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When do you talk about puberty with your daughter?

(31 Posts)
TillyC1984 Sat 13-Jan-18 13:57:57

My daughter is 9, she’s a younger 9. She still likes her Sylvanian Family and playing with her ponies and I love that. These last couple of months she’s developed hair under her arm pits and is regularly getting pimples. Her emotions have been a little more volatile. She asked me why this is happening the other day when she was looking at her spots..... how much is enough information? Do I explain all of it? Is she too young to know?

thethoughtfox Sat 13-Jan-18 14:03:24

How can she be too young to know about puberty if she is actually going through it? You have to explain it all to her now or buy a book to look through together. Good luck!

thethoughtfox Sat 13-Jan-18 14:04:25

Tell her everything. My dd knows a lot of the basics and she is 4. I answer questions when she asks.

athingthateveryoneneeds Sat 13-Jan-18 14:07:41

She needs to know asap. Get a book if that might help? The Care and Keeping of You is nice, if a bit American.

halcyondays Sat 13-Jan-18 14:08:15

She needs to know now, especially since she's started developing and has asked questions. Sylvanian Family has nothing to do with it. Try getting some books out of the library and looking at them together. All girls should know about periods by this age, our school didn't do anything until last term of P.7, which is far too late.

GaraMedouar Sat 13-Jan-18 14:08:59

Definitely not too young at 9 and as she’s actively starting puberty now she does need to know about all the changes and what’s happening when her periods start etc.

megletthesecond Sat 13-Jan-18 14:11:14

Age of 7 when she started junior school. Best to give them the knowledge before it happens to them or their friends.

Battyoldbat Sat 13-Jan-18 14:11:37

From age 8 ish I think. I bought a book called all about girls or just for girls, something like that. It had info about biology and puberty but not much about ‘older’ issues (some I read which went into details about drugs, rape etc). We’ve talked about it many times since and consequently my now-7 year old has also known the details since about age 5. I don’t have periods so it never came up in a curiosity-type way but I wanted to make very sure they knew the facts way before it would be relevant to themselves.

Flisspaps Sat 13-Jan-18 14:12:48

My 7 year old has had a couple of books about puberty/sex for a while. She is occasionally a little smelly under the arms so has a roll-on deodorant to use if she likes and knows she needs to wash her pits.

She's seen me change pads and knows what they're for,

cantkeepawayforever Sat 13-Jan-18 14:16:51

If it is of any help, we do 'full puberty' talks for girls at school at the beginning of Year 5, when pretty much every girl is 9. They used to be done at the age of 10, but we found that was too late for at least some girls every year. 'Basic changes' - hair growth etc - are introduced in talks in year 4, so age 8/9.

IME it is rare for the lessons we give to be a girl's first information about this, though we still do it because it is important for every child to know, and we don't want anyone to 'slip through the net' for any reason, including parental reluctance to tackle the subject.

DD knew about periods from a young age - perhaps 6, maybe earlier? Sanitary products etc have always been present in our bathroom, and she was naturally curious about what they were for. She had also seen that my body was different to hers, and wanted to know why and when hers would change.

I don't quite understand what her choice of plaything has to do with her need to know basic information about human biology that is already affecting her? Knowing about periods isn't going to 'contaminate' her, or make her 'less innocent', or cause her to 'grow up', any more than knowing about dinosaurs or ballet or cars or football or skating or space or ponies will. It's all information about the world.

Natsku Sat 13-Jan-18 14:24:14

Definitely time to explain to her about puberty! Get some books on the subject if you find it easier that way.

I've been talking to DD about puberty for quite some time now (she's nearly 7), she likes best to talk about it when we're in the sauna (I guess the fact that we're naked and she can see the obvious differences sparks the questions!)

TillyC1984 Sat 13-Jan-18 14:27:29

@natsku did you use books? Any in particular? x

Playdohnut Sat 13-Jan-18 14:30:06

This "What's happening to me" Usborne book was good for DD.

