Worried about 9 year old son

[SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy]

I'm sorry if this seems like a ramble - I'm worried that DS9 needs something that we are not giving him right now or that there is something we are missing;

• very clever and creative but puts in the bare minimum of effort to school work and is very untidy / scruffy in his presentation (handwriting is appalling and will score out stuff and cram in words etc)

• good at art, singing and anything computer based

• reported from school that he frequently clashes with other children and gets very angry and frustrated. Being sent out of class for arguing with other kids

• very hard to get him to be in any way organised or methodical, approaches everything in a very chaotic way

• loves to take care of children younger than him but struggles to relate to kids his own age, especially boys

• gets very stressed and anxious when he makes mistakes but can also be very vocal in arguing his point if he thinks something is unfair

• struggles to control himself physically and emotionally especially in classes that are more 'high energy' like drama or PE

I guess what's worrying me is the lack of academic progress despite how clever he is and easy he finds things - he's got the knowledge but his presentation is so crappy it makes him look less able than he really is. I'm also worried that he doesn't seem to have any friends. I just want him to fulfill his potential and be happy.

To complicate things slightly I think he has anxiety issues related to me being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer a couple of years ago 😔 He was at an age where he was so aware of it and I think it has affected him massively - I'm trying to get him some therapy or support.

If anyone has any tips or tactics I can use to try to help him they would be most gratefully received.....

[sirlee66]

I used to work with a boy who sounds fairly similar to your DS. He had mild autism so that might be something to look into? He was such a lovely boy but just struggled to relate to his class mates. He loved playing with the younger children though and was such a disorganized bee. He just couldn't work out why you would need to have things in a certain order to make them work. He was a lovely boy though, just like your DS.

[SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy]

Thank you Sirlee - I would not be surprised if it was something like that, he's an absolute sweetheart but very much struggles with body language / vibes IYKWIM? So if he's walking out of school and another kids shouts 'bye' to him he'll totally ignore them / not hear them until I tell him to say bye in return? Very very good with adults / strangers and very confident in meeting new people. He has NO self consciousness at all.

[RhubarbTea]

I could have written your OP. He sounds EXACTLY like my DS, also age 9. I also wonder if mine might have autism although its not something I've pursued as yet. Just want to let you know you're not the only parent fretting over this exact scenario.

[SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy]

Thanks Rhubarb, I've booked him some one to one therapy to try and help him deal with stress and hopefully increase his 'resilience' I'll let you know how it goes x

[Mrsfrumble]

He sounds so much like my boy, who is 7 and has recently been referred for assessment. The CAMHs psychiatrist who saw him at our initial appointment though mild/ high-functioning autism was a possibility, along with ADHD.

DS missed his first year of school as we were living abroad, and made brilliant progress in year 1 to catch up, but has now stalled a bit in year 2 due to a rather slapdash approach and a stubborn refusal to accept alternative ways of doing things. It's frustrating as he's obviously so bright!

Have you raised your concerns with your son's school OP? Do they think that there might be "something else" going on in terms of AN? I've been very impressed with how quickly the support staff at our school have caught on to DS's difficulties, despite them being quite subtle.

[Kayleigh1986]

This sounds like my 10yr old, I'm at a loss as to what to do x