Dd is refusing to see her dad

[tiny85]

Hi so our dd is 12 she is refusing to have contact with her dad, I'm trying my best to be middle man but finding it really hard to keep my cool.

I'm listening to her point of view and I 100% agree with her although I'm not saying that to dd. He is telling me he's not having her dictate to him what she wants and I should be telling her she has to see him.
He is going through carcass with his other son at this moment and keeps saying it's affecting his case etc and dd has to be there for his ds. He also wants me to tell her how would dd feel if he just cut her off?
He is very confrontational always has been and very demanding, I have bit my tongue over the last 11 years since we split which was due to emotional and physical abuse.
I have tried to encourage their relationship without my feelings disrupting it. But what can I do now she is seeing things for herself?
Dd is refusing to stay with him due to the way he treats everyone around him and I do understand that. But she is also refusing to have the normal Saturday visit too, he told me she legally has to see him until she is 16 and if he has to go the legal route he will and he will never let this go until she agrees to see him

I want to support dd 100% but I also don't want my feelings or opinions to get in the way and that's hard especially when he tells me dd is a spoilt brat etc, I'm trying to keep my cool and listen but it's so hard. I know we all say it but dd is great she's a dream at home and we have no issues, but he will not accept blame when he is wrong it's always everyone else's fault. and is now using her step brother as a weapon making dd feel bad. he told us today caffcass are asking where dd is during visits so dd is making his life hard by acting this way and refusing to see him.

Sorry if this is long and jumbled but I really do need advice it's now getting to the stage where he is demanding visits and starting blame me but I understand where dd is coming from she's determined she doesn't want to see him and the more she speaks to him the more she's deciding not to go.
What rights does dd have? What can I do?

[Love2cook]

I can't offer any advice on the legal side but I'd say if she doesn't want to go then you should support her 100%. Particularly if he has a history of emotional and physical abuse. The fact that she doesn't want to see him should be taken into consideration with caffcass and hopefully will stop another child being put in this situation. Can you imagine how upset she must be to refuse to see her own father, there is obviously something very wrong with his behaviour. I'm sure at her age, taking into account the reason for your separation, her feelings would be taken in to consideration if it went to court. I think forcing her to go would damage your relationship, she trusts you to protect her. I feel so very sorry for her. You really need to be strong for her. Her feelings must come first. Maybe take some initial legal advice so you just know where you stand for sure? Best of luck.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I haven’t been through this but I can see her point 100%. It sounds like you’ve both been through years of hell with this man. Like Live says, it must be pretty awful for his own DD not to want to see him.

I genuinely don’t know where you and DD stand on this one though. Hopefully this will bump for you and someone who knows more will come along soon

[NorthernSpirit]

This is a difficult one. Do you know the reason why she doesn’t want to visit her dad? Can the reason be addressed?

Contact orders run until kids are 16 and Judges are very pro contact now with the NRP. Her wishes would be listened to but wouldn’t be the deciding factor. A judge (if it went to court would decide) and they would look at how much contact they’ve had in the past.

Can it be worked through? Better that you can come to an agreement that works for you than being told what to do by a judge.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

How did you get on today @tiny85?