I've name-changed as this is sensitive and I don't want to take the (admittedly slim) risk of anyone putting two and two together from other threads to identify DD.
My 12 year old DD confided to a friend a few weeks ago that she had been self-harming using a compass. Luckily she chose a good friend to tell, as the friend took her to a teacher to discuss it and the safeguarding department of school informed me.
I took her to the doctor the next day. She has been referred to the local CAHMS. I haven't heard from them yet.
I've been into school and some things have been put in place for her. She will attend a health and wellbeing group at school and she has a pass to go to the SEN space in school if she is feeling overwhelmed. The safeguarding lead and the doctor gave her some helpline numbers and I have helped her put them into her phone and told her that it is fine for her to phone them if she needs to talk to someone but doesn't feel comfortable confiding in me.
I have been approaching by being calm and loving and open as much as I can, offering for her to tell me how she is feeling and not being judgemental. I helped apply antiseptic cream to where she had scratched herself (all over her tummy, her chest, her lower legs, her arms) without flinching or freaking out.
I asked the doctor about leaving her alone in her room and the doctor said that I still need to allow her to have that space and I can't be always checking on her! I am giving her that space, and though I have tried to remove anything in her room that's obvious, I guess she could always find something sharp if she really wants to. There are times that she is in the house alone when I am at work, which is worrying too.
Her dad and I are divorced. She spends most time with me but spends weekends and an evening a week with him.
The previous self harm has been while I've been in the house and she's been in her room, but I saw some fresh scratches on her arm today. At first she denied they were new scratches, but then irritatedly told me that she'd "had a moment". I managed to ascertain that this time she'd made the scratches on her arm with a knife when she was at an event at the house of one of her dad's friends (boring party, no other kids there, she squirrelled away a knife from one of the drawers and hid herself away to scratch herself). I've asked her whether she knows what sparked off her wanting to do it. She completely shut down and said she didn't want to talk about it.
I've backed off, which I'm finding scary, but I don't want to mither her about this and make her feel pressurised and go more into herself. At the same time, if she doesn't talk to me about what is wrong I don't know how to help her. She and I have a close, loving relationship, but she has never found talking about difficult feelings easy - though I have always done my best to be open and calm and non-judgmental when we do talk about difficult things.
What can I do to help her? What can I do better?
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DD(12) self harming <may be triggering>
7 replies
MyLovelyGirl · 01/11/2018 15:25
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