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Help please!

(3 Posts)
Cbeeb1es Wed 08-Nov-17 15:15:15

I wonder if anyone can help me. My daughter’s birthday is on 1st December and my partner has refused to go to it. We were discussing what we were going to do and initially the plans were to go bowling. At first I said that she could bring four of her friends and then that increased to five which is now the final number. I told my partner this and he went mad saying that the plans for hr birthday always changed and that he was fed up of spending so much money. I asked him if he had any other ideas and he said no. He is adamant that he will now not be going whatever we do. He has also said he will not be contributing any money and if my daughter and I do anything then I will have to pay.
Things have not been good at home recently. I will explain my situation and I would ask you not to judge. Though I am in a relationship with him I do not live with my partner. I did live with him up until June 2017 but I moved out because things were not working out, it was his house and I had to leave. My daughter therefore lives with my partner; I live in a one bed flat and he lives in a two bed house so it made sense. I only live about ten minutes away and I have made it clear to my daughter that this is her second home. She wanted to live with my partner as despite the fact they do not always get on she thinks the world of him and is a daddy’s girl. I feel guilty every day about what has happened even though this was not my choice.
My daughter’s behaviour can be challenging; she has just started at secondary school and gets involved in the drama every day. My partner does not understand this and gets really mad with her. I understand more than he does as I do love a bit of drama myself! Also though I am aware my daughter will not tell me everything I want her to be able to talk to us if she needs to. My daughter and partner do argue a lot and I often end up being peacemaker.
My partner’s attitude can be extremely frustrating. I find his stance on this party business irritating to say the least. At least my daughter has an excuse, she is 11, but he is the adult. I feel like just booking the bowling party and letting him do what he wants but I need him financially. I do not think it should just be me that pays for this as she is just as much his daughter as mine. He refuses to discuss the situation, saying that he is fed of being spoken to like he is a piece of dirt and that he will not give respect if he does not get it back which he says he does not. When he gets in this mind-set he is difficult to talk round.
I try and be peace maker but it is hard. I feel like I am losing control in this situation because I do not live with them but I have resigned myself to this. There is not much I can so about this that as I am unlikely to live with them again. I do see my daughter at least four times a week. I work three days a week as I am a carer for my mother who has dementia so I reduced my hours to care for her. On the days I am not working I make sure I am at my partner’s home so that I am there when she gets back from school. I also look after at weekends when my partner works and ensure she does her homework.
I find that I do not look forward to anything anymore and I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach. I am dreading my daughter’s birthday! This situation is difficult. My daughter is very funny and a lovely person; she is just going through a difficult age.
As you will understand I need some advice!

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Wed 08-Nov-17 20:47:43

Will you be able to afford the party on your own OP?

Cbeeb1es Wed 08-Nov-17 21:33:13

Yes I can and in fact I that is what I have decided to do. I have united her friends and booked the venue whether or not my partner attends. Things not great at home still and my partner now talking about leaving.

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