TillyC1984 Sat 13-Jan-18 14:33:48

Thanks ladies. Just bought a couple of books from Amazon ready to cover the subject with her Monday. School haven’t talked about anything yet so at least she’ll be well informed when they discuss everything at school. My husband has asked me to keep this all quiet around our seven year old daughter but it appears from your posts that age seven is more then reasonable to learn about it too. I think it’s the ‘sex’ bit that is terrifying. Gee whiz... wish me luck.

athingthateveryoneneeds Sat 13-Jan-18 14:37:14

My dd was horrified when I explained sex. grin I didn't go into huge detail; I'm a believer in little chats here and there.rather than the Big Talk.

Flicketyflack Sat 13-Jan-18 14:39:51

Dd, now 13, knew all about puberty year 4/5. I answered questions as they arose eg she saw tampons in bathroom & I explained periods.

There is a really good book published by Osborne 'what is happening to me?'. Although the cover is somewhat gender specific I bought both (she has a younger brother) & she read them and asked questions .

Her brother, nine, is reading them now!

Also found 'The girl guide' more modern.

I always answered questions as they arose (from TV, their observations & things other children have told them).

I think it helped making an open conversation and being matter of fact. Dd has since started her periods & I have kept the conversation just as open letting her try different sanitary products and so forth. smile

Branleuse Sat 13-Jan-18 14:41:26

my daughter is 9 and ive been talking to her about it since she was 5 or 6, but she really got interested in it in the last year or two and read some books etc. I think youve left it quite late. Its really common for girls to have started puberty by 8 or 9. Usually a couple in every class at that age

Taffeta Sat 13-Jan-18 14:41:31

I gave both my DC the Usborne book when they were 7 (DD) & 9 (DS)

I spoke with both of them about it in a fair bit of detail at that time

With DD (11 now) I go over it and check understanding every year ( or when I think of it/ it comes up ).

She’s nowhere near puberty yet but still thought last time I checked with her the amount of blood she’d get during a period was equivalent to a nosebleed!

Branleuse Sat 13-Jan-18 14:42:20

you should talk to your 7 year old too. Its nothing shameful. Theyre not going to be going out having sex at 7 just because they know about periods

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow Sat 13-Jan-18 14:42:48

My dd is 7 next month and although we haven't discussed sex ( no need to yet imo ) she knows that mummy has periods and what that means and she will get them too.

I was an early developer, periods in year 6 with a big bust and hairs, I've no doubt my dd will be the same.

She knows that her body will change etc and has a teenage brother and has seen him recently get facial hair and for his voice to completely change.

BertrandRussell Sat 13-Jan-18 14:43:41

Start at about 2 and just keep going.

cantkeepawayforever Sat 13-Jan-18 14:46:49

Start at about 2 and just keep going.

Exactly. it's why I can't remember when DD knew - I answered every question she asked, when she asked it (within reason!) in a way that I thought was appropriate to her age but was always accurate.

DS was less curious, but was within earshot of quite enough of my conversations with DD to be fully informed.

chickensandbees Sat 13-Jan-18 14:48:49

Both mine know about puberty and sex. They are 6 and 9. They ask questions and I answer them. I agree small talks as and when are better than The Big Talk!!

They take it in their stride. Occasionally laugh and don't believe me but neither of them are scared by any if it.

Natsku Sat 13-Jan-18 14:51:26

TillyC She has the Hair in Funny Places book by Babette Cole which she loves but I haven't read it with her (as it's not in English, it's a translation, she read through it with OH's little sister instead), I find it easier just to explain things myself but will get some books that explain sex in an age appropriate way because I find that harder to talk about (sadly, still feel awkward from my mum's attempts to talk to me about it)

TillyC1984 Sat 13-Jan-18 14:51:59

My girls know about my periods and I’ve kind of answered the questions about why and that it happens when you’re older, but to them I think older means way older not something that’s actively happening to her so definitely need to go through some stuff with her ASAP x

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