very fast get fed up with it and beg you to stop in which case you just say...
'Every time you are later than 7 downstairs you will have a week of me doing the wake up and dressing......
Keep phones in kitchen and scoop into your bag in the morning, so they cannot waste time on them.
I sometimes leave DD until 6.40 if she is fast asleep , but on the condition once l wake her she moves fast, she still feeds pets, dresses, gets tea and breakfast for the car in 20 minutes.
3 boys- 11 year old needs to be told over and over to get up! And throughout the morning to quicken his step. He's just so relaxed and chilled.
9 year old he's up and dressed down for breakfast. No bother. Odd time needs reminded what he needs that day (sometimes he reminds me lol)
5 year old (going on 30 😂) gets up and has breakfast and then gets dressed. Some mornings when I get back from the gym he's at the table eating his breakfast on his own. He loves his own space and doing things for himself. So, I let him work away (within reason)
Some mornings could be mental (rised voices) some mornings are chilled. If I were you I'd stop bringing them in tea.
I have two boys, 10 and 12. I have to take DS1 to the station 7.30am and no later. DH takes DS2 to breakfast club (not that he will eat their breakfast) at 7:50am.
10 year olds bedtime is 8.30pm. 12 year olds is between 9 and 10pm depending on what homework he has/if he has football training/if he wants to read or not.
DS1 is instructed to pack his bag and lay out his clothes night before.
DS2 doesn't need to pack a bag as all he needs is his reading book. I usually get his clothes out for him. Actually i just realised I meant for this to change when he hit 10, which was a couple of weeks ago.
I get up about 6.40am to sort out packed lunches (its all made the night before, but needs taking out of fridge and putting into boxes etc) get myself dressed and organised. Make sure DS1's phone is on the table for him (I take it off him the evening before)
DS2 is usually awake by 7am and tootles downstairs and turns on TV.
DS1 would stay fast asleep until 8.30 at least if he was able to.
I give DS1 a gentle first wakeup call about 6.55am. Possibly a second about 7:05 when I turn on the landing and bathroom light. Then I go in at 7.15 and tell him he absolutely has to get up right now. During this time I'm also chivvying DS2 to get his clothes on.
Sometimes he manages it, which gives him just enough time to dress, have breakfast, brush teeth and put on shoes.
Sometimes he doesn't, which means he is still not dressed at 7:23 and my blood pressure is rising. He then has to take his breakfast with him in the car.
DH wanders down at 7:29am and inevitably gets in the way of DS1 trying to get his shoes on, and asks if DS2 has had his breakfast yet. Nope, you sort that out. I'm gone...
11 year old gets up at 7:10. If he's tired he has to be woken, but usually he's up. Dp makes him a warm drink with ours. He gets his breakfast while we get showered etc and then we shout him at 7:35 to have his drink and come to get dressed. We leave at 8:10am. He does his bag the night before and just sorts his drink and a snack before we leave.
Mine are only 8 but I got so sick of shouting at them they know hey have to ready to leave by 730, if not they go d they really, even if in pjs. They're still little do obviously I do their breakfast and make their lunch but they are responsible for getting dressed on time and doing their teeth. It's non negotiable if we leave any later I miss the train to work. If they are ready earlier they can watch tv.
Stressful mornings nearly sent me insane!