11 yr old DS - hard to deal with

[Deadsouls]

This is my first experience with a pre-teen. My DS is the eldest of two.
So I am just writing this out and wondering if those with experience, who have been through this, or are going through this can identify or perhaps reassure me that this is all normal!

My DS is now at secondary. He's always been a challenging child, very emotional, quick to anger, sensitive. He has however, become even more moody and grumpy.

Basically I find his attitude and manner quite unpleasant most of the time. I think he is rude and has a bad attitude. He talks back to me, is defiant, rude to his sister at times. He doesn't to understand why he can't go around being rude to people.

Homework is a bit of a battleground. He doesn't seem to care or put any effort into it, doesn't take any pride in his work. Just wants to get it done over quickly. I usually supervise his homework, and he gets really angry if I try to push him to make more effort. Ditto school, he's not very academic, so seems to resent going there and has had quite a few detentions already. Not for serious things but things like not writing homework down properly, being surly or sulky to a teacher and so on. It's all very frustrating as he continually undermines himself and makes life hard for himself.

I should mention that he has help for emotional difficulties from the SENCO in primary and the interventions continue in secondary.

DS is not really interested in much except for playing football and fortnite. We sometimes have a battle getting him off it. When I encourage him to do anything else, he says he hates it. Basically he 'hates' most things at the moment.

There are moments when the sweetness of my DS, his intelligence, sensitivity and humour shine through. Those moments are few and far between right now. Sometimes he loves been cuddled and read to in bed. So it feels that there are two parts to DS.

A lot of time, I find him a pain and am quite relieved when he goes to school and there's no tension in the house for a bit.

This is all un-chartered territory for me. I try different approaches, but i'd say normally end up getting annoyed or angry, things escalate and we argue. It's really draining and a bit miserable.

Thank you if you've read this far, it's good to write it down. I'm a lone parent too with no male in the house.

[Aventurine]

Could you ask the GP about getting help outside school for his emotional difficulties? Counselling or something. These might be causing his negative behaviour.

[charliebear78]

I am going through the same at the moment-He is my eldest too.
All he wants to do is play Fortnite and watch videos of it on Youtube.
He is moody and just not enjoyable to be around-tells me and his Dad to shut up etc...
He has had three after Schools so far and I have to nag and nag him to do Homework-If I didn't he just wouldn't do it.
We are in the progress of getting him assessed for ADHD.
I t is sad because he just doesn't want to know us and to be honest it is far easier just to let him sit on his Xbox because he is no fun otherwise and can be very rough/nasty to his little brother,and all that happens is a row between us all.

[Juanbablo]

Ds1 is very difficult at the moment. Yr 6, just turned 11. He's rude, angry and uncooperative. It's horrible and I can't see where I'm going wrong because we don't treat him like that and I'm pretty certain it's only us he's like this with.

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’m in exactly the same situation OP except my ds is 10.
Where we went on holiday this year had no internet - too remote - and ds left his computer charger at home. The first two days were hell but by day 3 ds has turned back to normal funny sunny child.
Since then he gets 1 hour screen time a day (using a cooking timer ) after homework and food. And if he is rude or uncooperative, he loses that for 24 hours.
It is exhausting to hold that line. We still have the occasional tantrum and I am “completely evil” but at least now it is said with humour. He’s sleeping better and reading too.